Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand.

Yennifer, it’s not you.
Please don’t take it to heart.

If you read something on the internet that doesn't relate to you and you feel compelled to argue about it, is the same as stepping in dog poop instead of walking around it. Don't complain about the smell.

And now it's really obvious I was right all along, no one is sorry for telling me it was all in my head (gaslighting). I've just said how it is and how I was feeling and look at the outcome. That's so stressful for me, it's like being back in the situation I walked away from. I've learnt a lesson though maybe x

I think I've been attacked and dismissed rosecarmel. I wish I'd never given any examples! Ive been told I'm welcome on the support thread but I won't go and risk accidentally saying the wrong thing and upsetting anybody! I don't want to upset anybody and I feel like I've done that just by defending myself x

Starblaze, frequently clearly marked threads that are intended for discussion of a specific subject deteriorate as soon as a poster offers a different view- It doesn't seem to matter much what the topic of discussion is, the matter seems to be that as soon as someone sees things differently they get attacked and dismissed-

sparklygrandma in a way there are. There is a support thread, and this one.

Both have different but equally important values.

I’m not sure if some posters think this is the long running support thread being hijacked, or if they didn’t see the other one.

Well, I seem to remember my clearly marked thread for EACs only attracting just as much attention and criticism from EPs Yogagirl so that point is moot. I'm tired of watching HolyHannah and Yennifer being unfairly harangued and attacked for the non existent crime of having had abusive parents and having the courage to talk about it, so may I suggest people stop doing it.

Rosecarmel your post of Sunday 16 February.

Thank-you for that post and you are right estrangement, disowning, gone and perhaps even dead. All those sorts of feelings and past happenings.

With the estrangement with my daughter it is like I have been moved into a different zone.
One day grand-children and then they have gone and never returned.
I know it is a horrible thought but it is like my daughter has buried me already and removed all traces from my grand-childrens lives. Almost being that I am still living in the present and yet happily buried by family.
Sorry if that sounds a bit deep sometimes I know what I am thinking but cannot write the thoughts so well.

I think that maybe here on GN there should be two Estrangement threads, one for Estranged Grans and Grandpas, and one for Estranged Adult Children?

We are never all going to agree, but trying to get support from the different sides of Estrangement is like barking up the wrong tree. Doomed possibly to failure and potentially more hurt.

Yoga ??

I don't know what to say to you Yogagirl. I've explained myself again and again. You are only hearing what you want to hear and being genuinely cruel to me and I still haven't inferred you are an abusive parent. I'm not your child, this isn't my fight x

I supposed it's because on MN you would be just one/two of hundreds on there, so would nothing 'special', where as on here

Smileless2012 Sun 16-Feb-20 08:57:18 - good post

I'm sick of hearing HolyHanna & Yannifer constant reference to 'Abusive parents' & survivors! just too much! Still can't fathom why they would seek out a GN site to post all this, especially drawing in the estranged GP with the title why you might still be estranged of this thread and then banging on and on about abusive parents, inferring that's us!

Chewbacca -- When Yennifer said you called out her writing style I believe she is referring to when you said, "Sticking a cutesy "x" at the end of a post doesn't detract from the fact that a post is meant to have a sting in it."

It wasn't said on this thread but it WAS said to her by you.

"Secondly, I have NEVER pointed out yours, or anyone else's typing habits." Yes. Yes you did.

You also said, "I don't like being accused of something I have never done and I would suggest you check who you're referring to before you make any further personal and derogatory accusations."

I would suggest you own up to your error and apologize to Yennifer. It was you who didn't recall what you actually said that started the conflict. Yennifer's "derogatory accusation" was truthful.

Yes, I guess the idea of estrangement, disowning, gone, separate and perhaps dead to someone or dead altogether is subjective, dependent upon the thoughts and feelings of people, valid feelings, but not necessarily real since they are dependent upon past happenings and not happening to them presently-

Just to join in your thoughts on "When E.A.C. die, are the people they estranged themselves from no longer estranged?
That is a good question.

I ask myself that but my question is When an Estranged Grand-mother dies will my Estranged Daughter even acknowledge I have gone"

One last thought I have had could it be possible that I am not estranged ? Perhaps a word I could use is that my daughter has dis-owned me.
I was walking through the market a few days ago and a teenager was having a proper argument with his mother, he loudly remarked Mother I B....Y well disown you and you are no mother of mine.
I did laugh and I know it is not funny but his choice of words were hilarious.

When EAC die, are the people they estranged themselves from no longer estranged?

That's a good question rosecarmel and one I've pondered over a time or two. In the unlikely event that there is an afterlife, I've wondered what a meeting with my mother would be like! Her denial that it ever happened probably, or that it was all my fault!

rosecarmel I don't think I've ever even used that label for myself outside of type. Sometimes people ask me things about myself and I say I don't have a relationship with my mother anymore. I've never ever been questioned or frowned at or had anything negative to me said about it in person. I've never felt like an estranged child out in the world. I don't know if I'm explaining myself right or answering your question properly. I just think that ECs or EPs aren't all of who we are x

When EAC die, are the people they estranged themselves from no longer estranged?

When the people that EAC estranged themselves from die, are they no longer EAC?

Thanks for pointing that out rosecarmel, I meant partner not parent.

You'll know when my posts are "having a go" yennifer. I'm done with you.

I've checked and it was you that pulled me up on it Chewbacca, you then started adding Xxx to your comments to me to take the piss. Need screenshots? 99% of your comments to me are having a go so I just don't know why you bother talking to me. Maybe we should avoid each other for the sake of it being a bad atmosphere x

www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-power-prime/201908/perception-is-not-reality

rosecarmel -- I watched the video and I assessed its value to EAC that come from abusive families. I found it to be unhelpful for many reasons. That is my opinion as an EAC.

Yogagirl -- So I am "locked into a mind-set of only seeing parents as abusive & not just the one's who have been estranged either." So my real belief and attitude of, only EP's that demonstrate dysfunctional behavior are estranged for a reason has become, I think ALL parents are abusive?

A "common theme" EAC face is perception becomes reality. Some perceive everything I say as anti-parent because I identify mainly as an EAC and AC that go No Contact are 'bad'/wrong. So everything I say is tainted by that view.

It's no different then an abusive home where your very existence is an annoyance so everything you DO is now 'annoying' and the Scapegoats understand that well.