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Estrangement

AEC thread. Feel free to chat or add helpful resources here.

(1001 Posts)
Starblaze Mon 25-Nov-19 22:22:20

A few I still need to work on a bit more here but I remember being this person and how unhappy I was.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/tech-support/201811/12-wrong-assumptions-unloved-daughter-makes-about-life?fbclid=IwAR2_mPcSuRMrJAtTuVEb8iWrHaCzJccxP_B0UQVAep-UMGOq1VXenp-nz8Y

Starblaze Thu 09-Jul-20 23:18:17

I don't think I always even notice it MoD left over from growing up with an emotionally abusive mother I suppose. No one could out do her, she's the one person who should have loved me the most. I won against her so, I can win against anyone.

Lately I've even been thinking, if someone can see us as damaged and not themselves as damaging.... Well, clearly we aren't the broken ones.

We are the champions

My friends

grin

HolyHannah Thu 09-Jul-20 23:28:12

MoD -- Outright mocking and put-downs... Calling EAC "little girls" that should 'go elsewhere' to post etc. Too many examples to quote but it's ALL the EAC...

We are the Champions... And hopefully Queen fans...

Motherofdragons Thu 09-Jul-20 23:35:19

We are the champions

My friends

I love this!

Queen fan here!

rosecarmel Fri 10-Jul-20 02:36:38

I'm not a champion but '39 is my absolute favorite!!!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=kE8kGMfXaFU

Motherofdragons Fri 10-Jul-20 09:22:33

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Starblaze Fri 10-Jul-20 09:29:25

If a comment is bullying it should not be deleted unless the person/people it mentions report it.

Otherwise it is just giving the bully free rein to say things then deny and get away with it later, which is exactly what happened when I reported a comment calling me damaged recently.

Seeing as we have also been given the option to quote by gransnet, quoting nasty comments should not be deleted either.

Gransnet is just making it easier to bully people.

Starblaze Fri 10-Jul-20 09:31:56

By deleting your comments MoD it looks like you said something awful when you didn't.

Its not on at all

NatashaGransnet (GNHQ) Fri 10-Jul-20 10:11:44

We're just popping on again as, sadly, the thread is still heading in the same direction, and at the moment the only purpose of it seems to be a personal disagreement between posters.

We only delete posts if they breach our guidelines or are not in the spirit of the site, and while we absolutely don't mind plain speaking or healthy debate, when a thread becomes more focused on a bun fight between users, rather than the topic of the OP, it detracts from the conversation completely, which doesn't help anyone.

As many of you already know, we are a post-moderated site, and so we rely on your reports to moderate the forums, so if you feel that a user has targeted or attacked you, please do report the post, and we will always take a look as soon as we can. And we also just want to point out that there is no favouritism on the site, and this applies to all users.

Please also remember that no matter how robust a poster may seem on the forums, we don't always know how they may be feeling or what they may be going through offline, particularly during these difficult times. flowers

Starblaze Fri 10-Jul-20 10:17:41

We are being targeted by the very function supposed to protect us.

Motherofdragons Fri 10-Jul-20 10:43:38

I am not sure how a conversation between estranged adult children can be considered a “bun fight” or detracting from the topic of a thread entitled “AEC thread. Feel free to chat or add helpful resources here”!

Starblaze Fri 10-Jul-20 11:09:05

It's gotten to the point that I cannot speak on the estrangement threads without being pulled up, deliberately misunderstood or outright attacked.

I just want what I have learned from my awful experiences to be of some help or support to others.

I am very careful to be as kind and inclusive as possible but that's so hard when I am constantly being forced to defend myself.

I know I'm not the only one.

Gransnet

Wood = trees

Motherofdragons Fri 10-Jul-20 11:11:43

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Motherofdragons Fri 10-Jul-20 11:20:33

So, 6 posts in total from me deleted, and 2 posts from other users deleted, in the space of 24 hours, because some posters indicated that their experience of interacting with Smileless was not a particularly positive or supportive one.

Motherofdragons Fri 10-Jul-20 11:21:40

What’s the point in even trying to address this when I know my comments are going to be deleted anyway.

rosecarmel Fri 10-Jul-20 11:23:54

It happens often, it isn't uncommon- It depends upon many things- If the site is private, they can choose to censor - It also depends upon the moderators mood and occasionally bias for one side of the discussion and member preference-

rosecarmel Fri 10-Jul-20 11:27:19

Also common, the stressing to address the post and not the person-

rosecarmel Fri 10-Jul-20 11:29:31

Example: Interacting with Karen is not particularly positive-

Example: Yet another comment with a negative tone-

rosecarmel Fri 10-Jul-20 11:30:57

And there's a report button-

Motherofdragons Fri 10-Jul-20 11:46:00

Ah, rosecaramel, your example makes a lot of sense!

Motherofdragons Fri 10-Jul-20 11:47:07

Perhaps in future I shall just post blank comments!

NatashaGransnet (GNHQ) Fri 10-Jul-20 12:52:04

Hi all,

We've posted multiple requests now to try and get the discussion back on track, rather than centred on personal remarks, and if this continues, we will have no choice but to pull this thread.

We'd hate to do this, especially as there are so many resources listed previously which users may find valuable, but if the thread continues in this vein, we will have to delete it.

We understand that this is an emotional topic for everyone, but Gransnet is an open forum where all are welcome to post on any thread (as long as guidelines are followed!)

Thanks for reading. flowers

Starblaze Fri 10-Jul-20 14:15:59

I've requested a supervisor look into this.

Agedp1953 Fri 10-Jul-20 14:20:33

I quite agree Starblaze, mabye a supervisor should look into this, but not from your perspective. No wonder nobody else is posting.

rosecarmel Fri 10-Jul-20 14:28:51

Motherofdragons

Perhaps in future I shall just post blank comments!

As a rule, moderators don't review/delete posts unless they are reported because there are too many contributions-

In other words, it's highly likely someone reported your posts-

Moderators usually don't delete threads unless members habitually attack each other personally instead of addressing what each other has said-

People seem to think that not using the report button supports free speech- It doesn't- Not on privately owned sites that have their own set of guidelines-

It's like fishing, when you let out line to tire the fish then reel it half way in and then let out more line again- Again and again- Until the fish tires of fighting-

It's a tactic that people use to get threads they disagree with deleted because they know that their conversational opponent refuses to use the report button- So they goad, and goad some more until there's been enough personal comments posted to delete the thread-

Starblaze Fri 10-Jul-20 14:28:58

Let's get back on track with a bit of an ironic post

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