*SUPPORT* for all who are living with estrangement

PF I am sorry to hear about your DH. You are so right on what you said about focusing on the ones who love us . My cousin just told me this yesterday. It’s a hard task to take on but it is something we should all strive to do.

I am so sorry about your news PF and I really really hope that any further news is positive.

What utterly dreadful news for you and your husband to receive PF. I am so so sorry. Really pleased that you can come and post on here. You can put whatever you like. So many people are here and ready to support you. Sending love

Oh PF I don't know what to say. I'm so very sorry seems so inadequate but I am, more than words can sayxxx

Oh PF I am so sorry to hear that. You are right, focus on your DH and yourself and let you AC help if they can/want to.

Good morning everyone.

Sorry not to have posted for a while, but I have received the devastating news that DH has an aggressive form of cancer, which puts everything else into perspective really. The diagnosis was totally unexpected. He had suffered some indigestion and pain which was suggestive of an ulcer, so the GP referred him for an endoscopy, where a malignant tumour was found on the oesophagus. We will know more this week about how far the cancer has spread and how treatable it is.

DDs 2 and 3 have been wonderfully supportive and DD1 has phoned several times and messages regularly. She is clearly very concerned about DH and perhaps feels a trifle guilty at her recent shabby treatment of us. No matter, I need to put those feelings aside and concentrate on DH.

DH is the love of my life. We literally fell in love at first sight. We got engaged on our third date - he said he would have asked me on our first date but thought it was too soon, but I would have accepted! We have been happily married for 32 glorious years and he has always been there for me - I couldn't imagine life without him. I know that we have some very difficult times ahead but just have to try to stay as positive as possible.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that we all need to focus as best we can on the good things in our lives and those whom we love and who love us, because we never know what is round the corner.

Wishing everyone a happy Sunday.

I like my routines too smileless although I build in some 'ad lib' time to do whatever the mood takes from time to time.

Morning ladies, how's everyone doing?

We've settled back into our routine since returning from Aus. It took a few days to 'recover' from leaving DS and the long journey.

I'm very into routine, doing things on the same day of the week; changing the bed and ironing for example which is always a job for Saturday afternoons.

Mr. S. always worked Saturdays and even though he's retired my ironing day's remained the same. There's comfort in routine isn't there. A measure of control over some aspects of our lives which I find even more important when there are some more important aspects over which we have no control.

hugshelp yes he is

Welcome home smileless, glad you had a good trip even if coming back left you a bit deflated. Mr S sounds lovely, just what you needed.

I will Rhinestone

SmilelessWelcome home and sooooo happy that you had a nice time with your DS. Wow! Mr.S is so sweet and thoughtful to do that for you. Keep his husband contract going.
StarladyThank you for your suggestions. Unfortunately my ES lives with his father and he was watching the children. He does see my mother and everytime she tries to tell him that life is too short, she’s your mother, etc. it falls on death ears. Next week will be five years since I saw my ESS and his two boys. My husband says nothing as I seem to be the one most vocal about the pain.
They say as time goes on the pain gets easier. For me I get angrier which is not good. I play tapes over and over in my mind of what I should have said or done . But it really doesn’t matter because you can’t be rational with unrational people.

Thank you Starlady we had a lovely meal and the flowers are beautiful. I'm so lucky to have such a kind, loving and considerate husband.

Welcome home, Smileless! Sorry you're feeling low, but understand why. How thoughtful of Mr. S to bring you flowers and take you out for a meal. Hope it was delicious!

Rhinestone, I'm glad you're enjoying your holiday and taking care of yourself!

How selfish of ES to take out his anger at DD on the kids! I hope she does talk to them about it soon, either giving an explanation like hugshelps or just telling them there are adult issues going on. If she says the latter, IMO, she needs to tell them that he was wrong to take it out on them. But, of course, it's all up to her. In the future, if I were she, I would try to avoid running into him, especially if I had the kids w/ me. But again, that's her call.

