Do you plan on cutting your EAC out of your will?

When my MIL died last year, we got much less than my husband’s siblings, after having been estranged for many years. We hadn’t expected anything, and were surprised to get what we did. We “ lost “ about £10,000, but felt this was a small price to pay for the years of peace we had, after having spent many years trying to sort things out.

After 20+ years of no contact any changes made to our wills would remain.

The only person I know who was NC with parents for 20+ years decided to renew contact when they were older. I did wonder if inheritance might have something to do with it.

If our son who estranged us doesn't know that we did and do love him unconditionally, leaving him an inheritance isn't going change his mind.

Some animals are unsafe
Some weather conditions are unsafe
Some people are unsafe

It is okay, right even! For kids to know this

I had some rather risky/extreme hobbies as a child/young adult. Rule 101 was ALWAYS that a bit of fear keeps you safe! "Fearless" club members would be asked to leave if they didnt learn a bit of fear/respect for the animals/elements as they not only put themselves at risk, but others too.

"Sanitising" everything to your kids is more dangerous than fear. Fear = survival! Fear is a healthy emotion. It is not healthy to have no fear. It is a very useful instinct.

I think estranged children should inherit. Visible proof to AC their parent loved unconditionally. Leaving nothing is a slap to the face, never to be gotten past.

An old aunt of dh's who had a considerable amount to leave, and no children, had originally split her estate between dh and his brothers.
But she later cut one brother out, because she was disgusted at what she saw as his wife's reckless spending (it was) and didn't want her getting her hands on any of the money.

However by the time she died, that brother was divorced, so the brothers made a Deed of Variation, and put him back.

You hear so often of widowers remarrying, and then leaving everything to the new wife, nothing to their own children. I find it hard to understand how anyone can do this (unless of course they're very seriously estranged).

I know of one awful case where the widowed father (with early dementia) was persuaded by his live-in carer (arranged by close and loving family) to marry her, and change his will entirely in her favour. He then died not long afterwards.

Because he had not been officially deemed to lack capacity, there was nothing they could do. They did contest the will - it was a substantial estate - but the woman was so clever and plausible that they lost. It had evidently been obvious from very early on that she had gained complete control over him, and was firmly distancing him from his own family, even making him afraid of displeasing her by seeing them at all.

The live-in carer was an ex-nurse, and the daughter who told me all this firmly believed that she'd had the know-how to cleverly hasten his end, though since he'd been swiftly cremated there was no possible way to prove it.

I understand the pain LondonGranny. We're estranged from our youngest son and only GC and have been for almost 7 years.

We were fortunate that we never had a relationship with them. The eldest was 8 months old when we last saw him and we never saw the youngest. It's so much harder for GP's who had spent time with their GC and built a relationship and then have them taken away.

That must have been a shock for your friend and her D, but a lovely one.

I didn't know that about Nigel Havers bingo. Just shows what a complex matter inheritance can be even with a will.

I hope I'm not in the will, that would be awful. Doubt they have much to leave, but wouldn't want it.

Re. second marriages and inheritance - remember the Nigel Haver's case where his wife Polly left most of her estate to her 2 sons by previous marriage. But Havers contested Will - that he had not been properly provided for and got most of her estate with sons legal fees being £180,000 which came out of the estate - so you may not need to disinherit your children anyway!

Smileless2012 Thanks, it is very painful and not a day goes by without thinking of them. As it happens I've just poured granny-ish love towards other kids of my acquaintance, not least a close friend's only child that was diagnosed as the menopause by a brusque locum GP, giving my friend a real shock on discovering she was actually pregnant a few months later when she was nearly gone to term!

I don't know what to say LondonGranny. Sorry seems so inadequate.

My SiL and D have cut off all contact with us, long story but we lent them our pension pots to save their bacon (and house) before we retired and SiL & D behaved really badly about it and didn't draw up a solicitor's agreement as promised despite several requests (we lent them the money first...it was literally that urgent).
Anyway, finally they rang up to say they had our money. We'd been bricking it for about five years thinking we'd lost the lot and they then asked if they could borrow it again. We said no because my husband had a (minor-ish) stroke during that time and wanted to retire asap.
The upshot was that they cut us off completely saying all we cared about was money (also a very snarky comment about them knowing other people they could borrow off as if they were doing us the favour!). We've been denied contact with the grandchildren since then. We've not cut my daughter out of our will though. Unlike them, we don't own a house, we rent from a HA so it's family heirloom stuff all of which is clearly itemised in our wills as to which child gets what.

