Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand.

Starblaze -- You forgot being told what a "nasty bitter waste of space sort of person must you be".

Lets not forget that Holyhannah hasn't quite phrased the title of a thread "right" and therefor must be wrong/bad. Nothing wrong or unjust about that? Estranged children musn't ever type here without totally being inclusive of and absolving completely estranged parents here or be jumped all over. Yet a clearly vulnerable poster can be bullied and it is ABSOLUTELY FINE for 3nanny6 to tell me to go for a walk in the middle of a motorway or kill myself basically.

Those balances of acceptable behaviour for estranged parents versus estranged children are slightly out of kilter are they not?

I didnt realise you were referring to specific posters not responding.

Madgran77 in normal circumstances I would agree however, posters who said they absolutely WOULD and DO ALWAYS do that have not done so. Even when they are the first to jump up and down if it happens in reverse. So it is double standards.

No one pulled her up on it.

Sometimes posters choose not to comment because they dont want to provoke unpleasant derailing of a thread or because they think that a poster is quite able to deal with the comment for themselves.

The thread is about whatever Holyhannah says it is about. Yennifer has simply listened to that explanation so again, why pick on and quote Yennifer at all?

Come on, do try harder or I shall get bored.

Now now Chewy, lets be real here. It wasn't me who accused you was it? it was Whatever their name was. I just laughed because it was all ridiculous. I was being accused too remember? Or does that not suit your narrative/scapegoating exploits?

As far as Im concerned this post is about abusive parents like mine

No it's not. If you go back and read the title it's Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand

And as for I was even accused of BEING other posters. Oh! The irony of that statement! conveniently forgetting that Smileless and I were accused of being one and the same poster

Starblaze -- A lot of EP's use a distorted sense of what 'support' is. Support to abusers is validating their poor behavior to make them feel better/absolve themselves as being the issue in the breakdown of the relationship. True support is looking at a situation objectively and saying, "I can understand why what you did pissed your child (or whoever) off. I'd be annoyed myself. Perhaps you should apologize and now that you understand that behavior causes conflict you won't do that again."

Hearing that and understanding your action created a bad reaction and that you need to take responsibility for it in order to 'fix' the situation, is impossible for dysfunctional thinkers. Dysfunctional thinkers never seen ANY 'wrong' in their actions so therefore if there is conflict? They didn't cause it or even contribute to it.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LOL Yennifer you are kinder and more thoughtful than some here deserve. I completely understand you not responding to me and I don't expect you too, it would just bring more animosity your way.

I too once came here looking for support and friendship. What I found was a big argument that I wasn't involved in that I was made scapegoat for by other posters. I was even accused of BEING other posters. I was not the first and you won't be the last Yennifer. This plays out over and over. My favourite is the apparent AEC who likes to say "I am an AEC and I don't agree with you so you must be wrong/bad" as if all estranged children are even nice people lol OF COURSE THEY AREN'T.

Holyhannah you, I and other estranged children on this post have explained again and again that it is about abusive parents. It's your post giving you the authority to know.

Apart from the fact that some posters do not like posts that aren't about them and have to make it about them too, the truth is that anyone defending an abusive parent must be one. Why else come to this post and say anything but "hear hear! Abusive people are awful and do horrible damage to their children's poor developing minds, then continue to ruin their lives as adults, its terrible!!!"

I've been reading many posts here, and on the support thread I clearly see you Holyhannah saying something and Yogagirl posting how sick and awful she felt at seeing you there where estranged children are welcome? No one pulled her up on it.

Absolute double standards, scapegoating and gaslighting that goes on on these posts. Estranged children are repeatedly driven away. Why? Because I expect there are estranged parents here who recognise themselves when estranged children talk about their own parents. So an estranged child who has done nothing wrong must be proven as bad, lying, exaggerating or generally crazy so that some estranged parents can continue to think they are wonderful.

Estranged parents who have come to this thread and been polite and supportive of course have my utmost respect. As always. It's very clear who is who.