Thank you Dawn. Feeling rather low at the moment having said 'goodbye' to DS so Mr. S. arrived this afternoon withand is taking me out this evening for a meal; bless him.

Smileless
A warm welcome back to you and your hubby. I too followed your lovely trip to Aus because at times l have followed your consistently practical, kind, solid advice you have given to those who suffer with estrangement. I have it myself with the in law situation for years and it is a heavy burden.
So take care and settle back down home and really well done for your 29 hours travelling.
Dawn

I'm glad your holiday is doing you some good Rhinestone; enjoy.

Thank you hugshelpand Smileless
My DD has said nothing to the children yet.
The cruelty just doesn’t stop .
We are still away from home and it’s amazing how much better I feel being able to get out in the sunshine and walk everyday. I have also had video chats with my psychologist. Taking care of me.

Morning ladies, home sweet home.

We got back Tuesday and yesterday was 'jet lag day' and feeling very emotional having left DS in Aus. It's wonderful when we arrive and heart breaking when we have to leave.

The dogs are on Mr. S.'s knee having a cuddle, we picked them up this morning and when we collect our cat this afternoon, our little family will be back together again.

From leaving DS's house to walking through our own front door took 29 hours!! It's a gruelling journey and I can't help but be relieved that we wont be going back to Aus. next year.

Hopefully DS will come to the UK next year he's been in Aus. for 6 years now and we've been over there 4 times so it would be nice if he 'suffered the journey' and came here next time.

It's an awkward situation for you and your DD Rhinestone and such a shame that your S ignored your GS. Regardless of his problems and antagonism toward his sister it's not right that he ignore his nephew.

I think hugshelp's suggestion of what could be said to the children is a good one. It might be an idea to ask your DD if she has said anything to them by way of an explanation, and if she isn't sure how to approach it, pass on hugshelp's suggestion.

Oh dear Rhinestone, I think I would say something to the children as they must be wondering what on earth is happening, and often children will assume it is their fault in the absence of any other explanation.
Something along the lines of 'ES' isn't feeling too good so isn't able to be as he should be around people. Although I don't know how exactly to word it - it's such a difficult thing.

My DD dropped her children off at her fathers as she was attending a social event. My ES has lived there for over a year with no job. The DGC walk in and start to play with his dog while my grandson says three times to my ES that he hadn’t seen him in a long time. My ES grabs his dog , ignores my grandson and doesn’t look at any of them while mumbling “ You couldn’t wait.” Apparently he wanted to be gone before my DD got there. He was gone all day with the dog in his car. Now does my daughter explain things to her children or say nothing. I’m sure they are bewildered as the last time they saw him over two years ago he was screaming at his sister what a horrible mother she was.

So pleased to read that you are having a wonderful time in OZ, smileless not that I thought that there was any doubt.
Everyone else, the support you give one another on this thread is amazing, grandparents feel so isolated and alone when they find themselves in this 'living bereavement', talking to others who understand is a life saver for many.

Nams, you are definitely NOT "worthless," as others have already said, and as I hope you know underneath it all. Hugs!

Rinestone, glad to hear you have found a good therapist. Nams, hope you do, too.

Hugshelp. adding my wishes for the best for DH. And for you, as well.

Smileless, glad you and yours are safe! Don't blame you for avoiding the news. Enjoy your holiday w/ DS! Looking forward to hearing from you more when you return.

Thank you for a lovely post smileless.
Thank you PF.
Wishing you all good days. x

Thank you so much, Smileless. I am delighted that you are having a wonderful time. I was actually quite pleased to see that you hadn't posted for a while, as I assumed that this meant that you were fully engaged and finding joy on holiday with your DH and DS.

Rhinestone - onwards and upwards

Nams - you are a wonderful, kind soul and human being. We all have good days and bad days, which is why this thread is here, to support each other through the highs and lows.

hugs - thinking of you and I hope all turns out well for your DH.