*SUPPORT* for all who are living with estrangement

Thank you, Starlady. I think though that the change towards me was so sudden and so extreme that I don't see how it could have been anything but deliberate. I won't allow myself to be fooled by her again though. I am very concerned about how I will ever trust him again though. Actually at the minute I have been left feeling that it is very hard to trust anyone at all. And I have lost faith in myself. I feel very vulnerable.

I understand completely FS. Our ES's wife's change toward us was "so sudden and so extreme". I always thought I was a pretty good judge of character and in that regard, like you I was "left feeling that it is very hard to trust anyone at all".

I also wondered if I could ever trust our ES again, and as time has gone on I've come to realise that no, I'll never be able too.

For me, time has helped reduce my sense of vulnerability on a daily basis but there are times when it hits me with full force and even now, if I'm anxious usually about something in particular, I don't like to leave the house.

Friends were very kind when Mr. S. was in hospital, inviting me for meals so I wouldn't be on my own, but I just wanted to stay here where I feel safe.

How old was your ES? She was/is still a teenager.

Would it be ok if I message you, Smileless?

Yes by all means FS we appear to have a lot in common don't we.

Our ES was 27 when he estranged us 7+ years ago. In fact it was on his 27th birthday. I 'phoned him to wish him a happy birthday and after dialling his number heard "the person you are calling is no longer accepting calls from this number"

SmilelessDo you still talk to your ES mil? If so does she know about the estrangement?

I posted about October Rhinestone, that Mr. S quite literally bumped into her when he was leaving the nursing home where his mum now lives.

He opened a door and she was on the other side of it. They exchanged pleasantries, and she then asked him for a hug so they hugged one another.

I haven't seen or spoken to her for more than 7 years. She was a good friend and I feel sorry for the yo yo relationship she has with her D and our GC.

She knows about our estrangement and has been estranged by her D, our ES's wife on more than on occasion. As far as we know she's 'in' at the moment; a friend saw her with her D collecting our GC from school a couple of months ago.

I’m sorry I must have missed that post Smileless I see that your EDIL has a habit of estrangement. I guess that’s how she controls people as that to me is the ultimate control . It’s a shame that she doesn’t seem to have any clout to talk to her daughter about the estrangement with you. Sounds like she put the idea into your sons head.
They just closed the schools here In my state for three weeks because of fourteen people having that virus. Scary times.
Hope you all will stay well .

No worries Rhinestone. TBF she's probably afraid to say too much, if anything at all because she's been cut out herself.

Our ES married in Florida with only me and Mr. S. there because she didn't want her parents there but, using money some of which they'd given, on their return they had a church wedding blessing with bridesmaids, 3 best men!! and all the trimmings; it was just like a wedding.

Her parents were invited, her father spent a lot of time and money buying and installing a enormous 'glitter ball' for the reception but wasn't allowed to make a speech.

Say's it all really doesn't it.

Worrying times aren't they. Make sure you stay safe and well too.

My cousin, who hadn’t seen his stepson in five years, just got a call from him out of the blue yesterday. He told them he had been thinking of them and loved them. I am so happy for them and I wish that for each and every one of us.

Smileless That is quite telling that you and Mr.S were the only parents at the wedding. Do you know why your EDIL didn’t want her parents to attend the Florida wedding ceremony?

That’s really lovely, Rhinestone. I wonder if it is all this about the Coronavirus that promoted him to do that and not leave it any longer.

Wow, that's pretty amazing Rhinestone; 5 years is a long time to wait. They must have been thrilled.

She partly estranged them not long after the engagement and said she just didn't want them at the wedding.

That's lovely to hear Rhinestone

Hi Smileless
You are amazing in your ability to cope with so much and if it was me l don't think I would be able to or have the strength to deal with the on going hurt. The reason being is that l have been dealing with for years a most difficult in law problem ; my husband 's family. I am depleted as a result. Family estrangement is one of the saddest things of all. Your edil does not sound like a very pleasant person and you similarly to anyone else in a similar position must rue the day your son first met her.