The whole thread is about abusive parents. I feel no need to make a disclaimer on every comment I post to try to satisfy other people. It doesn't matter what I say or how I say 'it', the very fact that I speak my truth is offensive to some. Other then not talking/shutting up/going elsewhere there is nothing I can say that won't be taken as offensive.

Yennifer -- I agree with your sentiments. Abusers make innocent people look bad. Innocent people make themselves look bad by ignoring/minimizing inappropriate behavior which is called enabling. Enablers are equally as bad as abusers and perhaps worse.

People who enable abusers do so for dysfunctional reasons. They either secretly agree with the abuser, that the victim 'deserves' their treatment or they don't want to become the next target, so they say nothing. That's being a coward.

No they're not Yennifer and I think it's a shame that you see them that way but maybe they're not for you, which isn't saying you don't have the right to use them.

Yes sometimes it is. There are EP's reading and posting here, just take another look not just at the links but the comments that have followed them, where little or no attempt has been made by one poster in particular to ensure that her comments are specifically aimed at AEP's and not EP's in general.

If you remember, I specifically mentioned one to you this morning from HolyHannah and you haven't commented on it.

I do accept that you get comments of that nature and it's wrong just as it's wrong when EP's are told 'you must have done something' and 'AC don't estrange good parents'.

Our ES and his wife tried very hard to make us look bad, ultimately they failed but are at least one example of EC making good EP's look bad, and there are an awful lot of examples of EC here on GN doing the same thing.

Better things to do, I'm tired of the estrangement threads at this time, they a black hole for ECs who have a right to use them too x

No Smileless. I'm afraid some very nasty things have been said and maybe you have misinterpreted them because you say they are your friends x

Anyway

At the end of the day, it's not ECs that make good EPs look bad. People should be angry at my mother and people like her. They are the reason all these articles exist. It's abusive peoples fault when you or I aren't believed with our stories. When we don't get heard or people say "There must be more to it" or "it can't have been that bad". It's because abusive people by existing make innocent people look bad. So arguing with each other is very very pointless really x

I honestly haven't seen anyone say you weren't abused Yennifer and I am being very sincere when I ask if you may have miss interpreted something that's been said.

I even saw an EP tell an EC to go take a walk a cross a motorway which is vicious.

People on this thread have disagreed that I was abused Smileless2012 which is why I said it. I've even been laughed at.

Oh yes, Starblaze would have found something to say in order to pursue her own personal agenda which IMO is more to do with her than a desire to defend someone else.

Do you really believe you need defending Yennifer? You handle yourself very well on this and other threads. I think it was on this thread you posted that you'd risen to the challenge of some responses to you, and that in doing so you'd become stronger and more self aware.

I honestly don't understand why you feel some posters have made you feel bad for the decision you've made. Not everyone agrees with everything you, me or anyone for that matter posts, but I haven't seen you criticised for estranging your mum.

Sometimes posts say things that can unintentionally offend. "I am against abusive parents which we all should be". I am an EP and EGP and I am against abusive parents and against abuse in any form.

Probably wrongly, I took you comment to mean that not everyone on this read regardless of the reasons for their estrangement is against abusive parents; see what I mean.

Lavazza1st, thank you, I hope you can find peace too x

What I'm saying is everything is cause and effect. Would Starblaze have said anything at all if I hadn't needed defending in the first place? Doesn't look that way. I am against abusive parents which we all should be x

I think it would be fair to say that I have felt uncomfortable saying anything about it Smileless2012 because you both seem to have some issues I don't understand or know anything about. I have given my thoughts on everything in this post, maybe you didn't see? As for what Starblaze has said about the way I was treated, is factually correct. I know you though, not really Starblaze so it wasn't her I expected to say "come in, that's not fair". Anyway there are bigger things in life to worry about than what a few people on the Internet think of me and they can't really outdo what I put myself through when I made the decision myself. As far as Im concerned this post is about abusive parents like mine so I have taken what I can from it but I'm sad that others have made me feel bad here for a decision that was difficult and in my own best interests x

@Yennifer I get your point. I think you have to do whats healthy for you. Every family is different and I think itsgood to let go of those who wish to go their own way as holdingon would only cause more pain. Im so sorry for your experience.