*SUPPORT* for all who are living with estrangement

Hi everyone.

It's been a busy time here in Aus. trying to fit in as much as possible and now just 4.5 days until we fly home.

Thanks for the "English flowers" Namsnanny and to everyone for their good wishes.

Thankfully we are on the other side of the country so unaffected by the fires Starlady but the news reports are really quite upsetting so we've been avoiding them as much as possible.

I think it's great that you are finding support on Mum's net PF. Counselling is certainly something to think about and it's imperative that whoever you see has the right 'fit'. You may be lucky and find that person straight away but I know from friends that it can take a couple of goes before you find someone you click with, and who clicks with you.

It's good to know you've found a psychologist who is helping you. FWIW I agree that making blanket apologies isn't a good idea. We can only truly apologise for what we know was wrong, and if we're not told or what we are told isn't true, I can't see what good it can do.

Namsnannydon't ever worry about sharing with us here, it is after all why this thread exists. I do understand being wary especially when, as you say "negative argumentative people (are) pulling us all apart for their own amusement usually", but we can ride those waves when they come together.

That "worthless" feeling is so hard to shake off, and when we do, it comes back from time to time. I'm sending youand some very warm Ausyand I hope both bring a little brightness into your day x

Sorry that your DH is unwell hugshelp and hoping that his appointment comes through soon and all will be well.

I have been popping on to GN and keeping my eye on you all but with so much going on haven't had the time to post, hence the length of this one.

If not before, I'll 'see' you all when I get back and in the meantime am sending my love to all you wonderful ladies x

Some days I just feel low and can't find the right words. Been a bit worried about DH too, think he has a peptic ulcer - waiting for another appointment for him atm.

Thinking of you all though.

Namsnanny, I cannot offer a solution for you. It must be the hardest thing ever feeling as you do, feeling worthless and with no support. Is there no other close family member or friend there for you? I only pop in and out of this thread, not estranged myself, but dongo months some times not seeing mine, just the way it is.
Coming on this thread, knowing others are going through the same is a must, but also getting your life together doing different activities, some voluntary work if you have the time, trying a new hobby would widen your circle and keep you busy so your mind isn't dwelling on what you don't have. You are not worthless, you bought your child up as best you could, you can't alter how they think do there us no alternative but to get that self worth back. I know people whom I would consider almost neglectful when bringing up their children and are now close to them, none of it makes sense. ?

Namsnanny I am sorry that you are feeling like you do. We are all here for you and I don’t know where I would be if I hadn’t found this thread five years ago. I have realized that we can’t let our AEC define us. We all do such head trips on ourselves with self blame and feelings of guilt. Believe I know making myself physically sick. Each day I try to tell myself
that I am a good person and I can’t control other people’s thoughts or actions.
I have learned to be with those that truly love and care for me whether it be friend or family. I cannot let those with a skewed mind label who I am. In addition to our support maybe you would like to try counseling as I have. It can’t hurt and you can always stop.

Thanks for your reply love0c

Namsnanny Please post as you want and say whatever you need to say. This thread is to help and support. Sorry you feel low at the moment. Sending warm wishes to you and hope you feel better soon.

PF ...it has been quiet on this thread hasn't it?
For myself I was keeping a low profile and licking my wounds after christmas. Which went as I expected but it knocked me sideways to realise I had been hoping that my eac might get I touch!
Then my narcissistic mother put the boot in (my fault for trying to keep a 'normal' contact with her).
So I've been feeling worthless and tongue tied.
I didn't want to bring down the happy positive vibe which was on here recently.
Too many negative argumentative people pulling us all apart for their own amusement usually, and I didn't want to rattle their cages!

It's the feeling worthless, and having no support in rl that brings me down so much.
Such a misery guts at the moment.

Rhinestone ... I've tried to post 3 times and this wretched phone has lost it (new one, I'm still learning!)
I'm glad you've found the right psychologist for you.
It's very important to find d some one with an empathetic perspective isn't it? Nothing worse than spilling all to someone who doesn't get it.

I am away from home so feeling better. Thank you PetitFromage
Yes she is definitely helping me and I recommend it to everyone but find one that fits you.
She has validated my feelings and has tried to show me where mental illness plays a role in all this estrangement sometimes.

Oh, poor you Rhinestone. That sounds dreadful. Is the psychologist helping? I do hope so.

I am going to a psychologist. She has been trying to help me overcome my stress. My son and stepson are estranged from us. My stepson has not allowed us to see his boys in five years . My son and his sister got into a fight and he won’t talk to me until his sister makes up to him. But he started the fight and thinks I support her. It’s been two years.
Anyways right now my therapist says to keep sending him cards or texts with love saying I hope one day we will be able to see each other Etc. She said don’t apologize for anything.
On the other hand there is an online psychologist who says to write an amends letter and more or less apologize for anything even if you are not at fault.
I made myself physically sick from all of this so that’s why I started seeing her.

Awesome to hear of a mom/MIL/GM finding support on Mumsnet! Just goes to show these sites are not all one-sided!

Just popping in to say hello to everyone. This thread has gone rather quiet, probably partly because Smileless is away, and hopefully she is having a wonderful time in Aus!

I have a thread running on Mumsnet at the moment about my own situation, if any of you are interested, as I have had a lot of support there. The thread is under Relationships and entitled 'Reconciliation after Estrangement'. A lot of posters recommend counselling and I wondered if anyone had tried it and with what success?

How is everyone? Is your reconciliation still going well Yoga? How are you getting along, hugs?

I'm another one who is glad you and Mr.S. got to Aus. safely, Smileless! I trust you will all stay away from any areas that are, sadly, burning. Stay safe and have a wonderful time!

So glad you arrived safely SmilelessEnjoy your DS and have a wonderful time.

I'm glad you got there safely! Enjoy your visit!

Oh wonderful smileless!

I'm beaming sat here on my own thinking of you and ds (&of course Mr s) relaxing into each others company!
Get your fill of hugs (as many as ds will allow!) And take some lovely photos to reflect on back home.

Dont worry about this thread for now - de stress!! but here's some English flowers for when you come back!

Sounds great Smileless

8.00 pm here in Aus. and DS is cooking up a storm in the kitchen.

Words cannot express the joy and emotion at walking into arrivals and seeing him standing there. A hug that I wanted to last a life time.

Flight was good but it just goes on and on; you think you're never going to get here. It's been a lovely, a lot cooler than it has been but just right for us Brits!!

Thanks Dilly

Wishing both you and Mr S a wonderful time visiting your son Smileless.

Sitting in Dubai waiting to board the next plane. Just done 7 hours 40 minutes now 10 hours 40 minutes to do. Good job we love you DS rr

Thanks every one we are sitting in the business class lounge waiting for our flight which leaves at 13.10. I’ll be keeping in touch with you all in between hugging DS

Wishing you a wonderful happy holiday with your son Smileless! ps if you get time say hello to us from Aus

Sorry... To!