Wondering whether to move grandson from his school.

Grandma70 Why haven't they talked to the school. From what you've said it seems as thought there's a lot of supposition going on, especially on your part.

I wonder what the source of the stress is. Could it be the parents?

I work as a private tutor and the majority of my pupils underachieve because they lack confidence not ability. If the parents can afford it and can find a good tutor. it's something worth considering. The parents should talk to the boy and try to find out what's causing the biggest problem(s).

what about moving him to another kind of private school.
don't know what part of London he is in, but what about something more progressive, eg the king alfred school.
www.kingalfred.org.uk/about-us/

35 years ago this kind of problem was common in my job. But I'm amazed how things have changed.
I wonder if things have changed with the relative importance of friends and social life in those years 7 and 8. If this boy is lonely and miserable he will probably not reach his academic potential in a different school.
Best advice ask the boy himself, and his teachers. Then wait until much later in the school year.

This is not about comprehensive verses private education. The question is - is the child unhappy in school ? If so a move may well be the answer . If he is happy in school but not achieving as much as parents expect then he need love and understanding - not a move to another school where his progress may not improve. If your grandson is settled in school I would leave him where he is . If a move is deemed necessary then it does not matter whether the school is comprehensive or private! What does matter is that it is the correct school for him. Although it is worth considering that a move from private school to state school may be a rough ride.

In the schools (comps) attended by my GC, GCSE options are settled in Y8. Your GS might be happier when he has chosen the subjects he likes and drops some that he can't cope with. My youngest DGS, now 13, isn't very academic and not in the least mathematical, but he is pleased to have been able to opt for Drama and History, subjects he enjoys.

Grandma70 it is a common occurence in education for children who have had a lot of pressure put on them in Year 6, to pass exams, to slack off in year 7. Some don't but some do and then of course there was covid and schools closing. He's had a bad start, leave him in year 8 and let him settle down.I'm sure if the school is really worried about him they will contact the parents. They won't want anyone pulling their exam results down.

I'm sure people know, but it's worth a reminder that a full term's notice in writing is required at an independent school.
Any child wishing to leave now would effectively have to pay school fees up until the summer term.

It’s a selective fee-paying school. It has an entrance exam that is generally known as the 11 plus. The school is vastly oversubscribed and the exam seems to be quite tough, but as I said earlier he was in the junior school and that seems to smooth the path.

I don’t think his parents are especially concerned, except about his happiness, but the children themselves are very aware of who’s top and who isn’t. It’s quite important in the school, I think. There were exams at the end of Year 7 and everyone knew who’d done well in those. My grandson did well in history, but not in anything else. He didn’t put any effort into revising - not that I think he should have done. I don’t think they need serious exams at his age.

As far as I know they haven’t discussed the situation with him yet, but they certainly would if change became a serious option.

Have his parents talked with him about this and asked him how he feels? By "selective" do you mean he took the 11+ or he is being privately educated?

Perhaps the parents think that he might be further ahead in a comprehensive school even though he is struggling at his current school. I expect there are many "high flyers" in comprehensive schools too but perhaps there is a greater mix of abilities. Is your grandson worried about not being especially academic or is he picking up the anxiety of his parents?

If you said he was unpopular with other pupils and teachers, and had no friends, I would be much more concerned. Not everybody is good at all subjects or has specific identifiable interests and aptitudes at this age - and as long as he enjoys sports he doesn't have to excel in them. Perhaps he may find he is more drawn towards the arts/English, etc.

I think it's far too early to consider moving him, unless he indicates that he is very unhappy where he is - but I think it is a little naive to imagine that will automatically make things better. It may make them worse as he will be completely unfamiliar with the school, its ethos and the other pupils.

Callistemon

Grandma70s

Thank you, SpringyChicken and Elaine1. I am grateful for your sensible answers.

I did not expect the kind of rudeness and misinterpretation I was subjected to in an earlier reply from MawBeMaw.

It was me who said pushy!!

And it was neither rude nor an misinterpretation on my part.

In fact, it is you who appears to have misinterpreted what I said and attributed my words to another poster.
It was an observation of what can happen in some instances.

It is nothing to do with us, in fact it should be the decision of the child along with his parents.

I didn’t say you had been rude and misinterpreted me,
Callistemon. I was referring to someone else.

Grandma70s

Thank you, SpringyChicken and Elaine1. I am grateful for your sensible answers.

I did not expect the kind of rudeness and misinterpretation I was subjected to in an earlier reply from MawBeMaw.

It was me who said pushy!!

And it was neither rude nor an misinterpretation on my part.

In fact, it is you who appears to have misinterpreted what I said and attributed my words to another poster.
It was an observation of what can happen in some instances.

It is nothing to do with us, in fact it should be the decision of the child along with his parents.

MayBeMaw

^This is nonsense^

It is also very rude, and miles from the truth. They just want him to be happy and to enjoy school. They are not in the least pushy
Just wish to add the word “pushy” neither crossed my lips nor my keyboard.

