ADHD and school exclusion

Forgive me if I don’t explain this well! I’m the parent of a now adult child with learning disability ASD and ADHD and those early years were utterly exhausting and very challenging- especially before the then equivalent of an EHCP. Our son ( non verbal at the time) started to thrive once in a specialist school with smaller quieter classes learning at his level -which was right for him due to his learning disability. It was a devil of a job to get the place!
Both the child’s self confidence and the parents can be damaged and get very low. Everyone ( child and family) will be disappointed and upset when things go wrong. What can you do to help? Well first don’t criticise the child/ parents ( I know you didn’t) only the behaviour-. They probably get far too much blaming and ostracising already! Try and be positive and supportive and keep the child calm. Standard parenting methods that work for normally developing children often work far less well for atypically developing children.
Don’t despair! Parenting support groups or organisation for children with ADHD may be helpful for the parents- Sometime knowing you are not the only parent struggling to get the best for their atypical child is helpful and other parents who have walked a similar path will often have the best tips and ideas.

ADHD is difficult to live with- for everyone affected! It’s not easy to get an EHCP so every bit of evidence can help to persuade the local authority that the personalised support of an EHCP is required. Exclusions can be part of the evidence that a child needs more support than the school are able to provide without extra support and funding.
As the GS has a diagnosis already, I presume he is already under the care of a specialist clinic.
It’s useful to try and work out what triggered the behaviour. What was happening leading up to incidents and are there common features that occur befor incidents? (hunger, anxiety, overexcitement, confusion unexpected changes, teasing?) that could be reduced?

Just a thought which might make you feel better. A lecturer discussing ADHD once said that the majority of small businesses are started by people who could be described as this. They are.the risk takers and the entrepreneurs. Your GS may have school problems but may flourish in the wider world.

Glorianny, as someone who worked with children with ADHD I reiterate what you have said.
We only excluded as a last resort.

In my school we had a calming room specially kitted out, where children with challenging behaviour could find a calm space.
I also found that some pupils had to reach a certain point, where they had no control, before they calmed down. It was so painful to watch their distress.
I too would be seeking help from a GP in the interim.
I worked with a family where four brothers had ADHD and were extremely violent. It was not safe for other pupils to have them in a mainstream class, but my LA had a policy of total inclusion.

If the school has excluded twice within 3 weeks they are obviously not providing your grandson with the support or proper circumstances to enable your GS to cope with his problems. It would be helpful if before he returns they, his parents and him could meet to discuss what has happened and what might have been done to prevent any repetition. Sometimes what needs to happen is for all staff to recognise the problem, step back before the boy feels he has to hit out, provide him with a safe space to reflect in and discuss the discipline issue when he has calmed down. Your GS may well be aware of what he needs but simply be unable to stop himself once he has reached a certain point.

It might also be worth a visit to his GP. There are drug treatments which can help children with ADHD.

Worrying times , I know!
Can your repost on Mumsnet in SEN section.
If you don't get a Response, post in AIBU section.
They should have advice but also point you in right direction for ADHD help services.

Good luck 🍀

What a difficulty for your grandson and his parents. I know children’s services, including child and adolescent mental health, are much diminished.
It may be helpful for his parents to arrange a GP appointment, yes I know they’re difficult to get as well. Child and Adolescent Mental Health services will be very familiar with the behaviours you describe. Ours works with school to offer strategies and runs parenting skills groups. The groups are well reviewed by parents. It’s no criticism of their existing parenting skills but recognises, some children are easier to bring up than others.