Excluded from school

The contributions to this thread have been very revealing. Most posters have tried to understand the whole picture.

Can any one guess what party Quizqueen supports or what newspapers she reads?

Thanks for letting us know teetime. Let's hope the placement is a good one for him and his mum. Kind of you to be so concerned.

That's good news - so the system does work, eventually.

I'm very glad to say the young man is now being educated at another place and I hope this will be more suited to his needs. I will still keep an eye out for him and help if I can.

Teetime thank goodness for folks like yourself. Thanks also for the update which confirm what I'd suspected, that agencies are well aware of this child and his family and are actively involved

trisher is right in stressing that cuts to CAMHS and every other agency set up to help in situations like this, are under significant pressure due to the austerity agenda.

Teetime, do take care of yourself in your offers of help. This kind of painful family situation can (I"m sure you know) combust, causing distress to anyone in its vicinity. That doesn't mean I'm saying you're naive or advising you to MYOB as some are. Boundaries, boundaries can be very helpful when offering help

craftynan ??

This poor boy sounds like my ADHD grandchild. Calling to his mother would be part of the condition if he has something like that and it will be agonising for her to hear it. Like my AC it’s possible she has to work, it really is an impossible situation with little help being given. My AC would have been really grateful for a friendly face as people are too quick to blame bad parenting.

Teetime - well done for offering to help.
As a sideline - listening to LBC this pm, one discussion concerned the wave of knife crimes among boys and young men. A suggestion has been made that if in social housing the parent should be evicted. But all the time talking about single mothers.
As well as this being horrendous, where are the fathers?

What I have gathered from reading all the above, is that teetime should maybe just befriend the family as she normally might, to the extent that they are willing to accept her friendship. If that friendship then includes any extra support for the young boy then it will be an extra positive outcome.

As none of us know the reasons behind the exclusion, or of any difficulties the family have, it is pointless to speculate. However, I do agree that extra support and a bit of money spent now, might save a massive amount in the future.

Quizqueen as others have said, no one will throw money at this family. Just the opposite in fact. Do you think this child chooses to behave badly? He may do, or in fact, he may be unable to help himself. If he has ASD his whole life could be one of loud noises in his head, skin irritation, flashing lights all around him, loneliness, bullying. All I can say is I'm glad Teetime is his neighbour. A kind and thoughtful person.

I agree with Nanabilly - MYOB. You won't know the whole of it or even half. Smile and say hello and leave it at that.

Quizqueen what a hard uncaring post No one knows his background or his parents backgrounds No one knows what happened to lead to exclusion No one knows any darned thing behind this story not even Teetime but you have been judge and jury for him or any other family going through difficulties Open your heart a bit no one is ‘bad’ without a good reason a little bit of thought and understanding would be good

jenpax Good posts.

And also well said Hm999

Well said Jenpax

quizqueen How do you know they aren't choosing to do the right thing? My nightmare neighbour chose to do the right thing which was clear during her few stable moments. Unfortunately she couldn't but she didn't get help until she was 30 and we are all crossing our fingers that it will work. It's going to be a lot more expensive than if the system had 'thrown money at her' when she was younger. What a depressing comment.

Hm999 That’s just why CORAM may be useful if the parents have been battling to get help for their son then the CORAM charity lawyers will take the case on and help them, they are working for the child not the parent and their focus will be exclusively in making sure the child’s rights in law are made available to him whether that’s due to a failure on behalf of the school, LEA or social services in their statutory duties. You are right about nagging but we don’t know if the parents have the knowledge of the child’s rights in the first place or the confidence and ability to pursue this without help.
So often in my job I see people who not only don’t know what help is available, but also,and more crucially, haven’t the ability to chase them up when things go wrong, because they don’t know how to or where to begin. Lack of support for parents battling with statutory agencies who either make mistakes or illegally try to gatekeep services because of cuts etc is a top reason such children slip further through the net with the poorer later life out comes we know to be so damaging. Parents become discouraged and overwhelmed and feel isolated in situations where there is no one to help them advocate for their child

QuizQueen if this child does have a learning difficulty( which as we know if left without support will often lead to out bursts and frustration) then surely a little investment in helping him to deal with his emotions, express himself appropriately and extra learning support would be money well spent! A boy of his age calling after his mum not to go to work is clearly struggling! and the parents have obviously struggled too. I for one am more than happy to have my share of the taxes I pay through my job to go to things like this. My belief is that is what my taxes should be used for ie to give a leg up to those who start at a disadvantage and I count young people with learning or emotional needs as among these.