Confession time - I mentioned the p word

It was not directed at your son and DIL, Grandma70s, rather it was musings based on observation.

It was a generalisation based on seeing parents who are what one could term pushy or helicopter parents and the effect this may have on their children.

There’s a difference between not being unhappy, and being happy.
I don’t think our daughter was unhappy, but her self confidence was seeping away, and some of the girls were such high flyers, she would always be looking bad in comparison.
She took and passed the entrance exam, but I have wondered, if in a year with less applicants, they lower the bar a bit.
The first day at her new school, she was happy and excited, and had a very happy time there.

Grandma70 I have sent you a PM.

This is nonsense

It is also very rude, and miles from the truth. They just want him to be happy and to enjoy school. They are not in the least pushy
Just wish to add the word “pushy” neither crossed my lips nor my keyboard.

I think this "bottom of the class" and "not as clever as others" business is not really relevant and should be avoided. The last thing anyone wants is to make him feel inadequate and a failure. It is maybe best to concentrate on praising his achievements in any area you can find, and point out to him that doing his best is good enough. It is not a competition against others' grades. As long as he is working to HIS full potential that's fine, and his Year 6 results will have confirmed his intelligence. Boys particularly have spurts and dips along the way, but you are right to agree with all our suggestions made from the beginning of the thread to consult with the school.

I am sorry you are upset by MBM's comments. It sounds to me like strong teacher talk which takes place in the classroom, and many teachers on GN do like to speak in a forthright manner where education is concerned. I guess criticising a family's parenting never goes down well as it is hurtful and stays for life. I have tried to think of the all round child in my replies and be as tactful and understanding as possible. You are in an ideal situation as his grandma to assess the situation and make suggestions, and to offer constructive advice if asked. Perhaps he could come to stay with you at half term and you could have a long chat with him on the subject. Good Luck!

Thank you, SpringyChicken and Elaine1. I am grateful for your sensible answers.

I did not expect the kind of rudeness and misinterpretation I was subjected to in an earlier reply from MawBeMaw.

Changing schools is a big step, particularly if GS hasn't experienced the rough and tumble of a state comprehensive, possibly larger class sizes, disruptive pupils etc. It might be hard to break into established friendship groups.

Good results are equally important to staff in a comprehensive as in any other school and the pressure will still be there for your GS to get the necessary GCSE passes. It might , however, be easier for him to backslide and fall between the cracks if he chooses slack off. His parents need to talk to the teachers about their son as soon as possible.

At many schools, pupils choose their GCSE options in year 8 so moving him in year 9 could have serious consequences.
As he is already attending a very good school, I would imagine he is in the best place to achieve his potential and receive extra support. It's not nice feeling bottom of the class but a talk to the teachers might put this into perspective and reassure him. They have known him since he was seven so I imagine that concerns would have been raised before now if they thought he was not able to cope.

Can't they speak to his form teacher or guidance teacher? There are a lot of unhappy, unsettled and distressed children just now and it could be something like anxiety and depression making him feel like this. DD2 works for CAMHS and will vouch for this as they are run off their feet just now with children (all sorts of presentations) but eating disorders takes precedence just now as many are severely ill with that.
Surely if it is such a good school they will have systems in place for children under achieving? Or less settled? If they are only interested in "high achievers" then it is a very poor school and should be inspected!

Thank you, Sara1954, that’s very interesting. I agree about sometimes having to trust instincts. I am so glad you made the right choice.

One of our daughters started year seven at a selective girls school.
It quickly became apparent that she was struggling academically, I thought, still do think, that the school is first class, but it wasn’t for her.
I wouldn’t say she was unhappy, she loved parts of it, but I could see she wasn’t really in the right place.
We moved her after a year to a school which suited her much better, and she absolutely loved it, her friends are still her best friends, and she has very happy memories.
I don’t know what would have happened had we left her.
I don’t really approve of hopping about from school to school, but sometimes you have to trust your instincts.

M0nica - I’m sure they will ask him.

For heavens sake ask the child himself. Find out what he wants.

My parents made, what they later admitted was a mistake, by making decisions about my and sister's education when I was much the same as this child, without consulting with us. We all looked at two schools. My sister and I wanted to go to one, they chose the other.

Both schools offered a good education, but neither of us was happy at the school we went to.

User7777

Sadly, whatever school hes at this year, they are all singing from the same songsheet. 2020 has gone, but teachers and the education system are trying to pack two years into one. A whole missed year means the kids have to work harder than ever. It's tough for them, but I know theres My Tutor on the internet. Which he can access, to help him. We only get out of life, what we put in. Oh, and my kid went to a comp. Got 11 GCSEs, at A*.. Never dismiss a comp as non academic.... They may surprise you

I do know about comprehensives. My children both went to one, both went to good universities (one to Cambridge) and got first class degrees. So I’m not dismissing comprehensives, though of course like any other schools they vary in quality.