Yes, the irony Chewbacca
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Gransnet forums
Estrangement
Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand.
(1001 Posts)Today I have come across the same theme from EP/EGP's...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vjn-ymF_LGg
This copied from another site:
And they wonder why they're still estranged.
From EP Facebook page.
"I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S (EXPLETIVE) WHAT ADULT ESTRANGED CHILDREN ARE THINKING.
You heard me. That’s a pretty strong statement, and it comes with some pretty strong feelings. After scanning the estrangement pages this morning, I am just so overwhelmed with sadness and anger for parents of EC’s, I needed to say something, and I wanted to make sure everybody heard me... so I put it in all caps.
I come to these communities and what I see are parents of all shapes and sizes with broken hearts pouring their guts out... parents that would do anything to have their children back in their lives. These are not bad people or abusers. These are not battle-hardened narcissists that want their children to suffer as they have. These are good people bearing unimaginable pain and hoping that something... anything they say will open a door and bring their children home.
So, you heard me. I am not interested in understanding adult estranged children.
I “get” them just fine. I don’t care why they do what they do, and I don’t care how unbelievable their actions are. I am not interested in their side of the story, and I am not interested in making them feel better. They are adults, they are creating this situation and they have plenty of “Dump Your Family Now” pages to help them feel better about the choice they have made.
I don’t care what estranged adult children are thinking.
I don’t care if there is a reason for their actions in their mind or not. I don’t care if their behavior is erratic and difficult to understand, or just downright cruel. I don’t care if Mommy and Daddy were imperfect humans and I don’t care if they never got that pony they wanted growing up. When a parent loves, cares, and tries, this stuff is inexcusable.
What I AM interested in is saving lives.
Your lives.
Because this stuff nearly killed me... and make no mistake, it can kill you too. Whether it’s your literal death through suicide, heart problems or diabetes from stress and other diseases, or the figurative death of your soul through long, slow, endless agonizing self- doubt, make no mistake this stuff can kill you.
IF YOU LET IT.
I think most people that know my writings by now know that I am a pretty sensitive person. But I am also unbelievably strong. But I didn’t start out that way... I earned it. through tears, pain and hellfire, I earned it. But the funny thing about hellfire is that it “Tempers” you. It makes you harder and stronger... you go into it red hot, but when you are done pouring a bucket of tears on it, the steel that is left is stronger than ever before. If you haven’t already, you are going to need to learn that strength as well.
I have said it many times. I don’t want any parent to ever go through what I have been through... and still, most of you already have. I was too late. But there is still something I can do. I can say this... over and over until it helps someone...
We all get down and depressed about our children’s choice, but you can’t stay there. You can’t. The world needs you. Stop the questions. You know the ones. We all miss our children. But your job was to raise them... not to die for them. That’s a futile sacrifice that will fall on deaf ears... and frankly, I believe it’s an affront to God to throw away your life... the beautiful gift that has been given you. Stop wasting it pining away for someone that couldn’t care less if you live or die.
I don’t care what estranged adult children are thinking.
BECAUSE ESTRANGEMENT IS ABOUT POWER. You may not understand why your child has chosen to do this. Their reasons may make no sense at all. That’s common, and it’s the most painful part. But you better understand this, and learn it quickly. Estrangement is about one thing. It’s about power and control... and you have two choices: You can either watch your life slip away mired down in those swirling thoughts... Why? What happened? Do they love me? Why won’t they love me? Can you believe this? Well... have you ever seen what happens to toilet water once it gets done swirling around in the bowl?
Or, you can reclaim your power, your life, and your place in this world by saying “Enough kid, I love you, but I have paid enough”.
Who is the parent in this relationship anyway?..."
And another quote from an EP/EGP, "Also, I, for one, cannot find it in myself to proffer a comforting bosom to any wayward daughters/daughters-in-law. However much they regard themselves to be not in the least little bit wayward.
I will always be on the side of their mums/mils's."
How many demonstrations/examples/truths must be cited before My/Our reality is seen?
Or the amount of times I have seen "these selfish/entitled/wrong/bad estranged children" wih no clarity they don't mean all estranged children.
Never pulled up by Smileless2012 et al
"There is no excuse for estrangement except murder" I've actually seen that posted here.
Never pulled up by Smileless2012 et al
The same people who say they would ALWAYS pull that up do not. In fact, they minimise it or tell those who get upset they shouldn't be upset.
Then they do not accept any explanation to what has been/is meant by a post because otherwise they might have to feel guilty for their own behaviour. Absolutely disgusting.
What I would like is to see examples of some of the accusations being made here. I mean if you're going to quote what another poster has said, then say where and when it was posted.
