Why are you asking my HolyHannah? It wasn't me who posted about this threads suitability or not to GN. I referred to the number of links about EP's and the content of those links.
I'm not disputing what you read Yennifer but as I said to you earlier, your interpretation that EAC are not welcome on GN is not how I interpreted those posts.
You have a valid point there Madgran.
Gransnet forums
Estrangement
Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand.
(1001 Posts)Today I have come across the same theme from EP/EGP's...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vjn-ymF_LGg
This copied from another site:
And they wonder why they're still estranged.
From EP Facebook page.
"I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S (EXPLETIVE) WHAT ADULT ESTRANGED CHILDREN ARE THINKING.
You heard me. That’s a pretty strong statement, and it comes with some pretty strong feelings. After scanning the estrangement pages this morning, I am just so overwhelmed with sadness and anger for parents of EC’s, I needed to say something, and I wanted to make sure everybody heard me... so I put it in all caps.
I come to these communities and what I see are parents of all shapes and sizes with broken hearts pouring their guts out... parents that would do anything to have their children back in their lives. These are not bad people or abusers. These are not battle-hardened narcissists that want their children to suffer as they have. These are good people bearing unimaginable pain and hoping that something... anything they say will open a door and bring their children home.
So, you heard me. I am not interested in understanding adult estranged children.
I “get” them just fine. I don’t care why they do what they do, and I don’t care how unbelievable their actions are. I am not interested in their side of the story, and I am not interested in making them feel better. They are adults, they are creating this situation and they have plenty of “Dump Your Family Now” pages to help them feel better about the choice they have made.
I don’t care what estranged adult children are thinking.
I don’t care if there is a reason for their actions in their mind or not. I don’t care if their behavior is erratic and difficult to understand, or just downright cruel. I don’t care if Mommy and Daddy were imperfect humans and I don’t care if they never got that pony they wanted growing up. When a parent loves, cares, and tries, this stuff is inexcusable.
What I AM interested in is saving lives.
Your lives.
Because this stuff nearly killed me... and make no mistake, it can kill you too. Whether it’s your literal death through suicide, heart problems or diabetes from stress and other diseases, or the figurative death of your soul through long, slow, endless agonizing self- doubt, make no mistake this stuff can kill you.
IF YOU LET IT.
I think most people that know my writings by now know that I am a pretty sensitive person. But I am also unbelievably strong. But I didn’t start out that way... I earned it. through tears, pain and hellfire, I earned it. But the funny thing about hellfire is that it “Tempers” you. It makes you harder and stronger... you go into it red hot, but when you are done pouring a bucket of tears on it, the steel that is left is stronger than ever before. If you haven’t already, you are going to need to learn that strength as well.
I have said it many times. I don’t want any parent to ever go through what I have been through... and still, most of you already have. I was too late. But there is still something I can do. I can say this... over and over until it helps someone...
We all get down and depressed about our children’s choice, but you can’t stay there. You can’t. The world needs you. Stop the questions. You know the ones. We all miss our children. But your job was to raise them... not to die for them. That’s a futile sacrifice that will fall on deaf ears... and frankly, I believe it’s an affront to God to throw away your life... the beautiful gift that has been given you. Stop wasting it pining away for someone that couldn’t care less if you live or die.
I don’t care what estranged adult children are thinking.
BECAUSE ESTRANGEMENT IS ABOUT POWER. You may not understand why your child has chosen to do this. Their reasons may make no sense at all. That’s common, and it’s the most painful part. But you better understand this, and learn it quickly. Estrangement is about one thing. It’s about power and control... and you have two choices: You can either watch your life slip away mired down in those swirling thoughts... Why? What happened? Do they love me? Why won’t they love me? Can you believe this? Well... have you ever seen what happens to toilet water once it gets done swirling around in the bowl?
Or, you can reclaim your power, your life, and your place in this world by saying “Enough kid, I love you, but I have paid enough”.
Who is the parent in this relationship anyway?..."
And another quote from an EP/EGP, "Also, I, for one, cannot find it in myself to proffer a comforting bosom to any wayward daughters/daughters-in-law. However much they regard themselves to be not in the least little bit wayward.
I will always be on the side of their mums/mils's."
How many demonstrations/examples/truths must be cited before My/Our reality is seen?
I must be going mad then x
No, you're not going mad Yennifer we've interpreted the posts differently that's all.
Well the people who are either holding an apple or a banana have ignored all requests to clarify and I still see an apple x
Madgran77 people were agreeing with the text in the OP x
I'm not sure I understand your point Yennifer?
As I understood it HolyHannah was asking why people have said that this particular thread would be more suited to Mumsnet..I was wondering if the title was read by them as provocative to all EPs/EGPs so maybe that is why they thought it should be on Mumsnet! I think that might link to not thinking about our earlier point about EACs can be different generations and ages, as can EPs/EGPs
Anyway just a suggestion, my musings as usual.
