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There is no justice

(10 Posts)
Starlady Wed 25-Sep-19 21:10:35

IMO, Rebellious makes a great point! No doubt, abusive people are damaged inside for whatever reason. As you say, yourself, LC, such people don't seem to be capable of real happiness.

I'm wondering, though, where the "shoulds" are coming from? Who gets to say someone "should" be angry at this/that or "should" be hurt over this that? Who gets to make rules about what we "should" or "shouldn't" feel? No one that I can think of.

Bridgeit Wed 25-Sep-19 20:28:48

Lostchild, Please start to believe that you have not been wired wrong, but believe that the wiring you have is not how you now wish it to be.
You can change that wiring but you need to decide which wires are no longer useful , which ones will be of use & help to unravel the ones left over.
Your Dr should be able to assist with this with recommending a counsellor,If you can afford a couple of private counselling sessions that would be good, but there are also the Samaritans, therapists etc also on line or wishes . You are not alone in feeling the hurt before the anger , that’s because you are a nice person.

Rebellious Wed 25-Sep-19 19:59:56

Lostchild abusive people are miserable. They are seething, angry, shame filled, jealous wretches. They abuse because they hate themselves. They abuse because they see a happiness in you they cannot have. They abuse because you are younger or prettier or more intelligent. They picked you because you had one or more wonderful qualities they could never have.

Justice was served before they ever thought to take it out on you.

LostChild Sat 21-Sep-19 13:14:31

Starlady, thank you again. I struggle with allowing myself feelings. I've been told they are wrong for so long. I do feel like I am capable of happiness my abusers aren't. Maybe that's a kind of justice.

EllanVannin Sat 21-Sep-19 13:14:11

Can I just add that you'll be stronger when you come out the other end ! Some things are sent to try us and try us they do !

EllanVannin Sat 21-Sep-19 13:11:45

Whatever comes up on Gransnet be sure that BradfordLass will have a solution. It's always refreshing to read her posts and LostChild you won't go far wrong if you read what this poster has to say.
I do hope that you find peace within yourself and are able to revert your " wiring " to where it once was x

Starlady Sat 21-Sep-19 12:48:21

LC, I can't add much to Bradford's very wise post. Just want to say that I don't think you're "wired wrong." Your feelings are YOUR feelings and you are entitled to them. When someone gets hurt or angry is, IMO, a personal thing. What matters most is how you (general) handle your hurt or anger. Still, if you (personal) are confused about why you feel the way you do, when you do, then I hope you talk this out with a counselor, as Bradford suggests.

LostChild Fri 20-Sep-19 23:23:27

Thankyou BradfordLass. I think I am frustrated that I have come so far and I've, hit a plateau I guess?

I'll keep trying.

A good friend once told me, that people get karma all wrong. It doesn't happen in this life, it happens in the next. I sorta hope that's true.

BradfordLass72 Fri 20-Sep-19 23:16:30

I agree with you in part LostChild and feel sorry for your hurt but you are talking about a system which has always allowed some bullies and abusers to get away with their evil.
This is nothing new I'm sad to say.

But don't believe or assume for one moment that they ALL get away with it. I know from personal experience, they don't.

I once asked a police officer how he managed to keep his hands off people who had hurt and abused small children and he simply said, 'Oh, we don't.'

And as a prison visitor I saw for myself the damage done to those inside who had hurt children.

Whatever modern innovations they bring into prisons, it is still a very, very grim place populated by many evil, vindictive people whose need for power has a limited audience. So the abusers are targets.

Your case is particularly bad and I hope you are able to talk out your anger and hurt with someone.
The world isn't fair, it never has been but we have to fight to preserve our own souls and, if we can, put down those burdens of anger and resentment. They can only do us more harm.

The abusers have damaged your life but don't let them ruin ALL of it by carrying it with you forever.

If you do, they are still winning, still causing you pain. You deserve better than that. You deserve to win back your contentment and love of life. flowers

LostChild Fri 20-Sep-19 22:51:17

I've always been wired wrong. I get hurt when I should be angry and I get angry when I should be hurt. I very rarely ever cry, but I did today.

It doesn't matter if you were abused by a parent, a family member, an adult child, bullies at school, a spouse or someone you thought was a good friend. It doesn't matter if they change the laws and tighten them up and if therapists or counsellors or friends and family believe you in the game of your word against theirs.

People are out there, absolutely destroying lives, ripping apart families and friendships and making workplaces unbearable.

Guess what? They are getting away with it.

Maybe that's why it's so hard to get over it and and move on. Because they are out there smugly enjoying a job well done while you pick up the pieces.