Without getting into provocative quotes I have seen highly inappropriate, unpleasant and thoroughly nasty posts by posters who are EPs, EACs and EGPs to each other . I find such comments unhelpful, unpleasant and bullying, whoever is making them. I have in the past, but not recently, had some extremely inappropriate and nasty comments made to me and about me both by EPs and EACs. However I view that as the posters problem, not representing all EPs or all EACs. I am not suggesting that you Starblaze are labelling all EPs , just describing my own particular approach/view.
I do still believe that the word "some" when talking about any estranged group, would at least help to avoid the endless pointing out that not ALL members of any particular group are the same
Oh yes Holyhannah laughing on this thread instead of acknowledging how disgusting it is to tell someone to kill themselves. Good job I am not vulnerable really.
Starblaze -- There is no need for EP's to distinguish between EAC not all being 'bad' because we are. If we have done what was 'unjustly' done to them, then we must be as 'horrible' as their own vile spawn.
Smileless -- I did just that when Chewbacca attacked Yennifer and it was completely ignored. So what is the point in copying and showing where these things have been said?
Of course Madgran77 but we should also accept that when a poster has said SEVERAL TIMES that they are speaking about abusive parents, they are telling the truth. The only reason not to accept that is to have an excuse to be unpleasant to them.
I agree Madgran which is why I make a point of using the word some. Some of the generalisations on this thread are ridiculous.
I must have missed the post where someone was laughing at the suggestion that someone kill themselves; where was it?
A reminder that previous threads have had to be deleted because the discussion descended into name-calling and personal attacks and this is heading the same way. As ever, we don't ask that everyone agrees with each other, but we do ask that differences of opinion are posted with respect for others and without breaking guidelines.
Holyhannah oh I know and it's all very very obvious to those who are not abusers.
My favourite is the apparent AEC who likes to say "I am an AEC and I don't agree with you so you must be wrong/bad
Who is this apparent EAC Starblaze ? Are they here now?
Exactly who has said I don't agree with you so you must be wrong? I'd like to read back on those posts, where are they please so that we can all see it?
And now the bullies want this taken down by gransnet because all the proof that they have bullied a vulnerable member here is on it CariGransnet.
I will leave the thread now to avoid that.
I was being accused too. No Starblaze, you weren't. I remember it quite clearly, it was only Smileless and me that were accused of being sockpuppets. I also remember that GNHQ issued a statement verifying that both Smileless and I are 2 individual posters of long standing. You were not accused at all. Or does that not fit in with your narrative/scapegoating exploits?
It should also be accepted when a poster has said numerous times that they have not been estranged because they are abusive, that they are telling the truth but the assumptions and veiled accusations continue all the same
The point HolyHannah is that you prove what you are saying another poster has said. Who has laughed, put he he he, lol or a to a post suggesting someone kill themselves?
Yes it was you and me Chewbacca, and Starblaze derided the quote I put on from GNHQ saying that we weren't one in the same, that we'd both been members of GN for some time and they knew who we were.
As you said a few days ago, convenient amnesia.
I wouldn't mind that apology, think I'm owed a few now! Be nice of we could move on now really. This isn't going to fix any issues we have with our own families x
Smileless -- You would have to ask Starblaze that. She was the one talking about that. I was talking about when I stood up for Yennifer. I found the quotes and I copied them and no one said a word. So even when proof is provided, it is ignored. So why bother?
As for the other questions you asked? If I answer with the truth it would not work out well.
I do appreciate that others have stood up for me, not just ECs either it's important to say x
Of course Madgran77 but we should also accept that when a poster has said SEVERAL TIMES that they are speaking about abusive parents, they are telling the truth. The only reason not to accept that is to have an excuse to be unpleasant to them.
I agree that posters should be believed. I think that is a slightly different point to the one I was making though. Yes Holy Hannah has said several times that she is referring to abusive parents. But the title doesn't specifically say that. And as people read new posts, with new and often challenging links, the word "some" in commentary would act as a reminder for everyone. When posters point out that not all EPs/EACs are like those in a specific link or like those referred to in a commentary, I am not convinced that is about "not believing"! If someone is a member of a group, in a painful situation, they may well need to remind that what has been seen/said does not apply to all members of that group. They may well need to keep saying it. Just as others may need to keep finding validation for their experiences/decisions to help them in recovery.
I hope the thread can get back on track .
I found the quotes and I copied them and no one said a word. So even when proof is provided, it is ignored. So why bother?
As I said previously up thread, not commenting MAY be because the point has been made clearly or to avoid derailing a thread or because it is felt that the poster is quite capable of addressing the issue for themselves. It is not necessarily just conveniently ignoring.
I don't think thread titles can be changed can they? Will look at one of mine x
No they cant but I did figure out I can make the annoying advert go away lol x
Madgran77 that was to do with Chewbacca taking the mickey out of my typing style and later denying it. Chewbacca won't apologise because they don't care or feel sorry and I've never been interested in apologies anyway, it's changed behaviour I think is best. Since Chewbacca still adds Xx to some of their comments to me I don't think they are fussed much and neither am I x
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