Autism Barbie doll. Why don’t they make special needs Barbies little sister?

@pleasebenice - isn’t that where Granny comes in? Or both sets of GP’s?
While I totally sympathise with the sibling (s) of any child who has special physical, intellectual or emotional needs, this is not restricted to Autism is it?
Down Syndrome, physical handicap, life limiting illness - even terminal illness , tragically - all make their demands on the family dynamic. I wonder if there are Grans with experience of this situation who can share their insights?
That saying that it takes a village to bring up a child reminds me that it’s not just the parents who have a role to play.

RosiesMawagain it really isn't that simple. When it's the child without problems that always has to make the accommodations and adjustments it is very hard on them. We have exactly that situation in our own family with one set of grandchildren. I'm extraordinarily proud of my grandchild who has coped generously and kindly with the extra attention and care needed by his younger sibling with multiple disabilities, which have greatly restricted his own life. He accepted never having the normality of inviting a friend round to play because younger sibling couldn't cope, holidays restricted by younger child's disabilities, rarely having both parents attend his events or prize givings because for a while younger sibling couldn't cope with both parents being absent. And so much more. His parents have supported and encouraged him in all his interests from academic, to sports and music and he shows great appreciation of that, but when he was younger he definitely found it hard at times. Saying it takes a village to raise a child really is a bit trite and doesn't address the feelings of Pleasebenice's granddaughter.

Saying it takes a village to raise a child really is a bit trite and doesn't address the feelings of pleasebenices granddaughter

I’m sorry you think it’s trite but what you say actually proves my point that Autism need not be the only cause for one child in a family needing more support and consideration.
There are others in the extended family who can offer support and grandparents are high on that list.

Finally though, it’s not about Barbie dolls is it.

I think if your DGD is feeling left out, I think this is much deeper than just about an autistic Barbie.

I think perhaps this little one is feeling “put out” rather than left out and maybe she feels her older sister has far too much time spent on her and allowances made.

How old are they both?

Having neuro-diverse children (& siblings) can, at times, be hard work, very frustrating and fraught.

Making sure the neuro-typical children don’t feel left out, jealous, angry etc etc is very hard and maybe something that could be addressed by parents.

RosiesMawagain

@pleasebenice - isn’t that where Granny comes in? Or both sets of GP’s?
While I totally sympathise with the sibling (s) of any child who has special physical, intellectual or emotional needs, this is not restricted to Autism is it?
Down Syndrome, physical handicap, life limiting illness - even terminal illness , tragically - all make their demands on the family dynamic. I wonder if there are Grans with experience of this situation who can share their insights?
That saying that it takes a village to bring up a child reminds me that it’s not just the parents who have a role to play.

I totally agree and don’t find that expression trite in any way.

There again of our 5 children, 3 have “issues” which are so apparent even now they are adults.

My dear parents, when alive, fit and well, helped so much by having one round at a time as did some of my amazing friends.

Unless you’ve actually lived with neuro diverse people it’s so hard to both explain and understand.

Of course it’s not about Barbies, that’s just a peg to hang the feelings on. Support from grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles can be wonderful, but it will never equal the special relationship of a child with his/her parents. When it is always the same child who makes the sacrifice that’s sad and worthy of sympathy.

Last post to Rosiesmawagain

When it is always the same child who makes the sacrifice that’s sad and worthy of sympathy

Of course it is.
But sympathy alone is not enough.
A family has to find a way forward if the child or children are not to feel neglected.
The effects need not always be negative however, I have seen the huge support and encouragement of one young teenage boy towards his younger Down Syndrome sister. .

I don’t always think sympathy is the right way to go, if a child is special needs or ill or for some other reason needs a lot of attention, then it’s up to the parents to find ways around that It may mean one day a week the disabled child goes to a club or group to give the other child one to one with the parents The grandparents will have a big role if they live near by as will aunties or uncles or any extended family to give time and treats to either child to free up the parent or parents to be with the other
I believe many parents handle this very well using everything they can find to make life as fair as possible for both
If one of the children is feeling left out ‘again’ as you put it PleaseBernice then the parents are not handling this family as well as it could and should be and nor are the grandparents

Get together and get a plan going

RosiesMawagain

^When it is always the same child who makes the sacrifice that’s sad and worthy of sympathy^

Of course it is.
But sympathy alone is not enough.
A family has to find a way forward if the child or children are not to feel neglected.
The effects need not always be negative however, I have seen the huge support and encouragement of one young teenage boy towards his younger Down Syndrome sister. .

