Educating Young People About Acceptance

Yes I am sure I think we have been very lucky with our scout leaders.

Galaxy

I have found cubs and scouts to be one of the most inclusive groups of those who are neuro diverse, it may be that the troupes I have seen are very good, but it has been really noticeable.

I found cubs to be just the opposite (years ago of course).
Beavers was inclusive.

It totally depends on who is "in charge" I think.

GrannyGravy13

My neurodiverse GC has been beaten up, bullied relentlessly and had little understanding from some teachers.

They now hate school and it’s a drama to get them there each day, which is a shame as they are top of the class in many subjects which is yet another proverbial stick to beat them with by their peers.

I'd be requesting an interview with the head and also looking around for a new school.

I have a friend whose son is on the autistic spectrum. He started at a small private school, which his parents thought would be best for him, but it was a nightmare. After a year, he moved to his catchment state school and hasn't looked back, so a change of school might make a big difference.

JMcD, growing up as an 'outsider' - being much like your grandson, I'd often be standing by and not joining in. Our society expects us to be friends with people of our age - really difficult for us. It's like expecting a 12 year old to be best friends with a four year old - never will happen. As for the golf, I'd rather play with adults.

I will probably offend everyone when I say this but I think its along the lines of what Monica was saying. I think scouts is inclusive because many of the people who join in are 'different' (in all sorts of ways) they often arent the football players or the socially confident children. There are places where people can find their 'tribe'
My husband has a diagnosis, he has found particular hobbies which suit his needs so to speak.

Yes M0nica.
I’m paraphrasing what you said
I think what we should be telling all children, not just neurally diverse children and adults is that you are you, and if you are different so what.

Even those who do not have a neurodiverse label sometimes find it hard to fit in, and self esteem often seems to depend on how we feel others see us.

I am going to put a different point of view. I have dyspraxia and have ADHD (as doDS and DGS).

I realise when I was quite young that I was seen as a bit odd, not just by other children, but also by adults. I did try to be like others but if your brain works differently, that doesn't work. So I just stopped bothering about being different. I decided I was quite happy as myself. I had no arguments with myself, so I would be myself, fit in where I could and just accept it where I couldn't, Generally speaking, that tactic has worked very well.

I think what we should be telling neurally diverse children and adults is that you are you, and if you are different so what. I was never part of a group, but I have made friends in life, often, other oddities like me, I have also been parts of wider groups with shared intersts - and also stood outside others.

I am my own person, I know who I am. In the end that is what matters.

I have found cubs and scouts to be one of the most inclusive groups of those who are neuro diverse, it may be that the troupes I have seen are very good, but it has been really noticeable.

GrannyGravy13

My neurodiverse GC has been beaten up, bullied relentlessly and had little understanding from some teachers.

They now hate school and it’s a drama to get them there each day, which is a shame as they are top of the class in many subjects which is yet another proverbial stick to beat them with by their peers.

I am sorry to hear that. I would not be sending my child to school under those circumstances.

The school is failing him in a big way and failing in their safeguarding duty. Look at the school's bullying policy - take it to the head having underlined where they are failing; and send a copy to the governors.

In that situation a helpful adult might gently intervene, I'd hope.

One of my 4 grandchildren is severely disabled so it's natural for the others as is the idea people need to try and help things along. They go to lots of stuff where they meet and play with children who struggle. Wouldn't it be good if all did.

Luckygirl3 I know a lovely young Quaker primary teacher, its near the top of his agenda as its very multi cultural so its a good starting point for all kinds of difference. Disability education so important, part of growing into a kind adult and awareness of "othernesses".

I don’t remember any overt bullying at my school but I do remember that certain girls were pretty much ostracised because they were ‘different’ or didn’t fit in. It has been going on forever and not just amongst kids, either. Cliques are everywhere. Does it upset him not to be in the clique? I ask this because some don’t care, they are happy to be on their own. One of my daughters was like this. She was quite popular at school but liked to be alone and really she is still a bit like that now even though she is married with a family.

We all know the agony of feeling for someone we love, but I think you’re reading too much into it.

A group of teenage boys? The only person any one of them was thinking about was himself and the impression he was making and his own position in the group.

Anyone standing the edge would be left there, not just your grandson. It’s the way it works at that age.

My neurodiverse GC has been beaten up, bullied relentlessly and had little understanding from some teachers.

They now hate school and it’s a drama to get them there each day, which is a shame as they are top of the class in many subjects which is yet another proverbial stick to beat them with by their peers.

I think that children are educated about acceptance - certainly at the school where I a governor.

At sports day yesterday a little girl with special needs was helped by all her class mates to be a full participant; and one Yr 6 boy ran alongside a little reception boy who was struggling. It is part of what the school is about.

Lots of schools have and strive for the Quality Mark for values; and there are organisations that have created multi academy trusts based around values.

I am sorry to hear that your GS was outside the group. Does he mind about this? Did he give any sign that he wanted to be included? Some children with autistic traits find it hard to be in a group, especially of they are messing about, which your GS might find disturbing. He may find it safer to concentrate on what he is doing. It is worth considering that your GS might possibly view the situation differently from those looking on from the outside, as he will be looking at the world through autistic eyes.

My high-functioning autistic GD has a few friends but does not like going around in a group - she finds that too much to cope with.

Boys of that age can be difficult, especially in a gang situation as they want to be cool.

Sorry to hear this JMcD, kids can be cruel.

I think Katie59 makes some good points, so yes he should keep at it.

I am wondering if the person in charge of the group could help the others interact with him in a more inclusive manner? Perhaps an adult setting an example may help.

Good luck.

I think it can be very difficult to make boys of that age behave as well as we would like them to, many problems arise because boys (and girls) will change their behaviour to fit in with the group and clearly you might not want that either. It's really sad to see any child treated as an "outsider" but focusing on helping him develop his own social skills and confidence so he copes well is probably better. My guess is that if you were able to talk to each of those boys on their own they'd be quite different, much more accepting of difference etc but in a groups, sadly you get group behaviour and it can be pretty vile. I hope your grandson continues to enjoy his golf despite the rest of the group.

He’s not in the clique and hasn’t got the confidence to get involved, he must persist. If he is good at golf encourage him to train hard and become the best, they will want him on their team then.
There is an autistic trait in many successful people because they concentrate on their activity and become skilled, although many are not especially sociable