Gransnet forums

Estrangement

AEC thread. Feel free to chat or add helpful resources here.

(1001 Posts)
Starblaze Mon 25-Nov-19 22:22:20

A few I still need to work on a bit more here but I remember being this person and how unhappy I was.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/tech-support/201811/12-wrong-assumptions-unloved-daughter-makes-about-life?fbclid=IwAR2_mPcSuRMrJAtTuVEb8iWrHaCzJccxP_B0UQVAep-UMGOq1VXenp-nz8Y

Summerlove Thu 09-Jul-20 12:30:04

Shoot, hit send too early.
I meant it’s not been my experience here.

It is of course usually the case “off line”

Summerlove Thu 09-Jul-20 12:29:00

Pantglas2

I don’t doubt that Smileless and I disagree on lots of things, Summerlove, and in real life I have long standing friends that I disagree with on the ‘biggies’ - politics, religion, football/rugby teams etc. Never been an issue.

I’m glad that has been your experience. It has not been mine.

Motherofdragons Thu 09-Jul-20 11:46:46

I know, I had ideals then that were silly

I laughed too hard at this!

Starblaze Thu 09-Jul-20 11:36:45

I know, I had ideals then that were silly lol

Hope gransnet listens to you

Motherofdragons Thu 09-Jul-20 11:30:55

We should be able to have a voice here at least though.

You would think right, but I don’t this it’s ever going to be tolerated Starblaze.

Motherofdragons Thu 09-Jul-20 11:23:24

It is getting worse around here now, everything you say can be twisted and used against you.

Or deleted.

We shouldn't have to defend our experience, childhood or thoughts on why estrangement happens. Especially as most of it is backed up by scientific research and evidence.

Our thoughts are dismissed anyway on the basis that we use “bad language” or that we are “damaged adult children” or that we “have an agenda” simply because we don’t believe that every single estranged parent on this board has done nothing to warrant their estrangement. I honestly believe the reactions to the idea that perhaps they should have a look at their own part in the estrangement is rather concerning.

Starblaze Thu 09-Jul-20 11:17:23

Don't forget I started this thread for EAC because I was being harassed every other thread. I wanted somewhere we could chat without getting pulled down but some estranged parents couldn't allow that. We should be able to have a voice here at least though

Motherofdragons Thu 09-Jul-20 11:11:16

Thanks Starblaze.

I wouldn’t usually let something like this bother me, but I’m actually shocked my comment, and Summerlove’s comment, were deleted.

I wish I‘d have known that comments could be reinstated and I would have asked for it to be done on the thread that I was basically forced off because certain posters began reporting every post of mine. Or at least I would have asked Gransnet to look into what was going on on that thread.

It is sad, but not surprising, that the reporting tool is being used in this way.

If posters are so concerned about offensive content on Gransnet, perhaps reporting the blatantly racist posts on the News and Politics board would be a good start.

Starblaze Thu 09-Jul-20 10:57:56

It is getting worse around here now, everything you say can be twisted and used against you.

We shouldn't have to defend our experience, childhood or thoughts on why estrangement happens. Especially as most of it is backed up by scientific research and evidence. But we are forced to because we need to be "bad" so others can appear "good".

Its not our fault if others recognise themselves in what we know to be abuse.

Starblaze Thu 09-Jul-20 10:45:28

There should be an option to reply attached to the email you get about it

Motherofdragons Thu 09-Jul-20 10:43:14

How do I go about having my comment reinstated Starblaze? Do I just contact GNHQ?

I never report comments. I didn’t report the comment about “damaged adult children” because I don’t believe in censorship to that extent. It is is quite scary, actually.

No poster is beyond reproach.

Starblaze Thu 09-Jul-20 10:36:29

I get reported unfairly a lot, I have had comments reinstated in the past

Motherofdragons Thu 09-Jul-20 09:54:56

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Chewbacca Thu 09-Jul-20 09:41:16

Nice to see you back Smileless hope your first trip out since lock down was a success?

Smileless2012 Thu 09-Jul-20 09:12:34

Thanks Pantglassmile.

Starblaze Thu 09-Jul-20 07:54:53

Quite happy to draw a line under it as usual. Always happy to have a polite chat with people willing to allow me my own thoughts on a subject and not twist my meaning beyond my ability to recognise it

Pantglas2 Thu 09-Jul-20 06:49:20

I don’t doubt that Smileless and I disagree on lots of things, Summerlove, and in real life I have long standing friends that I disagree with on the ‘biggies’ - politics, religion, football/rugby teams etc. Never been an issue.

HolyHannah Thu 09-Jul-20 06:20:59

Ironflower -- Most would think with all the Star Wars in my life We too would have one... The answer is no.

That said? As true nerds, our eldest is named after a character from a long running Sci-Fi show and middle name is an actor who played on the same program...

Ironflower Thu 09-Jul-20 05:35:41

HolyHannah -

Totally off topic here but two of my kids names were totally inspired by star wars. Hubby and I are such nerds. (First name for oldest, middle name for youngest boy).

Summerlove Thu 09-Jul-20 02:40:11

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Starblaze Wed 08-Jul-20 22:27:03

Tangents, we have them smile

Motherofdragons Wed 08-Jul-20 22:20:38

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Starblaze Wed 08-Jul-20 21:40:10

I actually remember my mum running after me shouting "but I want to tell you my opinion Star!“ when we were supposed to be enjoying our once a year" quality time" day out with her grandchildren. At the time I was trying to run to my daughter who was about to get too close to a swing. I had to rip my arm out of my mums grip. She didn't even notice. Just thought I was running away from her very important opinion.

She liked to start political arguments in the hopes that she could wind me up enough so I'd blow up and she could tell everyone how awful I was and I'd be so utterly horrified by my own anger that I'd think she was justified.

The last time she ever did it, I asked her if her opinion on politics was more important than me and how I felt, if it was more important than what was supposed to be a nice day with her grandchildren.

She said "of course it is Star its MY opinion"

I never in my life started a discussion with her about politics.

What was really funny about it all, was that we always voted for the same party lol

Pantglas2 Wed 08-Jul-20 21:28:36

Feeling, viewpoint, vista, emotion. .... I could go on Starblaze but it is yours, not mine, and certainly not fact. That doesn’t lessen its value in my view.

Starblaze Wed 08-Jul-20 21:21:37

Opinion is an interesting choice of word but OK

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