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Estrangement

Do you plan on cutting your EAC out of your will?

(127 Posts)
Purpletinofpaint Sun 04-Aug-19 10:49:22

Just curious. I already know I'm cut out of my dm's will as she told me 20yrs ago when we were still talking. She just dropped it into conversation one day that they'd made new wills & everything would be going to her new dh & on his death, to his brother. I was a bit gobsmacked at this at the time because it felt very cold but then that's my mum. I've never asked my siblings how they feel about it, we're all NC with her.

So I'm curious, if your adult DC has cut you off, do you plan on leaving them out of your will or will you still keep them in?

Dolcelatte Sun 04-Aug-19 12:31:39

I am sorry to hear that Purple. It's not the money so much as the feeling of rejection, isn't it? Maybe your DM thinks you and your siblings will be alright financially, but is worried about her DH when she goes. I don't understand about the brother though.

Urmstongran Sun 04-Aug-19 12:49:25

I would do it (if estranged for years).

Luckily it’s not happened in our family

But - Don’t want me? Your choice. Don’t want my money either.

paddyann Sun 04-Aug-19 12:52:11

I think a parent leaving everything to a new wife/husband is the cause of huge problems in some families.My friend father remarried and has done the same thing ,it goes to his new wife and she has said it will all go to HER daughter when she dies.

My friend is livid ,HIS mother worked hard to build up that house and investments etc and its all going to a stranger ,someone she didn't know existed .I understand his dad wanting to take care of his wife but surely his children should have something from their mothers lifelong work .Its a minefield .Our wills leave it all to each other and has a clause that IF either of us was to remarry evrything deemed to be the others "share" would be split between our children .Much fairer I think .

hugshelp Sun 04-Aug-19 12:53:56

I really don't know. I wouldn't want to cut out our ES but as he's so angry with us he would probably give it to the cat's home. He is very comfortable financially and our DD is disabled and poor. So I can see why maybe I should. I live in hope the estrangement will end but I've done all I can and no-go so far. It's stopping us making a will tbh but we will have to at some point.

hugshelp Sun 04-Aug-19 12:54:39

But I can't understand your DM doing it while you were still talking OP.

notanan2 Sun 04-Aug-19 12:57:51

Purple given your past posts and how chaotic your mother is I wouldnt be surprised if she leaves nothing but debts, and has just said that as a weapon to hurt you rather than as a statement of fact.

She doesnt come across in your other posts as organised enough to even do things like organise a will.

You need to somehow stop allowing her the power to hurt you like this. At some point you need to stop expecting any better from her x

Minniemoo Sun 04-Aug-19 13:08:26

Sorry to sound a bit dense but what does EAC stand for? I get the gist of your post though.

I always find it sad when children are cut out of wills but there are many reasons why it happened.

It's done to cause hurt as a rule. That last vestige of power.

I'm close with all my children and can't imagine being estranged but if it ever happened I'd still keep them in the will. Everything to be split evenly between the three of them. And a small amount to a charity I've supported for years.

Minniemoo Sun 04-Aug-19 13:11:03

Estranged Adult Children. Finally worked it out! Sorry about that

Namsnanny Sun 04-Aug-19 14:34:18

Purple paint....No consolidation I know, but at least you know what to expect!
In my case my when my dad died he left sentimental (worthless I might add) items to me that my mother has yet to ‘allow’ me to take!!

As she keeps whispering in corners to my brother, about where the will is kept, I have a strong suspicion I will be given a token amount or nothing!

As for my children it’s a minefield I have yet to come to a conclusion oversad

Nonnie Sun 04-Aug-19 14:43:47

* think minnie thinks the same as me. We see so many threads where DiLs make their DHs choose between them and his family and cut them off completely. I have often wondered how long it would take them to work out that they could be cut out of the will of the people concerned.

I have seen how entitled some people can feel after a death of someone they refused to communicate with, how they challenge everything and 'expect' so much. I fully understand why someone would make a point of cutting such a person out of their will.

I also wonder what message they are giving to their own children, that it is OK to cut your parents off. I do hope it comes back to bite them! So easy to take control and hurt other people because you are self centred but could be very short term thinking.

I am not in any way suggesting that any of the above applies to the OP, just musing generally

Septimia Sun 04-Aug-19 14:53:56

My aunt - no children - liked to be the centre of attention and was so put out because she wasn't the first person asked to DS's christening (we thought we needed to make sure the godparents could be there before inviting guests) that she said she'd cut me out of her will.

We did maintain friendly contact but, when she died, I got nothing; when my uncle (her DH) died, still nothing except little keepsakes.

