Is there anyone here whose estranged adult child re-established contact?

Hi all
I heard a similar story [prob on here] where the grandmother went to estAC house with Xmas gifts, they were out, but GC was there with babysitter. GM gave the gifts to BS with GC standing on the stairs behind, GM said come and give your nannie a hug & kiss before I go the little girl said No! we don't talk to you because we don't like you! The GM contemplated taking her life that day.
Strangely they were all reunited shortly after, maybe the BS told what happened and they felt bad and so they should.

Sugarpuffairy I totally understand. Before we moved
Mr. S. said that if we stayed in the village, just 15 doors away from our ES and only GC, that at least we might get to see the children from time to time, even if we couldn't talk to them.

I remembered reading about an EP and GP who went to her ED's house with a birthday gift for her GD. The other GM was there and opened the door and the GD, I think she was 7 or 8 told her GM not to let her in because she's a bitch.

I told this sad story to Mr. S. and said I'd never want to risk being abused by our own GC. It was something he'd never considered happening, but clearly it can and does.

Sugarpuffairy- Peace...

DH - dear husband, DC - dear child, etc. Click on Acronyms above for more.

Totally with you. What is a DH, a DC etc:

Hi Thanks for all the kind and supportive messages.
I have given it a lot of thought and I am positive staying away is the best thing. I feel sorry for anyone who does not have the brains to see through the lies of someone with many an axe to grind.
It is sad for the DGC but I could not bear to have the same abuse from a young child (7).
I would never have treated my parents like this.
Thanks everyone

Thanks for these replies - you are right of course and it does sadden me that I have to see them separately each time - no family gatherings at Xmas etc.
well I expect they will have to speak to each other when I pop my clogs and they have to share my stuff out ?

Mrsmopp, I so feel for you. It must hurt terribly to see your 2 DSs so estranged for so many years. Hugs!

IMO, it's normal for you to want to know why they're estranged. But it's their right, of course, not to tell you. And it may be something you wouldn't want to her/they may be protecting you. Besides, what good would it do if they told you? Would you try to mediate? Evaluate the situation and take sides? All that would be likely to do is backfire and cause one or both to be angry at you. So please trust their judgment and leave it alone. You really don't need to know why they are estranged and you are probably better off not knowing.

IMO, also, it's normal for you, as their mum, to want to "fix" things. But, as others have indicated, there's really nothing you can or should do since they are adults, after all.

I know you won't stop thinking about it altogether. But please try to let it go as much as you can.

^"I see both my sons on a regular basis but my problem is that they won't speak to one another. They have not met for several years and they won't tell me why.
I am at a loss as to sort it out.
How can I reconcile them?"^ You can't because they don't care to.

Mrsmopp, they are adults if they don't want to speak to each other that's thier business, can you not respect their right to make their own decisions and choices?

Yes. We have a different relationship now, but it works. Good luck x

You can't mrsmopp. Being in both of their lives maintains the link they have to one another but there's really nothing you can do.

I see both my sons on a regular basis but my problem is that they won't speak to one another. They have not met for several years and they won't tell me why.
I am at a loss as to sort it out.
How can I reconcile them?

I was thinking the same thing Starlady can you imagine how an AC would feel if they divorced their partner who their parents were really fond of, so they decided to cut them out?

You'd think they'd want their parents to be happy, even if that meant they could no longer be together.

Ok, I realize, sometimes, there are issues w/ a parent's new spouse that lead to estrangement. But I don't think it should ever be b/c one parent divorced the other. That's their right, and AC have no say in it. No doubt, most of them reserve the same right for themselves.

Again, so sorry about all the sad stories here and happy for the reconciliations. One thing I think is especially wrong is when AC blame one parent for a divorce and go NC b/c of it. If the parent was abusive to spouse or kids, that's the only reason I can understand that. Otherwise, even if they cheated, well, we don't know the dynamics of another couple's relationship, even our parents, and, IMO, should not take sides.

"I stay away now and I am safer because the AC can be violent and that is even worse than a husband who is violent."

OMG, Sugarpuffairy! I am so sorry! I'm glad you're keeping yourself safe. I hope you are building a new life, separate from them and are receiving counseling.

Sorry to hear that Witchypoo?
it's very painful but I think ultimately you have to just cut your losses and move on

Child wont have contact with me. I asked why, was told to work it out for myself. I am too old to start working things out. If cant be told what i have done wrong it ok. No inheritance all goes to a charity close to my heart. Move on with my life. If child wants to bocome friendly again it would be hard but possible.

Goodness Sugarpuffairy how terrible for you. The mental and verbal abuse we received from our ES was terrible but physical abuseI can't begin to imagine what you must have gone through.

Smileless2012 thankyou, I know you can imagine how it felt after years of...

Namsnanny I know, very very grateful that there is love still there

I was responding to Sugarpufffairy's post about lies ..

Maybe believing lies, no matter how obvious, is easier to do than seeking out the truth- But even after being shown proof that something isn't true, like fake news for example, people continue to believe the lie instead- So maybe there's a bit of laziness involved and a bit of denial and defensiveness when proven wrong-

People with agendas repeat themselves, sometimes to help someone shift their unhealthy view, sometimes to get others to believe what they believe and unfortunately sometimes to get others to believe lies-

Yes. My dd would not speak to me after I remarried after divorcing her father. It tried to speak with her, she hung up on me. I wrote to her but got no reply. I sent birthday cards they were returned unopened. Eventually I could take no more rejection so stopped trying to contact her. It went on for 5 years and I honestly thought she would never speak to me again. Then out of the blue she rang me and said she wanted to meet up. I went and she told me she was getting married. We both cried and hugged. Everything is wonderful now. She has two dc who we see regularly. I know at the time we were estranged I used to cry easily and especially on her birthday, on Mother's day and Christmas. I hope you will be reconciled but when it looks bleak don't give up hope.

Have a young friend who is estranged from mother. Find it all quite sad and bizarre. But who knows what goes on in other people’s relationships. I would move heaven and earth to keep on board with my adult children. But you never know what’s around the corner. Have a sibling that didn’t speak to me for 15 years. Now does very occasionally. Families are tricky...