Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand.

That's terrible Chewbacca, your poor friend. She'll be heartbroken.

Does she know what 'not having as much to do with her GS' means; how often she will see him, if at all?

It is good that your D is asking for, and receiving some support 3nanny but it must be very hurtful and upsetting that she's not asking you.

What have I done wrong? I'm a strong person and I can handle the book. What was I supposed to say or do? I don't get it? I'm not going to run back to mother and say everything was OK because at least she wasn't THIS abusive? Abuse is abuse and that's what was on my mind reading it. I was luckier than some but I still spent my whole childhood and most of my adult life thinking I was bad and I didn't deserve a loving mum. Thinking I was ugly and a nasty little girl no one would love because that's what she told me. She said I was the ugliest baby she ever saw and she thought she took home the wrong one from hospital. I didn't walk till I was 2 and a half. I remember her stamping on my hand and hitting me so hard I couldn't breathe and because all that stopped when she stopped being a single mother, and because she denies saying things or doing things it didn't happen? Because I have no proof accept scars that could have happened other ways? I had to watch my siblings {except the one who wants nothing to do with any of us) treated like royalty while I was treated like dirt. I'm so sorry you are in pain but I'm not your child, I haven't taken away your grandchildren and this post is about abused children x

I’ve read the thread.

I’ve read the comments.

I stand by what I said. I understand you have your own pain, but I don’t understand the need to “shout“ at another poster about their opinion. Telling her not to then read the book or go on about it, is shutting down her talking points in the conversation.

Summerlove ; you have your own valid opinion Have a good evening whatever you may do.

That book was upsetting but not as upsetting as the people here who have said I should "jog on" "go to mumsnet" or laughed at me here and other threads going on and on about carrots like my childhood is hilarious. Or as upsetting a people here who have stood by while that happened or tried to tell me it wasn't happening. I've never looked at anyone here as my mum. I see women my age and older who have had hard times, sometimes I give advice from an EC standpoint because it might be helpful to them to know what is thought in EC circles but that's not ever ever a judgment. All my comments on this thread are about abusive parents and not ever about parents I have seen speak here, sometimes other places that are very unhealthy that even EP here have said they left. I enjoy gransnet and I have never had any issues on other topics at all. I don't really care what anyone thinks of me after ranting today either. I'm quite happy to be responsible for what I say on the Internet, when I'm dong I'm wrong but not this time x

Thank you to all the lovely ladies who have seen it and not stood for it x x

Yennifer ; please can I ask you a question I read a post on GNs it was a post from Flysolo posted 7th February. 2020

The title of the post was as follows;

Can it be too late to have a relationship with a Grand-child?

On that thread you made two posts;

1st Post by Yennifer My children see there grand-father twice a year and they totally adore each other. (there was more but I am not writing it all)

Second Post by Yennifer; They saw their maternal grand-mother weekly and she never built a relationship with them.
She was not loving to me and I was unhappy around her.

I am asking you about these posts because on some threads you seem to say that you made sure that your mother went no where near your children because of her abuse to you, and yet in your own post and as written you spoke of the maternal grand-mother. I wish to ask you did you estrange from your mother before you had your children and if your childhood with your mother was so abusive then why on earth would you want to try and let them have a relationship with her at all?
Sometimes Yennifer your posts do not make sense to me, all I know is that the post in regard of the estrangement with my daughter have all contained truthful comments from myself and I do not chop and change my themes.

Also Yennifer in your post on this thread at 17.18 you ended the sentence that this post is about abused children.
If in fact like you said in the post I have asked the question about and you did introduce and take your own children to have some kind of a relationship with your own mother then maybe you are guilty of child abuse yourself as it would seem to me you were not taking steps to stop the continuous cycle of abuse your mother had started as if I had been a victim of childhood abuse ther is no way my children would ever go near any family that perpetuated that.

No you don't understand, I estranged a few years ago now. I normalised my childhood and I wanted to believe her when she was telling me things didn't happen the way I remembered. I was so busy trying to change me and be worthy of love that I didn't understand the problem was her. As an adult it wasn't the same as childhood, it was constant putdowns and little digs and stirring up problems. You can't underestimate an abusers power over you, or the guilt I felt at not having a good relationship with her and thinking I could make it better. The distance between me and that relationship is still small and part of me still wants to defend her. Part of me is still fighting to be heard and understood. I've only been off antidepressants a couple of years after my entire adult life. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. I didn't even pity myself or cry for myself until counselling. I didn't even tell my husband most of it scared it would make everything worse with her. I dont have a better explanation than that. It's possible to gaslight yourself when you grew up taught to doubt your own reality. I haven't said anywhere that my children went nowhere near my mother, they were part of and happy with my decision to estrange x

3nanny6 I've broken the cycle, I did it as soon as I was able to. It doesn't matter if it is good enough for you, that's between me and my children

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHCA85ZAED8

With narcissists, what you see is not what you get. Psychotherapist, Dr. Les Carter explains how their commitment to an alternate reality guides their priorities, and more importantly, how it can impact your life.

For those of you with standoffish daughters inlaws, something to think of that you might find soothing .. how they might feel being with your sons ..

m.youtube.com/watch?v=qwIljfQrZyE

Yennifer, you have said you have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, it is upsetting reading your posts going over and over your abuse. the grandparents on here and not seeing their families are not abusers, they just want support.

Sparking ? well said, thank you.

Heart all working fine except the bits that have been cauterised. All I have to show for it is a sore leg. Hating the bed rest.

Yennifer there are some very obvious miserable old bullies on this post who just don't understand why their children want nothing to do with them. I only have to read their comments to know exactly why. Listen to their children and have nothing to do with them too. Enjoy your children and future grandchildren and don't let their jealousy that they couldn't break the cycle get you down.

Sparkling et al I would suggest you go to the support thread instead of trying to take this one away from those who genuinely need it.

Extremely good post Sparkling, I fully agree with you.

SparklyGrandma you have also posted well said. So it seems it is not just me that find some of Yennifers posts upsetting to keep reading.

?Sparkling

Star blaze ; I assume you are now labelling me a miserable old bully. I certainly am getting older and I try my best not to live a miserable life. as for a bully that I am not.

I feel no jealousy for Yennifer and actually I had no cycle to break My own grand-mother was a kind and humble woman and my own mother was one of the best any-one could ever have. The fact my daughter estranged herself from me is the only time within the family that something like that has been done. Why haven't my other children estranged from me? none of them were favoured or treated differently they all had the same and were given the same.

Star blaze at the start of your post you mentioned medical things and it sounds like you have a heart problem disregarding what you have posted I wish you well in your recovery health is most important without it we have nothing.

Yennifer your post at 18.29 You say you have broken the cycle,
and it doesn't matter if that is good enough for me and that is only between you and your children. (actually do you mean if that is not good enough for me?) Anyway whatever it's your family and your children and she was your mother. I really cannot comment much more but one reply you always make is do not blame me I was not your child.
I will make that comment to you. Do not blame me I was not your abusive mother.
One last thing I also have an anxiety disorder brought on by all the trauma from my daughter and everyday I work hard overcoming it but do not send me any pity because I do not want it.

I'm impressed by the long term memories of people. I can't remember anything that happened to me at 2 and a half.

Caps can be used to signify shouting or placing emphasis on certain words and thoughts - They're often used in an effort to draw attention in an effort to be understood-

If all caps represent is screaming, anger or aggression, perhaps that's why what's being said by some isn't being taken seriously?

3 yrs old- My earliest memories-