ADHD and school exclusion

What a difficulty for your grandson and his parents. I know children’s services, including child and adolescent mental health, are much diminished.
It may be helpful for his parents to arrange a GP appointment, yes I know they’re difficult to get as well. Child and Adolescent Mental Health services will be very familiar with the behaviours you describe. Ours works with school to offer strategies and runs parenting skills groups. The groups are well reviewed by parents. It’s no criticism of their existing parenting skills but recognises, some children are easier to bring up than others.

Worrying times , I know!
Can your repost on Mumsnet in SEN section.
If you don't get a Response, post in AIBU section.
They should have advice but also point you in right direction for ADHD help services.

Good luck 🍀

If the school has excluded twice within 3 weeks they are obviously not providing your grandson with the support or proper circumstances to enable your GS to cope with his problems. It would be helpful if before he returns they, his parents and him could meet to discuss what has happened and what might have been done to prevent any repetition. Sometimes what needs to happen is for all staff to recognise the problem, step back before the boy feels he has to hit out, provide him with a safe space to reflect in and discuss the discipline issue when he has calmed down. Your GS may well be aware of what he needs but simply be unable to stop himself once he has reached a certain point.

It might also be worth a visit to his GP. There are drug treatments which can help children with ADHD.

Glorianny, as someone who worked with children with ADHD I reiterate what you have said.
We only excluded as a last resort.

In my school we had a calming room specially kitted out, where children with challenging behaviour could find a calm space.
I also found that some pupils had to reach a certain point, where they had no control, before they calmed down. It was so painful to watch their distress.
I too would be seeking help from a GP in the interim.
I worked with a family where four brothers had ADHD and were extremely violent. It was not safe for other pupils to have them in a mainstream class, but my LA had a policy of total inclusion.

Just a thought which might make you feel better. A lecturer discussing ADHD once said that the majority of small businesses are started by people who could be described as this. They are.the risk takers and the entrepreneurs. Your GS may have school problems but may flourish in the wider world.

ADHD is difficult to live with- for everyone affected! It’s not easy to get an EHCP so every bit of evidence can help to persuade the local authority that the personalised support of an EHCP is required. Exclusions can be part of the evidence that a child needs more support than the school are able to provide without extra support and funding.
As the GS has a diagnosis already, I presume he is already under the care of a specialist clinic.
It’s useful to try and work out what triggered the behaviour. What was happening leading up to incidents and are there common features that occur befor incidents? (hunger, anxiety, overexcitement, confusion unexpected changes, teasing?) that could be reduced?

Forgive me if I don’t explain this well! I’m the parent of a now adult child with learning disability ASD and ADHD and those early years were utterly exhausting and very challenging- especially before the then equivalent of an EHCP. Our son ( non verbal at the time) started to thrive once in a specialist school with smaller quieter classes learning at his level -which was right for him due to his learning disability. It was a devil of a job to get the place!
Both the child’s self confidence and the parents can be damaged and get very low. Everyone ( child and family) will be disappointed and upset when things go wrong. What can you do to help? Well first don’t criticise the child/ parents ( I know you didn’t) only the behaviour-. They probably get far too much blaming and ostracising already! Try and be positive and supportive and keep the child calm. Standard parenting methods that work for normally developing children often work far less well for atypically developing children.
Don’t despair! Parenting support groups or organisation for children with ADHD may be helpful for the parents- Sometime knowing you are not the only parent struggling to get the best for their atypical child is helpful and other parents who have walked a similar path will often have the best tips and ideas.

So sorry your family are struggling. It’s really hard when you are trying to get support for a child that can’t cope with the normal day to day school life. Is there a specialist school he could go to or one with a good SEND presence.
The school should do more to help. Exclusion is not the answer. He needs some quiet time to himself.
Not sure if funds are available but perhaps a private appointment with a child psychologist could help. Don’t know that much about ADHD but know that the National Autistic Society can help with all sorts of things and many autistic children suffer fro ADHD too. Perhaps you could try phoning them to see if they can offer any advice.
Best thing for this young lad is that he’s loved so much. Show him you love him too no matter what.

We do not know why he slapped the Head of School, do we... so he might have been provoked. I am not taking the boy's side, but having worked as an LSE, I know that anything is likely to trigger them, especially since they do not understand irony or jokes. Chasing the children away from school is not the solution, because they are going to look at it as a prison, and they might even do things that get them suspended, on purpose.

So, EHCP is Education, Health, and Care Plan,
SEND is Special Educational Needs and Disabilities,

I don’t know what an LSE is . Learning Support something?

I’m sorry if I’ve missed it but has he had a diagnosis of ADHD? My DGS has ADHD and I know how challenging it can be both for the boy and his parents. I’m in Scotland so don’t know how things work in the rest of the UK but my DS and wife had a hell of a job to get a diagnosis and then help. The school seemed to think it was a slur on them and their teachers! They were fortunate to be able to go down the private route and they sought physical help as well as his body was slightly unbalanced and his eyesight was compromised. Would this be possible for your GS? DGS still has his moments but all in all has improved so much and gets on ok at school and plays lots of sport. I really hope your family can get some help OP.

Just to say that my granddaughter has just been diagnosed as having ADHD. She was too scared to attend school and when they took her to her GP and he said that he could not treat her at all until her diagnosis had come through which took a year. So going to a GP might be a waste of time.

