Grandson has failed his Degree

DD got a '3rd' in her degree - in effect a fail - but appealed and had it upgraded to a 2:2. It didn't stop her getting jobs and now she is head of her dept in the NHS. I agree with others that it is worth consulting the university in the first instance to explore any options that may be available.

Poor lad, I know my grandson would be devastated if he failed, yet we know it is not a big deal and can be taken again if that is what he wants.

I think you need to speak to his parents, it has happened and no amount of looking for a reason is going to change that.

What he needs now is support, thankfully he has a kind, loving grandparent.

Your GS needs support, you question his sexuality, that may or may not be the case either way he needs love. Lots of ways to advance and a degree is not always necessary! My son failed his A levels after good GCSE results we and his teachers were very surprised. What we didn't know was he was gay, so he was very worried and distressed. To cut a long story short he redeemed himself and got two good degrees and is now in a very good position.once he know how much we loved him all was well.
My GD has just given up uni after one year ! but I feel sure she will make her way one way or another. Don't fret , just support and be there.
His mum needs to get a grip !!! No degree - so what?

Oh bless him. It's a shame but he will find his way I'm sure. I used to worry to the same extent about my kids results at school, uni etc.. until I realised there are much more important things. Wish I could go back and tell my younger self that now.

I’ve three sons one with a degree two working in industry. Eldest son is set to be a very wealthy man with his choice no degree. Just determination. Second like me been in the same job fir years and earning a living. Happy and married. Third son youngest paying off student loan quite high up in the police ( not serving) all lovely lads all different I’m proud.

I thought I had typed a long reply to this a few days ago?

He can probably resit (depending on how many credits he has failed) but that will cost money.

Assuming that he has passed his second year, he will be entitled to a DipHE (Diploma in Higher Education), which is equivalent to an HND, and should be able to graduate with those letters after his name, and attend the ceremony with his peers.

He should be able to take time out to reconsider his options, and transfer the passed credits to a different degree (either in the same university or another one) so long as it is in a similar field. It is worth checking this out with the university, as there is often a time limit on when he has to complete, so that all new graduates have up to date skills. This time may vary between courses and institutions.

I don't know what happened to my other post 🫤

I watched Michelle Dewberry hosting a programme on GB News recently. She is a self made businesswoman and TV presenter who left school at 16 with no qualifications. She also won The Apprentice on TV. She swears that doing an apprenticeship was a million times better than doing a degree.

She frequently has some of the top earners and business people in the country on her prog and most of them never went to Uni either.

His Mum needs to give him a break and allow him some space now to think about his future. As others have said there are other routes into great careers.

We have 5 children all of whom went to university - some more than once - some have degrees (really not sure how many) but all have happy fulfilled lives. So please give him some space.

As others have said, a degree is not the be all and end all but neither is "success" by other routes, it's just another way of putting expectations out there. We don't all need to be successful but we do all need to feel loved and comfortable in our own skin. Feed him, let him talk, don't press for plans, just let him be so he can find his own way.

Really feel for him, but more for his mother's attitude than failing his degree. That does not define his worth as a human being.
What was his degree in, was he passionate about it or just trying to please his mother?
Many successful people do not have a degree and many people with degrees work in jobs that wouldn't require a degree.
Does he know what he wants to do with his life?

Unfair to blame his mother; she may well be annoyed but also very disappointed because of his future; he may wish to avoid her because of guilt. Only he knows if the degree was beyond him or whether he did not put in enough work; the university will know and they can advise him.

He needs to discuss his options with the university first and see what chance he has of retaking and passing his degree (if he wishes), then think hard about what he hopes to do next. He is an adult.

He will find his way ......
my eldest son and my SIL never went to uni....they both earn £20k plus than me ....and I have both an honours degree and an MSc.... its not the only route to a good career

One of my brothers left school (not college or uni) with no qualifications at all to his name and through hard work and determination has had a very successful career.

Such lovely replies😘 yes, I will support him. My youngest son has invited him (and myself) , to join them on a trip to Bluestone this weekend. They have 2 little boys (7 and 4). They will cheer us up, for sure

I really feel for him

Sounds like a lot of pressure to achieve has been put on him and now his mum is angry he failed, so much so he has to stay with you?

I really feel for him, he deserves so much better

Just give him lots of love, cook his favourite meals, tell him all that matters is he finds is own happiness in life

Ah, poor lad. Just be there for him, as I’m sure you will be There’s good advice on here about retakes. It’s not the end of the world but it probably seems that way to him right now.

DH failed his degree back in the dark ages. Because he thought he’d been badly done to he took his bat home and refused to resit. He took up another course instead which is where he met the love of his life (me, for the avoidance of all doubt!), so it was obviously written in the stars.

It’s good to see such empathy and sensible comments crazyH. He needs space and loving not intrusive support from his loved ones. The world needs sensitive souls

I hope your GS’s mum can find it in her to be more supportive. She might just need time to get over the shock as indeed does he.

I suspect it depends on his university but ultimately, a uni doesn’t want its students to fail because it doesn’t look good on their stats. They may enable him to resit or whatever. I do know someone whose son failed his degree and didn’t want to return or resit. The university gave him some sort of certificate to acknowledge that he’d attended and covered the course so maybe that would be an option.

Oh I feel for him so much, not so much the failing but the family with high expectations, and the fact he obviously feels so down and so much a failure that he’s come to stay with you.
I m sorry but I have no time for parents who are ‘high achievers’ and expect everyone to follow in their footprints.

If I can just add the highest two monetary achievers in my family are two who had no interest in further education and went to work at 16 and 17 and went straight into hard work, ambition, and climbed the rungs on the inside

Please give your grandson as much encouragement and positivity as you can and please let him stay at yours I don’t want him going home to be put down and chastised for not coming up to his families expectations

Please support him as much as you possible can

That's a really helpful comment MayBee70

Your grandson must be grateful for your support crazyH seems the rest of his family are not sympathetic. Give him a bit of space now then regroup, lots of helpful advice on here. Seems like the end of the world but it really isn't.

he won't have to start paying off his student loan until unless he earns enough to do so.
how do you know he hasn't had a girlfriend;
presumably he hasn't been living with you the whole time.
his mother should get off his back.
has she been pressurising him.
that's not on.
maybe he can get a job and move in with friends and get away from her.

Thank goodness he has you.. his mum should be ashamed of herself.. he needs lots of love and compassionate listening..
These young people have had a terrible time with covid and the threats of climate change.. just be there for him,
he sounds quite resourceful and will be well able to find how to use his skills and talents if he isn't made to feel a failure

I feel his pain. My son failed part of his degree by less than 1%. He had to take a year out and resit. He wasn't allowed to go to extra lectures etc. He got a job until the Easter and then revised.
Fortunately he passed, only could get a pass degree. Now he's a teacher. We just supported him , it's so hard. All will be well !

And he’ll still have a huge amount of debt I assume and no degree to show for it?

Thanks fancy that
And thanks all for your empathetic replies.
Yes, he is 21.
The poor lad, he has always had a Saturday/ holiday job, saves for his little extras - recently bought a set of golf clubs (second hand I think) with his savings. A good lad. Another thing that worries me, he hasn’t had a girlfriend. Is his sexuality bothering him? So many questions but no answers…..never mind, as someone said earlier, it could have been so much worse, like a serious illness, but there you go - thanks all. Just had to open up 😍