GCSE

Thank you both . I now feel there is hope Stephenfryer!

Oh, he is me, 60 years ago! I was that grammar school boy who knew better than his parents and teachers. Did bare minimum academically, scraped through O levels, played truant instead of studying for A levels, got kicked out, took dead end job on lowest rung of civil service, got transferred down to London, lived a dissolute life.
In my twenties, met the right girl, bought a house, took Civil Service exams, moved up the career ladder, finally retired as a Senior Civil Servant. Some of my grammar school peers, who conformed and got degrees, did less well in life.
So chill, let the boy make his own mistakes, show him unconditional love. He'll be all right ..... eventually!

Good news seasider - they constantly surprise us

Well amazingly he went to his first exam today and told me it was ok. He said while in the exam he realised he would have to work hard. Not much sign of him revising for tomorrow though but it's a start!

My youngest son rebelled at 15 with anything to do with school. He had hair down his back, was only interested in music and did no revision at all for his GCSE's. He did get some but can't remember how many. He wouldn't go to college or study further, left home as soon as he left school at 16 and joined a band. He's led his own life doing what he wanted and now at 43 has his own music school which he's just expanded.

Don't worry too much about your son - you can't force them to revise and unfortunately you can't give them wisdom beyond their years. My 16 year old GD is so stressed out with all her upcoming exams which go on for the next month it's making her ill and is worrying her parents immensely. You have to ask is it all good for them?

I have a friend who had a boy who she couldn't get to school. He failed his GCSE's despite being a bright boy and was generally a thorn in her side. However, 5 years on he has settled down to studying after he went on a life changing trip abroad to help people who were disadvantaged. It was the wake up call he needed. Hopefully, your son's time will come. Don't make it easy for him to doss about but don't nag him all the time either. He may just need a little more time to grow up.

Sorry I meant to say my son in law got him internship with a games company

My grandson lives in San Diego California, was brought up there from tge age of 6, he us now 24.
My DD and Son in law used to despair with him. At first he wanted to be an Architect and he wouldnt never turn up for college and sometimes pretend he had left the house and hide in his room.
It really was a stressful time for his parents and my GD who is now 22 and going to university end of August.
His father got him an internship with the games he was working for in San Diego and he is now a Games Designer and absolutely loves it.
College and university just wasn't for him
It all worked out in the end.

He has to be in school or college or in an apprenticeship until he is 18. Where does he want to be in September?
I do remember a lad who dropped out of the college course he was offered on the basis of his GCSE results because he was so much more able than the others on his course - but his GCSEs didn't reflect his ability. It was really sad.

You have done nothing wrong. Now it's time to take a step back. You have advised your son to revise for his exams, so if he fails due to not having taken your advice it will be his own fault, It might be just what he needs to make him start taking responsibility for himself.

Seasider, our son was able but unwilling to revise or do the required schoolwork. I can remember him sitting at the table doing nothing instead of homework, there was nothing we could do to encourage him to study. Our son now has a good job, but he took years to decide he need to get down to it.
Just relax and stop worrying, there is almost nothing you can do if they are determined not to work.

When I was a teacher, I had an.inspection which was led by an HMI who was the total waster at school!

I was that child.I wanted to leave school BEFORE my O levels ,my parents were called in and the head teacher ,a very serious nun,told them I was wasting my life.I didn't think so,I had part time jobs since I was 13in the late 60's.
My parents told me if you dont have a full time job by the end of school holidays you have to go back.Of course I pulled out all the stops and had 5 job interviews lined up within days.I took the first one that was offered,although another 3 later offered at least that way I was safe....lol.
By the time I was 21 I had my own business,with my 20 year old husband .We've run it and another two businesses for the past 43 years .Not bad for a 15 year old school leaver .I wouldn't change a thing.If your boy isn't interested in school dont force him,he'll find a road to suit himself .I know its a different world now but there are still opportunities if you look for them .Good luck to him and please dont you stress ,he has to run his life how he wants and making decisions/mistakes is all a part of it .

I’d like to say many people can and do change radically over time. My DS scraped one mediocre A level (very lazy at the time) but 23 years on, is a director in a fairly large American corporation. Downside is he lives abroad so don’t often see him and his family. DD (18 year age difference) didn’t get good A levels either (also lazy) but is just finishing Masters in an unusual field for a woman and potential employers are lining up. I really think some individuals mature at a far slower rate than others. I can still hear my constant nagging voice for them to revise which of course, had the opposite effect.