That was fine. I'd already decided that if I did get anything, it was going to charity. That would have really annoyed them grin

NotSpaghetti Sun 04-Aug-19 15:19:18

My in-laws mirror-will splits the estate in 3 after the death of surviving spouse (3 adult children). The adult child who is estranged from my father-in-law had her share left half-and-half to her 2 children. Nothing for her, but "her share" for the grandchildren.

Sara65 Sun 04-Aug-19 16:00:23

I know I’m not in my mothers will, but I completely accept that, I don’t want anything to do with her, and I don’t want any of her money, of which she’s got a substantial amount.

But it’s quite fun speculating who will get what, my brothers had to work pretty hard for his inheritance, I hope it will be worth it, I think one of my children will be left something, but probably most will go to my nieces and nephews. Do we care? No, but I don’t think my dad would have approved of her power games.

Starlady Sun 04-Aug-19 16:11:09

Hmmm... This is a tricky one. I'm not estranged, but have a few friends who are and have heard arguments both ways about this issue. IMO, if an AC cuts off their parents, they shouldn't expect to inherit, shouldn't even want to, really, if they seriously want NC (no contact). In fact, I get what some posters are suggesting, that some AC might really not want it. Also, I totally get the "don't want me/don't get my money either" attitude that some EPs express. Like some posters, too, I wonder how many EAC even give that any thought or if some of them just expect the inheritance will be there?

Regardless, if, for some reason, I became estranged from DD, I would still leave her some money/possessions in the end. Possibly, I would leave some (more?) directly to my GC, but I would leave DD some, as well. Otherwise, it would feel too much like "vengeance" to me and extending the "war"... "beyond the grave." But that's just me.

Purple, I'm astounded that your mum said that to you even as you were reconciling or trying to. IMO, it's just another sign that she really has nothing to give you, dear, both literally and figuratively, nor, apparently, to any of your sibs. I'm so sorry. Hugs!

stella1949 Sun 04-Aug-19 16:45:03

DH and I have left our estates equally to 4 of our adult children( my two and two of his ). One of his sons is estranged from his father and has never spoken to me . I have no desire to leave him anything, and neither has DH who had nothing but grief from him before the estrangement happened. DH has left him £1 as per his solicitor's instructions ( so the son can't say his father "forgot" him). I have left him nothing . I can't see why someone who has estranged you should benefit from your lifetime of hard work.

dragonfly46 Sun 04-Aug-19 16:55:38

I have never been left any money. My parents willed all their money, what is left after care home fees, to our children. They need it more than us.
So far our estate goes to our two children equally.

I cannot imagine either of them would go NC.

BlueBelle Sun 04-Aug-19 17:00:17

No I could never treat my children differently even if they weren’t in contact
Thanks for the update I had no idea what EAC was either oh if only people would write their acronyms at least in the first instance if they can’t be bothered to do it all the time

Daisymae Sun 04-Aug-19 17:11:57

I think that if ac have chosen no contact then it's to be expected that this will continue when the estate is realised. If someone doesn't want to see you they can't expect to inherit.

Sara65 Sun 04-Aug-19 17:17:37

Daisymae

I totally agree, my mother likes to tell my husband that unless I visit her, I’ll be cut out of her will.

Well, I certainly wouldn’t be a vey nice person, if I said, okay, fine let’s do it!

I don’t want her, and I don’t want her money.

notanan2 Sun 04-Aug-19 17:27:38

I think that if ac have chosen no contact then it's to be expected that this will continue when the estate is realised. If someone doesn't want to see you they can't expect to inherit.

Except thats not the case for the OP, who would have chosen to have a relationship with her mother if one was on offer!

Few people CHOSE to go no contact. Most are pushed/forced to

crazyH Sun 04-Aug-19 17:37:41

Purple, I don't know what really caused the rift between your mother and you. Goodness, I've had spats with all three of mine, but nothing that would cause me to cut them out of my will. I have a very obnoxious middle son, but he will certainly get his third.
I am understand one child going NC, but all??????
And I thought I had problems 😂

Daisymae Sun 04-Aug-19 17:43:20

As I understand it, the op asked if adult dc cut you off, would you cut them out of your will. Do my response was yup!

jacq10 Sun 04-Aug-19 17:46:48

In Scotland disinherited children have a claim to a portion of their parent's estate but just the "moveable estate" not property. I think they are entitled to one-third which might not amount to much when legal fees, etc are deducted.

Mossfarr Sun 04-Aug-19 18:12:13

I can't understand why people don't make a bloodline will so that in the event of a second marriage 'their share' of the joint estate goes to their own children (ie bloodline). It can not be passed to a second wife/husbands children.
It is very simple to set your will up in this way.

Paddyann, it would certainly have avoided the situation your friend is in.

I am not estranged from either of my children but my relationship with my daughter is difficult. Even so, they are equal in my eyes and will have equal shares of our estate.
That's if there's anything left after we've supported them both for so long!!