Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand.

Where has it been posted that EAC shouldn't be here? I understand that we can interpret posts differently, but a poster asking if a particular thread wouldn't be more appropriate on MN, isn't saying EAC shouldn't be on GN.

Where has it been posted that EAC are welcome, but shouldn't be posting what they're posting? I've said I don't like the number of links pertaining to the very worse of abusive parents' behaviour, and narcissistic mothers but I haven't said they shouldn't be posted here.

It was the perceived anger in HollyHannah's post that was referred too as frightening, not HollyHannah herself. Posters are often advised to seek help, and I didn't see that as being suggested unkindly by Missfoodlove.

Perhaps rather than simply referring to "2 posters on this thread" and "1 poster" it might be more helpful to refer to them by name, so those being referred too know who they are and can respond accordingly.

Isn't that obvious tho Smileless2012 ? Well I find it very confusing and hurtful x

Everyone here is hurting and grieving. Grief never gets smaller, you have to get bigger around it. We all know it goes through stages. Depression, anger, bargaining, denial and acceptance. Anyway, being understanding of where others are in the cycle I would let them talk through it as they wish. That's what support is for right? Which ever of the 5 stages people here are in and helping them work through them?

Well yes, it was obvious to me that I was one of the posters you were referring to Yennifer that said, I think it's far better if referring to a particular poster that you say who they are.

I'm finding this thread rather confusing myself and I'm sorry if you're finding it hurtful but TBH, I'm just not interpreting some of the posts in the way you are. I see disagreements yes, but not anyone saying EAC aren't wanted or welcome on GN.

I completely agree with your last post Yennifer.

Although for me bargaining and denial came before estranging, then anger, depression and acceptance after x

Maybe Yogagirls and Sparkling could clarify what they mean?

Look at the last paragraph of Yogagirls comment at 9:28. Who here is even doing that?

We never had the opportunity to bargain before we were estranged but yes I identify with the phases of denial, anger and depression before eventually reaching acceptance.

Looking back, we were probably saved a lot of heartache by not being given the opportunity to bargain, although it didn't feel that way at the time.

I think my bargaining was more trying to find ways to get on with each other. I wonder how now she can't see how hard I tried and thinks it was sudden and out of the blue... She must still be in denial lol It wasn't a fun stage anyway because you have to give up too much of yourself x

I can imagine Yennifer, which is why I can see why we were probably better off never being given the opportunity to bargain. No conversation, no reasons, just cut off.

No doubt we'd have been the same, "trying to find ways to get on with each other" and there's only so much of yourself you can give isn't there.

Undoubtedly, mistakes will be made in the name of making improvements- This exchange takes place one generation after the next-

Collectively humans seek out ways to alleviate pain, only to eventually discover an adopted solution is doing more damage than good- Some continue anyway, some make necessary adjustments- But even experts can't predict future outcomes either way-

When looking for "one thing" in any human being you'll likely find it, as well as in yourself- So, who then is in need of help?

Everyone-

Smileless it does..

I don't think I am one of the posters referred to .. but I hope my comments about links didn't suggest that posters should not post what they post as that truly isn't what I meant atall.

Much easier to focus on the good relationships. All the time I was in a relationship with my mother, I doubted all my other relationships. Most of them spent much more time with me than mother but I thought they would eventually see what she saw an I'd lose them. Now I know that it was her that was broken not me, I can relax and enjoy my other relationships if that makes sense x

Everyone here is hurting and grieving. Grief never gets smaller, you have to get bigger around it. We all know it goes through stages. Depression, anger, bargaining, denial and acceptance. Anyway, being understanding of where others are in the cycle I would let them talk through it as they wish. That's what support is for right? Which ever of the 5 stages people here are in and helping them work through them?

I agree Yennifer

Much easier to focus on the good relationships. All the time I was in a relationship with my mother, I doubted all my other relationships. Most of them spent much more time with me than mother but I thought they would eventually see what she saw an I'd lose them. Now I know that it was her that was broken not me, I can relax and enjoy my other relationships if that makes sense x

Yes! Its so common to gravitate towards those that don't accept us than those that do- Be it one person or group who trust and love you, they're truly gifts- And fun- Because it's beyond enjoyable to be with "your people" and be completely yourselves!

Very true rosecarmel.

So, "The anger in your posts is frightening."

Isn't it odd that when I match tone with the attitude that EP's show towards me, it sounds angry and bitter. So what Smileless said, not angry or bitter and when I say the SAME THING from the 'other perspective' it IS?

I also need someone to help me find "perspective"...

The thing is, I DID get help and the perspective I gained is how to spot abusive/dysfunctional thinking and not be triggered by abuse tactics.

Yennifer -- Isn't it interesting the mixed messages and double standards being employed by some on this thread? Such a "common theme" and a nice place to provide direct examples.

There was nothing angry or bitter in my posts HolyHannah to you or anyone else.

If you believe there are "mixed messages and double standards being employed by some on this thread" you should give specific examples and say which posters you're referring too.

As I posted earlier, that then gives those posters the opportunity to respond.

So far I've found often when I call out things people say by name they aren't responding but I'm patiently waiting x

It's hard to do that though as I'm not wanting to create bad feeling with anyone. Catch 22 x

Holyhannah, I am afraid I cannot understand your posts so can’t comment, I think there is a time in every situation when you have to accept what is and make the best of it, continuously rehashing and over thinking everything for ever is fruitless.

Well at least you give them the opportunity to respond Yennifer. I think we all find that from time to time.

Sparkling, I asked you to clarify what you said up there, don't blame me Smileless2012 said I should do it by name lol x