Don't panic. My eldest daughter studied and revised endlessly for higher studies and got good results. My younger daughter did as little as possible. They both got to university. They both have the careers they want, and are both happily married with children. Everyone is different. The more you nag your son the more he will kick back and resent you.Reverse psychology sometimes works.

This is so hard to deal with and I do feel for you - at his age there are so many distractions and he is also suffering from 'Everybody and Nobody' syndrome. Everyone else can do what they want, he is the only one who can't, nobody else gets treated so harshly - I expect many on here have heard this so often from teenagers. You are far from alone which is not much consolation but there is usually a chance to retake if the worst happens and some people just don't mature enough by his age to see that what they are doing - or failing to do- is going to impact on them in the end.

I think it is quite common and one reason that it is such a shame that there are fewer opportunities to catch up than there used to be.
I had a lot of problems at school because of my home situation but I went to night school after I left which I did much better at because it was under my control. I was able to qualify as a solicitor (although it took a long time) and had my own practice before I retired.
There are plenty of people who end up successful despite not doing well at school but I think that it is more difficult now with such an over emphasis on university.
I think that it is as important to have a good friend at school as it is to get the grades but it is not a good situation when they conflict.
You can only make him aware of your feelings and try to encourage him (which I am sure you have done). If you push teenagers will push back, particularly boys.
As you say, it is down to him now. You are just doing a mother's job of worrying.

My DGS is almost 15 - he has such a whining moaning complaining life - everything is wrong, he hates school, his teachers are all liars - my DD is fed up with getting letters from school about his attitude - he is very able but lazy, doing just the bare minimum to get through. My DD is seeing his teachers again later this week to see if his attitude has improved at all. All we hear is how his 'mates' are allowed to stay up half the night on their x-boxes, can stay in bed all day if they want, get the very latest shoes/clothes etc, don't have to help around the house, don't have their Nan (me) living with them etc, etc. I don't know about my DD but I am fed up with hearing it.

You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to. By insisting and instigating rules, you are likely to make things worse for both of you. Try to keep a light atmosphere, as you are doing.
I taught GCSEs and their predecessors for 38 years and what you describe was pretty common. Some sailed through on ability, some didn’t. There’s always retakes.
If it’s any consolation I didn’t open my DS’s last 6th form report, I knew what it would say! Fortunately he was in the sail through camp.
Hope it all works out ?.

I told my 3 as teenagers to ask themselves life questions .... do they want a nice car or an old banger ? do they want a nice house or a bedsit ? do they want designer clothes or bargain basement stuff ? do they want holidays abroad or a caravan at home ? I reiterated that none of this is in anyway derogatory, it’s just a simple life choice. I said that once they have answered these questions it should tell them what they need to do at school at this vital time. As others have said, you can’t force them to revise etc they have to want to do it themselves. Only one of mine got loads of GCSE’s, however, all 3 are highly successful in their chosen fields. We can but advise, but then it’s down to them really.

Thanks everybody good to hear the success stories. When I say we haven't pushed him I mean we have tried not to put pressure on him as the school are doing a good job of that. I have always supported him with homework and his outside activities but I do admit he could be more organised. It's very late in the day now and I have encouraged, offered help, and bought all the resources I can find so it's down to him now.

My son was th Bain of my life at school, you would think I had dragged him to sixth form and I was regularly being called into college about one misdemeanour or another. He didn’t revise either but scraped through to university was just as bad there but got through and got his degree. Came home and couldn’t settle to a regular job so went into the army! He’s now happily married, a major and is quite the sensible person who sticks to the rules. Don’t give up on him seasider, always be there for him and he will come through. But a prod in the back with a big stick now and again never hurts?

I think you answered your own question - "We have never really pushed him". Good study habits need to be developed from an early age - making sure he always does his homework and helping him as and when necessary for example. Refusing to revise is not something that you should have ever have let become an option for him. Discipline should have been enforced and self-discipline learnt by 16 too. Too little too late now unfortunately, as his patterns of behaviour and lack of respect for others including for his own parents wishes have been established.

I was never made to revise as my father’s view was I can make to stare at your books but I can’t make you take it in. But he was very supportive in anything I did. I wasn’t ready for study at 16. I left school but returned to study when I was ready. I went to night classes and loved it and got qualifications that way. I remembered my father’s wise words and actions when my daughters went through their GCSEs. They had enough pressure at school without me adding to it. They are both successful, well adjusted adults.

I posted the message to quickly. I meant to end by saying that they will have to learn the hard way if they don’t do well at school, however, it may not be a bad way, especially once they mature