Glorianny

If the school has excluded twice within 3 weeks they are obviously not providing your grandson with the support or proper circumstances to enable your GS to cope with his problems. It would be helpful if before he returns they, his parents and him could meet to discuss what has happened and what might have been done to prevent any repetition. Sometimes what needs to happen is for all staff to recognise the problem, step back before the boy feels he has to hit out, provide him with a safe space to reflect in and discuss the discipline issue when he has calmed down. Your GS may well be aware of what he needs but simply be unable to stop himself once he has reached a certain point.

I’m sorry I cannot agree with you. Without the ECHP in place (or even a diagnosis) the school have neither the funds nor the resource to be able to provide the right support for this pupil.

Even with a diagnosis and the funding in place this child would still have to learn lashing out like this is not acceptable behaviour, whatever the reason.

Sometimes a day “exclusion” gives the child an opportunity to chill out, calm down and reflect. All the other pupils in the class have to be supported too. Schools are currently dreadfully under funded, assessments are behind, some schools are having to cope with much larger classes due to RAC issues and there’s a teaching shortage.

Please don’t blame the school for this, it’s the whole system which isn’t working and letting down both pupils and teaching staff.

As a PS I truly hope your dear GS gets his diagnosis, is assessed quickly, financed and supported and it maybe that mainstream school is not the suitable for him.

I feel for you. As a retired teacher has your grandson been diagnosed by health professional? If so school should be aware of this and he should have an IEP and strategies in place and support if required. Also medication, if required, from GP. Im in Scotland but should be similar throughout UK. It's not easy but I would challenge the exclusion,he's 9!,if his condition is recorded. If not it needs to be formally recorded. Just be there and do what you can. Sending hugs to you. Xx

Cossy, what is a PS ?
Gransnet posters are awful at just giving the letters for things and not the full words. I understand if you are in the midst of thugs you would just use the abbreviation but most of us aren’t. Surely posters could just give the full words and an explanation if necessary. It feels to me that others are in the know and I’m excluded. For Gods sake just type the full words, this isn’t a secret society where we need to decipher a code.

I don't think I've ever written "Postscript" in full - that's how I took it, though.

So sorry to hear about your family's troubles.
Clearly the school don't currently have the facilities in place to deal with your grandson. Until he has been assessed they won't get extra funding to deal with his problems and, although it seems unfair, they cannot continue to have him disrupting the school.
It seems strange to me that the school haven't taken previous steps to get him assessed, problems like this don't usually come out of nowhere. Or is he relatively new to the school?

I'm sorry to hear this Struthruth but I second Cossy's post about the difficulties experienced in a mainstream school in attempting to meet the needs of your GS.
In a perfect world there would be sufficient space to give your GS a place to calm himself and enough (spare!) staff to keep a watchful eye and then be available to talk things over with him.
This is very unlikely to be possible in a stretched mainstream primary.
Specialist providers are able to offer such and children gain from this, but their funding is very different- classes of eight or ten pupils with two or three staff are usual.

Pippa22

Cossy, what is a PS ?
Gransnet posters are awful at just giving the letters for things and not the full words. I understand if you are in the midst of thugs you would just use the abbreviation but most of us aren’t. Surely posters could just give the full words and an explanation if necessary. It feels to me that others are in the know and I’m excluded. For Gods sake just type the full words, this isn’t a secret society where we need to decipher a code.

There is an Acronym button at the top of the page (underneath the big 'Gransnet Forums')

Chardy

Pippa22

Cossy, what is a PS ?
Gransnet posters are awful at just giving the letters for things and not the full words. I understand if you are in the midst of thugs you would just use the abbreviation but most of us aren’t. Surely posters could just give the full words and an explanation if necessary. It feels to me that others are in the know and I’m excluded. For Gods sake just type the full words, this isn’t a secret society where we need to decipher a code.

There is an Acronym button at the top of the page (underneath the big 'Gransnet Forums')

Actually not one of the acronyms, I believe she means Post Script

Daddima

So, EHCP is Education, Health, and Care Plan,
SEND is Special Educational Needs and Disabilities,

I don’t know what an LSE is . Learning Support something?

I agree with Pippa, and now I have ‘IEP’ to add to LSE, as I don’t know what either of them means. The acronym section doesn’t include any of these, or other medical type acronyms.

Glorianny

Just a thought which might make you feel better. A lecturer discussing ADHD once said that the majority of small businesses are started by people who could be described as this. They are.the risk takers and the entrepreneurs. Your GS may have school problems but may flourish in the wider world.

I agree, school doesn't suit everyone.

Obviously it's important to learn the basics but some children are square pegs and trying to fit them into the round holes of school is difficult.
Some people flourish as soon as they leave school and find their vocation. If they do want or need to stay in education after 16, a further education college may be a better environment for them too.

StruthRuth
Don’t loose heart. My granddaughter was expelled last year. That was after I don’t know how many exclusions.
Fortunately a teacher at that school recognised, despite her behaviour that she has a brilliant brain.
He got her into a school that is in the top 3 of the county and in the top 10 in the country. She’s flying because the school have a different calibre of teacher. There is discipline that is adhered to, and, when she’s anxious there is a place she can go to with no expectation needed.