That's always been my philosophy Rhinestone our DS is more than welcome to what ever is left but we want to enjoy what we've worked so hard for rather than worrying about leaving an inheritance.

Gosh is it really approaching 5 years of estrangement with your stepson and 2 years with your son? It seems much longer doesn't it, that it was another life.

I have every intent on spending my money. We have taken my stepson out of the trust as we are going on five years in February and we have left his portion to his two boys.
My son has not had contact with us in two years and we may take him out next. I don't believe in rewarding bad behavior.
My daughter and stepdaughter will get what's left over.

I can understand that Scentia, if I'd felt the need to estrange myself from my parents I wouldn't want to receive an inheritance either.

It's awful the damage a marriage partner can do to a family Itsnotme. Why on earth would a daughter in law expect to be included in her f.i.l.'s will (hope I've read that correctly).

Mr. S's. mother has recently gone into a nursing home so her children are sorting through her possessions. He came home this evening with a beautiful tea set from her display cabinet for me.

I'm over the moon with it. We've had our issues over the years but it means so much to have something to treasure that she once treasured herself.

My SIL has kicked off about not being included in my fathers will !! Of course inheritance goes to my brother, and she will benefit from it. But she has gone NC and doesn’t speak to me or my father., and has virtually barred my brother from seeing my father. She has had such an influence on him, that my brother has said to my father that he doesn’t want any inheritance. Brother is so cut off now that my father is inclined not to give him any, but he knows that brother is financially well off anyway.

Sil is a real nutter.

TwentyTwenty and as for your example with the frying pan, that is nothing like convincing your own D that she is to experience fear if she just sees her GP's, and should run screaming for her life if she ever sees her uncle.

I seriously think, IMO you’d maybe know what you were taking about if you’d been sent Jihadsit terrorist visual messages from your family.

But you haven’t, so you’re wrong.

Or maybe I spoke out of turn? Have you been terrorized by your family??

Look, I’m willing to entertain your straw man argument for a while.

But back to the original point, parents may decide to frame anything they want with their perspective on what they believe is best for their children. Even GPS boxes that are eventually coming.

You attempting to shame me, or make me feel like I’m doing someone wrong when I’m not, while knowing that I have the legal and scholastic leaders on my side, didn’t work at all. WE all know why we are making the decisions for our daughter, together, supporting each other.

You folks that don’t agree just don’t fit into the equation.

So, we’ll just have to agree to disagree on the subject.

I am an EAC and I don’t want a penny of their money, so wouldn’t really care if I was in the will or not. HTH!!

IMO it takes an incompetent parent not to love their child enough to instill the fear of dangerous things and people.

It may even border on child-neglect when they get hurt or lost because of the parents ignorance.

Look out!!!! Stop!! You almost got hit by that car, you have to look where tubas going!!!!! ( I also used to get a yank backwards on my arm, thankfully).

No, instilling fear of harmful things or people in our child is not a bad thing.

No matter how many of you here on GN say that it is.

It is a good, responsible thing.

Oh, now I feel shame.. just like you wanted. In being sarcastic, if you can’t tell.

So, any of you warn your kids about ‘stay close, someone may take you’, ‘don’t go too far, someone might run off with you’, ‘stay over here, you may get lost and I won’t be able to find you’... Hmmmm.. but because I’m an abused child of a parent, I am bad and should be ashamed of telling my daughter of known threats and dangers.. HOT PAN!! It will BURN!

Not to mention, the principle has photos and car descriptions of them all, and our private school is a police transfer station, and they all agree with me that they’ll likely get tackled by the officer of any of them show up.

Should you report them to social services also??

Social services would get schooled on our unified position of warning and keeping my daughter safe. I think we’re all in pretty good standing.

But I’ll at least share your comment with our daughter’s principal, she finds folks like you amusing.

I remember 'South Pacific' but not that song nonnie. I agree the potential damage to a child taught to hate and fear is too horrible to contemplate.

I very much doubt that there'll be many, if any who are helped by your contributions TwentyTwenty and as for your example with the frying pan, that is nothing like convincing your own D that she is to experience fear if she just sees her GP's, and should run screaming for her life if she ever sees her uncle.

A parent should never instill fear into a child and IMO the only reason they would want too would be to make a child wholly reliant on them for their very survival, which would then give that parent absolute power and control.