Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand.

@Mollymalone6 you said it so much better!

FF ? we did it x

❤️

I apologise for misinterpreting your post FlyingFree.

Having not watched the video I can't comment on that, my posts have been in reference to what was written in the OP and in that context, I thought your post made some interesting and valid points rosecarmel.

That's okay ❤️

Thank you FlyingFree (sorry can only do GN's emoji's and there isn't a heart).

I haven't watched the video. I do wonder with estrangement, regardless of who is the estranger. Is it a case of the longer it goes on the harder it is to put right. The longer it goes on the longer you are suffering and to then 'make up', is just so difficult because you would need to accept that the suffering you have endured has been for nothing? As the old saying goes 'If you fall off your horse the sooner you get back on the better'. Or is it a case of you both need and want the estrangement to be over as much as each other and until you both do the estrangement will stand?

My horse was a bit of a biter and a kicker, then it threw me off and ran away! I still like horses tho x

FlyingFree That is lovely! Life sure isn't always easy is it. Bless you for carrying on smiling!!

I think it's both loveOc. I do think that the longer the estrangement goes on for, the harder it is to try and bring about change.

Maybe sometimes for the estranger they feel they have let it go on for long that it's too late to do anything about it. For the one estranged, the longer it goes on the more they feel things will never change and just think there's no point in reaching out.

That doesn't apply when the estrangement is the result of abuse but when abuse isn't a factor I think in many cases it does.

It's lovely to see such a positive outlook on life from someone who had such a difficult beginning FlyingFree.

I do so agree Smileless. I could be totally wrong but I do think it has somehow become 'fashionable' to the younger generation to 'get rid' of anything and anyone who they 'think at the time' they do not like?

Not in the case of genuine abuse though!

Think we have to take all the stories individually! Not sure it's a new handbag type of thing we just see it more now we are all connected by the interwebs or maybe people just always moved far away and kept the relationship distant before x

You have made a valid point there. Is it because so many relationships are only kept going by the web, txt, whatsapp etc. Whereas it used to be mostly face to face, telephone and maybe letter writing. These forms of contact are far more real and take time and effort and possibly require more care?

I can see how a difficult relationship could be easier to sustain if there's some geographical distance between those involved. Less tension when the majority of contact is more impersonal via the web, texting etc.

Hmmm not sure for everyone cos my mum was always lovely in text! Made it all very confusing to get nice texts after she was mean or to get a nice text asking me to call her so she could be mean! Didn't want to leave evidence of meanness I suppose x

I was going to give examples until I remembered best not to! Mum is a very accomplished Internet stalker and has found me in a few supportive places. Won't look here though! x

I hope she doesn't FlyingFree and you can be left in peace to share with us here.

That would be so amazing! Don't you think it's very odd that she doesn't know why I have estranged but she can Google my stories and find me that way! x

She must know, how else would she know what to look for FlyingFree? She must be looking for posts that talk about your childhood experiences.

GN seems like a safe bet. You're not yet a GM so perhaps this is the last place she'd look. I certainly hope so.

www.quora.com/My-adult-daughter-stood-by-me-calling-me-a-bitch-I-saw-red-and-slapped-her-I-apologized-begging-her-forgiveness-She-claims-she-did-nothing-wrong-trying-to-turn-siblings-against-me-this-over-being-asked-to-help-with-dishes-What-should-I-do

What is truly shocking here is in the replies. We hear over and over again that abusive parents are rare... Or that EAC over-react or blow out of proportion the attitude of many parents (estranged or not).

"She no longer deserves the right to life. Being an object and a woman, she should obey all your commands. Just like in my home. The usual punishment for insubordination is death. I prefer burrying alive. Also, you do not need to apologise to objects. You just need to hit her harder next time or take her life. I do not see problem here?" being the most extreme reply.

Then there was the usual garden variety, "Clearly you should have hit her MORE when she was younger" types...

The usual, "You are the parent and she should respect you regardless!" In other words, IF 'mom' was actually acting like a 'B' before being called so? (for example -- daughter was REacting to something 'mom' said/did first is NOT lashing out 'for no reason') Then 'mom' slapping daughter is also a reaction from hearing something SHE (mom) didn't want to hear. The truth. "Mom... You're being/are a witch." Mom -- slap

For Me, now that I've been through recovery, when someone says something about me or judges/labels Me as something/someone I know I am not? I get sad. I have learned that most of the time people only get angry at a label if it is a negative one, like toxic/abusive/Narc and 'it' (the label) has more truth then fiction to the person/parent receiving the message.

We all get sad and also angry if we're judged unfairly, labelled incorrectly and seen as someone we're not.

Unless we know the person who reacts to being on receiving end of a negative label, only then do we know if that label has more truth than fiction to that person's true nature.

Yes the replies are shocking but they are also hardly run of the mill! They are extreme! I am not entirely sure what the point is that you are trying to make?

This is really bizarre. My mother would never ever admit to any of this. I wonder how bad it really was for their children with mums willing to admit that much? My mother would have everyone convinced she was wonderful and had never put a toe out of line.

I've been called a narcissist before. It was an adult child of a narcissist in a group I admin. Her post broke the rules and was removed. I didn't get angry, I got scared. It took me a while to get over that one. I didn't even set the rules. Sometimes I wonder if only narcissists are 100% sure they aren't narcissists ?