Wills and estranged children.

smileless so you dont think you should love your children unconditionally?

I think that there is a big difference between leaving out an estranged child ( or other family member) and deciding to even up life chances for ones children or GCs.
The decisions come from very different places.

At the moment our wills leave our money as evenly as possible. However, a situation is developing in which the following is likely :
One Gc will be a precious only, with a large trust, inherited from her mother's family; enough say, to buy her a house outright and pay for any education she is likely to want. Our contribution would hardly be noticed.
2 GCs will have no money at all from the other family, chronic illness has meant that the other GPs live in rented accommodation, with almost no savings. Our money will make a huge difference to those Gcs.
Fortunately, we all get on very well and share similar values. Once the situation is clear, we will discuss carefully with all adults and older children. Whatever we decide will be explained in a letter, and there will definitely be keepsakes.

It's a difficult issue often discussed by parents who've been CO by an AC.

For me annsixty's post is right in that if an AC refuses to have any contact with you, they shouldn't expect to inherit when you've gone.

Inheritance is a gift, not a right. Why would someone wish to receive a gift from someone they've refused to have any thing to do with?

Paddyann all relationships have highs and lows, faults on both sides but the act of CO your parents is monumental and IMO unjustifiable unless there's been abuse in the relationship. That said, if an AC chooses not to have contact with their parents there's the issue of GC to consider. It's estimated that 1 million GP's in the UK because they're estranged from their AC are also estranged from their GP's.

We changed our wills some time ago. Our ES is and always will be our son. Making the decision we have is not refusing to acknowledge our son, even though he refuses to acknowledge us.

My mother disinherited me a couple of years ago because she sees myself and Mr. S. as being financially secure and my brother not so. TBH I did feel I'd been rejected as I'd done a lot to look after her and my stepfather while my brother was living away.

I can honestly say that her decision hasn't affected my relationship with my brother, it's her money so it's her decision.

There's no need for you to make a decision at this time Luckylegs so I would leave things as they are for now until there comes a time when you know what you want to do and can do so with a clear conscience.

Maybe you could leave a token amount to your estranged child to show you still care even though they cut you off.
I do think it's wrong to leave out a wealthy child but there are (rare) times when a child's behaviour has meant it is appropriate to cut them off.

they're still your children and there may have been faults on BOTH sides and you just dont recognise that.I would never leave one of mine out of my will ..regardless of what they did..or how often they saw me.They are my children and nothing can change that

Its easy to say, since I'm not estranged, but I would not worry about someone who wasn't worried about me.
People reap what they sow, and I would assume that a child who had cut me out of their life would have given thought to these issues and decided that any money would be unwelcome.

Perhaps you could leave something personal or family oriented for the estranged one, you haven't forgotten them at all, it does hurt to have nothing from a parent.

I think that your money is yours to do what you like with. I think there are just a few issues that need considering:
Morally, if some of your money was inherited on the understanding that it would go to the children
Legally if an estranged child might have claim on the estate - so if there is a lot of money or complicated family situation, needs to be discussed with a solicitor. I also understand, like annsixty, that a letter helps. You may also need to consider the grandchildren if there are any.
However, I think you are on dodgy ground with annsixty's other suggestion. At a personal level, suggesting siblings might share puts a burden on them. The other problem is that if someone is in receipt of state benefits, and inherits a sum of money, they cannot refuse it or give it away(well, they can, but the benefits are awarded as if they have it!).
So I do think that your will has to reflect what you want to happen. And of course, it can be changed if circumstances alter.

Very difficult situation for you luckylegs I understand your feelings but think you should will something to your estranged child if only to prevent the siblings falling out.

I would cut them out but say to siblings, if they choose to share that is their decision.
If someone cuts contact and doesn't care how you are they should not be rewarded, but leave a letter with your will explaining your reasons. I think that would stop them making a claim, but not absolutely sure.

I remember reading an article from someone whose parents had decided to leave their whole estate to her sibling because she had done well in life and her sibling had not. There was no estrangement, the wealthier sibling had been close to her family.

In this article she wrote about her overwhelming sense of rejection, that her parents dismissed her for her success. She said that she could have understood her parents leaving more to her sibling but to be cut out of the will completely entirely devastated her and affected her relationship with her sibling.

If a child has already cut themselves off from their family. That is a very different thing and how one reacts in those circumstances will vary from individual.

I am in the process of changing my will to exclude my eldest son. He has had no contact with us for nearly 10 years (grown up grandchildren the same) so I think that shows he doesn't care about us or anything we may have. So youngest son will be sole heir.
It has taken some thought, and yes guilty feelings, but if we are not good enough in life then nothing should be expected when we're gone.

I don't think it's a moral issue , it's simply your decision. Maybe discuss it with your other children? What would they think?