As I've said I'm immensely proud of my grandson and his acceptance of the life he's had necessitated by his younger siblings disabilities which include autism and learning difficulties. He truly is a caring, loving soul, who loves his sibling very much, and fortunately doesn't hold negative feelings. Feelings are very personal though and I can appreciate that sometimes it's impossible to make someone feel as if they're not neglected if that's their personal perception, no matter how much effort is expended.
I hope Pleasebenice's granddaughter can feel that she's as loved and valued and equally as important as her sister, which may well come with age. If they're into Barbies I don't imagine they're very old yet.

BlueBelle it's not always that simple as It may mean one day a week the disabled child goes to a club or group to give the other child one to one with the parents. Provision for special needs children is woefully lacking. Some children like my younger grandchild could have huge meltdowns if both parents were absent at once. That improved very gradually over the years, but it did mean my grandson very rarely got any one to one with both parents at the same time during that period. We as the only grandparents have always done what we could and have great relationships with both of them.

RosiesMawagain Thank you for comment. As others have said it is not really about Barbie dolls but more about siblings feelings of always being second. Yes grandparents can help but never feeling the first priority for your parents is hard.

Anyway, thank you all for the helpful comments.

Pleasebenice

I want something that celebrates the siblings of children with special needs. They get ignored and side lined. Can’t go holiday because that would overload autistic sibling. Can’t go to the fireworks with both parents and so on. They become ‘glass children’. Their needs are always secondary to the child with needs. It’s hard. If the need are lifelong, it will be their responsibility to sort out or provide care one day.

So what exactly are you wanting Mattel to do?

I was shunted off to my grandparents when my twin siblings were born and I absolutely loved it. I remained much closer and more devoted to my darling grandparents than I ever was to my actual parents.
This is a risk to the parents of the disabled child but might be worth it.

PleaseBernice believe me I know it’s not simple ever and I truly take on board how difficult it is to juggle
We are not always given an easy hand but its up to the adults to make sure the mainstream grandchild has as much attention
(in different ways of course) as the other
No not easy at all but must be done So when the autistic grandchild gets something positive like the special doll the other child gets something they can choose that’s special and wanted, after all they have the advantage of going off to play with friends, enjoying socialising at school clubs and other social activities
I think you have to see a more rounded view and not feel sorry for the other child (which is a negative emotion) who let’s face it will have all the things to comes in life that the other may struggle with Your concern will rub off on the children
Just my take on it

Buy your other granddaughter a Lottie doll. Much nicer.

Mine’s too old for Barbies and she preferred Lotties anyway, but that Barbie is in no way representative of my autistic daughter!

I’m going to come back to this as I’m a bit busy atm. I have an adult child with a severe and complex disability, when my children were growing up the most useful thing for feeling ‘normal’ was attending a sibling carers group. They picked them up from the house in a taxi, took them out for the day, took them out for meals, they even took them on holiday. This alongside a weekly local youth club for sibling carers, it really helped them feel ‘normal’ it was all scrapped during austerity. We had no family nearby so it was a god send really. It’s a shame these children became more isolated and more invisible

Our town have a young carer group...its very popular....and they do fantastic trips all free

Pleasebenice you are entirely right about the siblings of children with special needs. Their lives are circumscribed.
BlueBelle It is virtually impossible for one parent go on any kind of expedition with one autistic child plus two siblings.
I was a volunteer who befriended families who were in this situation. One thing I remember was taking the 5-year-old to watch her sister in year 6 play in a netball match against another local school. It would have been impossible with the 8-year-old autistic brother.
For the two girls, the befriender was an extra resource. And for the mother, just someone to take some of the pressure off.