Quizqueen I think the problem is that society won't throw money at him now, when help will pay dividends in the future, but he will cost money (be it in prison, in lost taxes because he can't get a job etc) in the future. This is my fear for all excluded kids.
At this age he might get a place at a special school or a pupil referral unit (PRU), I suspect that might be a postcode lottery, depending on how the cuts have affected which bit of the system in your area. It could also depend on how much energy the school can find to get him into the right place for him - it's a case of them relentlessly nagging.

DH and his parents used to live a couple of streets from Coram Fields. We used to go and speak to the sheep there.

jenpax I had forgotten about Coram. Named after Coram fields in London, site of the Foundling Hospital and still a play area where adults are only welcome if they are accompanied by a child. Great place, great organisation.

I feel sorry for the teachers and the others in his class who have to put up with his disruptive behaviour. As usual, I suppose, our society will throw money at him and his family trying to sort them out over the years when, in my opinion, attention and financial rewards should be directed to those in our society who choose to do the right thing.

The mother may have no choice but to work she has possibly exhausted holiday leave and “sick days” already and is on final warnings! Going to work may be the main family income and no one would be helped if on top of other issues she also lost the family income! It’s not kind to assume that her going off to work was done in a carefree way?
Legally there is no age set in law for a child to be safely left alone and to be fair we don’t know the child’s exact age as OP was just guessing
Also the school exclusion process will mean that social services will already be aware the education social work department will know about him
If you do speak to the parents at any point direct them to this excellent source of free legal advice for education issues it’s a legal charity called CORAM
This is what they do
Coram Children’s Legal Centre, part of the Coram group of charities, promotes and protects the rights of children in the UK and internationally in line with the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Experts in all areas of children’s rights, immigration, child protection, education and juvenile justice, we:

Provide legal advice and representation,
Research and produce evidence informing law, policy, practice and system reform.
Build the capacity of professionals and practitioners through training and advice provision.
Challenge laws and policies that negatively impact on children and their rights.
CCLC provides free legal information, advice and representation to children, young people, their families, carers and professionals, as well as international consultancy on child law and children’s rights.

Our values

Respect. All children deserve respect as legally autonomous beings with equal human rights.
Equality. All children are equal regardless of gender, race, nationality, disability, culture or religion.
Access to justice. All children have a right to legal information, advice, representation and support.
Our aims and objectives

To promote and uphold children’s human rights within the context of UN Convention on the Rights of the Child and the European Convention on Human Rights in the UK and internationally.
To monitor and develop law, policy and practice concerning children and young people, to inform and influence policy makers and the general public.
To improve access to justice through legal advice, information and representation for children, young people and adults working on their behalf.
To publish a range of legal guides and information on child law, policy and practice.
To research the field of child law to assist policy reform and the application of law relating to children.
To provide technical expertise and training programmes to states, inter-governmental organisations, non-governmental organisations and United Nations agencies.
Launched in 1981 as The Children’s Legal Centre, the charity amalgamated with Coram on the 1 September 2011. CCLC is a member of the Coram group of charities, benefiting from shared expertise and infrastructure, and working towards a common goal of improved chances for all vulnerable children.

I've decided just to keep an eye out and say hello to him if I see him. I have spoken to his mother and offered help if needed. It seems social services are very involved in his case. He isn't left alone all day just a few hours at a time but I would gladly do things with him like help with homework. I shall wait for an opportunity. He is roughly the same age as my GS so I suppose I am feeling some kind of association there. Thank you for all your suggestions and thoughts if you are inclined a word or two in your prayers would be good.

Teetime sadly this sounds very like my young teenage DGS ( with high functioning autism.)
Not sure there is anything that you can do, except continue being pleasant to him when you see him.
Either his parents know he has a problem and are dealing with it the best way they can, or he has never been diagnosed as having a problem.
If you were friendly with his Mother you could offer
sympathy over a cup of tea, but the best thing the neighbours can do really is to not judge him ( or the parents.)
You are a kind person to consider this in the first place.