Gransnet forums


Estranged From Grandchildren At Christmas

(10 Posts)
MBM Tue 24-Dec-19 10:22:27

I just wanted to wish all Grandparents & Parents who are estranged from their Grandchildren & Children as peaceful Christmas as we can possibly make it .
I have made a card each for my Granddaughters with the poem by AA Milne

If Ever There Is Tomorrow
When We Are Not Together
There is Something You Must REMEMBER
You Are Braver Than You Believe
And Smarter Than You Think
But The MOST Important Thing Is

AA Milne
Winnie The Pooh
We haven’t seen our Daughter for over a year, since she got divorced ( amicable) we have two beautiful grandchildren who we helped to bring up,
She met her new partner before the divorce, he’s completely taken over her mind and her life.
She has tried to stop us seeing our grandchildren, our ex Son in law try’s to FaceTime when he has them but this causes friction between them, and l wonder what is going through their little minds.
Why doesn’t Nana & Grandad come to see us anymore?
She’s playing mind games and it isn’t healthy for them
I’m wondering if l should cut contact with them completely.
It will break our hearts but I hate what she’s doing to them.
We have always been so close , phoned or text everyday until the new partner moved in, she is now a wealthy women since divorce, met him before divorce through work, he’s a lot younger than her and obviously knew had a wonderful lifestyle.
I love her and she’s my daughter but l cannot forgive the dreadful things she has said and done over the last year.
I have progressive M S , one of the worst things is stress and we have had this in bucket fulls .
I’m not sure how much longer l can go one , lm just about hanging on due to my lovely hubby, we have no other relatives as my only Brother died in November.
Sorry for going on
I just wanted to thank you all for the thread that try’s to keep us all going and to Minty for the messages on the Christmas tree.
Take care of each other through this stressful time.

Smileless2012 Tue 24-Dec-19 10:40:12

Thank you for sharing that lovely poem MBM I have to say it brought tears to my eyes.

I am so sorry your painflowers, please accept my sincere condolences for the recent loss of your brother.

In your position, I would continue to have what little contact you can with your GC. We have non whatsoever with ours.

Take care of yourself and now you've posted here know that we are here for you when ever you need to talk x.

maddyone Tue 24-Dec-19 11:19:24

MBM I echo what Smileless has said. Try to keep the small amount of contact you have with your grandchildren, it will help them to know that you still care.
Have a peaceful Christmas.

Namsnanny Thu 26-Dec-19 23:36:01

MBM I'm so glad you found the energy to post that lovely poem.

I think you must consider your health first.
Secondly if you can keep up contact with the GC for as long as possible it would probably turn out to be a good thing, because as soon as your daughter wants to end it, end it she will. Unfortunately (as you have come to see) she holds the power in this situation.

What ever the gc home life is like good bad or complicated is out of your control, so don't let that influence your decision whether to keep in contact or not.

Hope you are feeling well for Christmas and the New year.

Starlady Fri 27-Dec-19 00:20:07

First, my heart goes out to you, MBM. So deeply sorry about your MS - and about this estrangement from your daughter. While I'm glad you get some contact via XSIL, I'm sorry it causes conflict. Lots of hugs!

Starlady Fri 27-Dec-19 00:22:26

Oh, meant to say - beautiful choice of poem! Thanks for sharing!

Are you sending these cards to your GDs or just saving them in case you ever get to see them in person? If you send them, will it be to your ED's (estranged daughter's) house or XSIL's?

Starlady Fri 27-Dec-19 00:27:24

Also deeply sorry about the loss of your DB (dear brother).... sigh...

As for whether or not you should keep up contact w/ your GDs, I think it all depends on whether or not you feel the good outweighs the bad for them - and for you. If the conflict over the FaceTiming impacts the girls, then perhaps it's better to let that go or just leave it up to XSIL's judgment. He'll probably know better than you when it's a good time or not. Then again, is trying to maintain contact too stressful for your condition? Or would not seeing or hearing from your GDs cause worse stress, etc? Only you can really answer these questions. I hope you can figure out what's best for you, your GDs and your wonderful DH (kudos to him!).

Sandmb Tue 10-Mar-20 19:13:32

You should definately keep in contact with your grandchildren. I was kept away from 5 of my grandchildren at Christmas and for the last 6 months but now I used McKenzie friend(which I’ve now trained for) and I got regular access and phone calls so it’s definately worth thinking about and at a fraction of the cost of a solicitor

Starlady Wed 11-Mar-20 04:47:31

Sandmb, are you saying that you took the parents to court for visitation rights and you won? We GPs don't hear that very often. If you don't mind my asking, did both parents want the estrangement or did they disagree? (I ask b/c Ive heard it's easier if the parents aren't united in this.) Or did you have a strong relationship w/ the GC before the CO (cut off)? Anyhow, enjoy your visits and phone calls with your GC!

Sandmb Sat 14-Mar-20 21:08:36

Hi yes I did take both parents and they are saying they are united in their decision. Yes I did everything for them as the whole family lived with me so I was close with the grandchildren. It is becoming a lot more common now for grandparents to have access and they say you may have fallen out with the parents but the children deserve to have their grandparents in their lives. It’s scary but I did it and proud of myself because I’m now seeing them again so if you’ve lost your grandchildren think about it seriously and the way I saw it if I had lost the children when they’re older will know I tried my hardest to see them but family courts are ok. When I was there there was 3 other grandparent cases and we all won. Thank you I will enjoy my time