You give solid advice Smileless and l admire that and in speaking of your own experience you also help others.

Leaving that aside there are worrying times ahead for all of us.

Take care from Dawn.

Thank you Dawn you're very kind.

"Family estrangement is one of the saddest things of all", yes it is because it's so painful and is never ending.

I hope everyone's doing OK.

Mr. S. and I went to our local family run Italian last night for a meal. They were packed out which didn't come as a surprise as they're well established. Perhaps people feel 'safer' eating out at an independent restaurant rather a chain.

It was Mr. S.'s first venture outside since coming home from hospital and did him good to go for a short walk (it's just up the road from where we live) and get some fresh air.

Take care everyone

Is everyone in the U.K. isolated for four months? I keep thinking if I were I’ll with the virus would my son or stepson care? I don’t know the reason my cousins child got in touch after five years.
Our restaurants and bars are closing at 3 now . It’s getting scary here.
Stay well everyone.

Try not to worry Rhinestone the fear is being driven by the media. Endless pictures of empty shelves in supermarkets. I popped into a local Tesco store, not a particularly large one and the only empty shelves were the ones for toilet rolls, kitchen rolls, tissues and pasta. Plenty of everything else.

If the shops had been sensible and limited the amount of the aforementioned there would be enough for everyone. I hope they do so when they get their next delivery of these items.

Some people's selfishness is sickening isn't it.

All our schools are closed until April 3. We have to keep six feet from others. The picture is of empty frozen food shelves.

Just heard that our ES was in the USA last weekend, and flying home sometime this week - if he can get a plane. He works for a large pharmaceutical company so I'm guessing his will be classed as essential travel. He's probably the lowest risk out of the family but of course it's hard not to worry, especially when it's not possible to check if they are ok.

As you've found out he's been to the USA and is due to fly home this week, hopefully you'll know when he's back safe and sound hugshelp; I hope so.

hugshelp ...It's the not knowing they are safe, and not being able to help them to stay safe, isn't it?

Have you heard from your son in Aussie Smileless? Sorry if I've missed the post explaining.

Pf ...Thinking of you and your husband

Rhinestone … It's madness everywhere isn't it? Thanks for writing about your cousins experience, even 2nd 3rd hand stories of resolution soothe my soul. I was glad for them.

I've taken the step of writing to my EAC.
I've no idea how this has gone down.
We were told never to contact them, so we haven't.

But under the circumstances how could I not?

I realise my intentions can and probably will be misconstrued

But I'm afraid I still love that little child with the giggle that I thought I knew.

We here, have a uniquely unhappy situation to navigate, and Coronavirus has made it just a little bit harder.

Love to all of you who walk this path.

Hi Namsnanny, we've sent a couple of messages and texts but no reponse{angry] he's a pain sometimes.

We are concerned as he's coming to the end of a years' teaching contract covering maternity leave, the last time we spoke he didn't know if it would be extended so he's been applying for other posts.

If he isn't able to get at least a one year contract he'll need to do supply again BUT if they close all the schools in Aus. there wont be anything available and without a contract in place, he wont be earning any money.

You'd think he'd realise we're worried but I guess not.

I can understand with the current situation you felt compelled to write to your EAC. As you say Coronavirus has made our estrangements "just a little bit harder".

He gets in touch with his sister spasmodically smileless but contact is on his terms so I don't know when I'll next hear, but fingers crossed he would let her know if he was ill. Hope you hear from your DS soon., x

.It's the not knowing they are safe, and not being able to help them to stay safe, isn't it? - yes that namsnanny I do hope you get a reply from your EAC. I've been wondering whether we should try but haven't decided what's best yet.

Very important question

Does anyone feel the need to reconcile or extend the hand with estranged relations simply because of the Covid 19 virus and it's potential to cause serious damage.

Gives estranged relatives more ammunition to say "they did not even contact me during the virus"

Just wondering. Thanks for your thoughts.
Dawn

Just wondering

Well hugshelp it's not an easy decision to make, given all the parameters and outcomes.

Smileless … one of mine is a little like that! He will call soon I'm sure.