Forget the apples and oranges. If it walks,quacks and looks like a duck, then it's a duck.
Forget the apples and oranges. If it walks,quacks and looks like a duck, then it's a duck.
Fascinating.
Smileless, she asked you, because you were defending the posts, sure that’s they were interpreted incorrectly.
If you’re now unsure on interpretation, or feel that they can be interpreted differently, maybe such a forceful denial of how they were meant shouldn’t have been made.
Madgran, I was just meaning that no one took the title the wrong way at first, but then things got a bit iffy later. I did get what you meant though x
How ducking rude lol x
madgran, it’s possible those posters missed those posts I suppose, but I think that might be a generous view.
From what I gather on here, the posters are just regular mothers estranged from their children and grandchildren who dont see them. However, this does not mean they are anything remotely like that paranoid grandma in the You Tube that OP posted. People, good people, can sometimes say the wrong thing or make a comment taken out of context, then find it impossible to put things right. They need support because it's very cruel, when you have done your best and love your family to be ignored and left out as if you never mattered. They are people that have been estranged, not estranged themselves however valid that reason is. Just a liitle place where others share that pain, can see that it's not just them, they are not alone and with that support move forward.
Sparkling are you saying EC / AEC should not be here? Yes or no? x
I see nothing in them that even suggests that EAC aren't welcome Summerlove. As I've said on several occasions, the posts are referring to this particular thread.
In the absence of seeing 'I don't think EAC should be here on GN' or something similar, I can't see why anyone would accuse either poster of telling EAC they shouldn't be here.
Sparkling Excellent post & spot on xxx
I think refusing to answer is a very clear message and I don't know why you are defending it Smileless2012!
Comments have made me feel a certain way, Sparkling and Yogagirl refuse to clarify and its all gaslighting Smileless2012! You need to look it up x
If Sparkling or Yogagirl says after days of this silliness "of course it wasn't meant like that Yennifer, of course you HolyHannah and all ECs are welcome here, why would you think otherwise" I will definitely die laughing lol
Actual example
Yenn "mum im really upset that you seem to think I took your watch, can we talk about it?“
Mum ignores me for 2 days
Yenn "Mum, I know you have seen my message, why aren't you answering the phone? Can we please talk?“
Mum" for goodness sake Yenn, all I said was it was on the table on the morning you came round and then it went missing and I can't find it"
Yenn "do you think I took it?"
Mum ignores me for 2 days
Mum "What time are you coming tomorrow? “
Yenn "Mum can you please answer the question?"
Mum "What question“
Yenn "do you think I took your watch?“
Mum "I didn't say that"
Yenn "I'm asking you"
Mum "it was there the morning you visited and then it was gone before you left, that's all I'm saying"
Yenn "mum I'm not coming tomorrow this is really upsetting, if you noticed it was gone, maybe you should have checked my bag before I left"
Mum "yes I should have"
Yenn "so you do think I took it?"
Mum ignores me for 3 days
Mum "are you coming this Sunday? I've bought your favourite pudding. Oh by the way, I found my watch in my jacket pocket, aren't I silly?“
Look Yennifer I'm getting fed up with this. I Have not defended anyone for not answering direct questions or failing to clarify something they've posted. I haven't made any comment on that whatsoever.
It impossible to have a sensible conversation when you're being accused of doing things that you're not doing. All I have done is commented on the assumption that earlier posts were telling EAC they're not welcome or wanted here on GN.
I do not agree that that is what they were doing; I am not a mind reader and can only offer my own opinion which I've done several times and I wont be doing so again.
You should continue to direct any issues you have with Yogagirl and Sparkling to them. If they refuse to engage with you that is not my responsibility.
You got yourself in a pickle Smileless by keep answering for them to myself an others, I've only been honest about how that makes me feel but happy to leave it there x
I didn't read Smileless's posts as answering for the posters, more giving her own opinion on what she thought was meant by other posters and about assumptions that she thought others were making.
I am glad if the discussion can move on now as it seems to be going around in circles
I don't agree that I've got myself "in a pickle". The "pickle" is due to you and others accusing me of saying and doing things I haven't said or done. Expecting me to be a mind reader and not respecting my right to give my opinion without jumping all over me, even though you are free to give yours.
Like you, I am being honest about how the aforementioned makes me feel and I agree that we should leave it there.
Thank you Madgran
It's fine, I'm not having a go at anyone, just trying to show a different perspective and explain myself. What did you think of that text exchange with my mother ladies? It's a great example of gaslighting x
This discussion thread has reached a 1000 message limit, and so cannot accept new messages.
Start a new discussion
