Struggling Sundays

You add, not you are

"You don't say f your mother is alive or not. If she is, I would suggest contacting her and just talk about what issues you both have. Once you and she have made up you will be able to sleep better. She is probably upset also, and she is getting on in age and may not be around much longer."

How do you dare suggest this? How could it even cross mind?
A person who poisoned her own daughter for years?
This is way past the talking point.
This is ABUSE, period.

On top of it, you are the guilt trip of "she won't be here much longer". Every time I hear it, it makes me rolls my eyes and think "too bad so sad, good riddance"

Jennifer,
Hugs.
Congratulations on your achievements! Many more to come, I swear.

You are all lovely, maybe next Sunday evening I will read through them all again because you have all taken a lot of stress off me x

I have had terrible Sunday insomnia all my life.

Of course I meant Tillybellle, so sorry xx

Lilybelle, that was such a lovely post, full of compassion and sense. Thank you xx

vickya thanks for the link I’ve just ordered some,I’m hoping it will help my mental health x

I'd go for a really long walk early evening to get physically relaxed and tired. It can be easy to fool your own mind into thinking it's just a Friday too! Is it related to any worries about Monday morning?

It’s terrible not being able to sleep,I really feel for you.
I tend to listen to Michael searly he is on you tube and has lots off different videos
I use headphones and cover my screen I have not got to the end of one yet.

Thank you x

I have always had trouble getting to sleep and now if there is anything particular happening next day,I toss and turn all night, which is ridiculous really.A few weeks ago we had a speaker in our club talking about sleeping problems,she was a professor in sleep management, one thing I picked up on, which suits me, is instead of looking at the clock and thinking "oh I only have five hours left to sleep" turn it around and think " oh lovely I have five more hours to sleep"It works most of the time, and one night without a lot of sleep doesnt do any harm.
Good Luck Yennifer

I put the radio onto a talk only channel. The babble sends me off.

Having suffered poor sleep for years a Christmas present from my son is finally offering some help. He bought me an Echo dot. At night I listen to relaxing music on headphones and there are other sleep apps I can use to relax. I set the alarm to come on every morning with music which is lovely. It has been the best thing for me and I feel so much better in myself.

Sorry about your sister flaxwoven, I have a friend who is bipolar and it's a roller-coaster at times x

I think reading is a definite way forward for me, i won't stress at the alarm getting closer if I'm lost in a book x

Years ago I used to meet my sister with all 6 children on Sundays but as time went on and she was diagnosed with bipolar and paranoia our relationship took a dive and she wrote me a very upsetting letter saying she didn't want to see me any more. She said some nasty things about me and my parents, all nonsense in her head. She stopped taking her medication and no one followed it up. It used to upset me and I think of all the years wasted when we could have done things together, so I rarely visit. However when I do gather up the courage to visit, if she is in a good mood she talks and talks before she reverts to the paranoia again. I'm sad but don't worry about it any more. I would suggest counselling, talking it all out. A good counsellor will help you make your own decisions and the way forward. Would it help writing a letter to your mother telling her how you feel?
So on Sundays I attend a modern church with friendly people and nice songs (and good coffee) which makes me feel good. Afterwards I have a relaxing walk while hubby watches politics shows. In the evening I read or watch something pleasant like a "Miss Marple" or listen to Classic FM. I don't watch anything nasty like murders as I know I will mull over it and not sleep. I also have to avoid doing crossword puzzles too late as my brain will not stop after that. I often wake after 4 hours and if I can't sleep I read my book or make a cup of tea.

Both me and my hubby used to have trouble sleeping on a Sunday night, haven't got a clue why, only thing we could think of was that during the week we would have our main meal at teatime whereas we'd have it at lunchtime on a sunday then not have much else to eat, whether that had anything to do with it or not we haven't got a clue

You are all amazing! Thank you x

polnan

Some newer phones have a blue light filter. Mine does. You can also just turn a video on and put your phone to the side, so you're listening rather than watching. That's what I do.

Just a thought, it is an accepted thought that Sunday night is the most problematic for people trying to get to sleep. I have been retired for a long time but still find I can’t get to sleep on Sunday night!

Yennifer
You poor girl. I do sympathise from the bottom of my heart. It is interesting that I never managed to let my hair grow long until after my mother died.
People will come up with many sleep ideas. Mine are often the opposite, strangely, as I have trouble at night. My first piece of advice is - if what you are trying doesn't work stop doing it.
Next, don't fight not sleeping. If you are awake, then just be content to read, watch TV, have a milky drink, do anything peaceful that passes the time, preferably while in bed. Many people will not advise this btw. But it works for me. It calms me and makes bed the place I enjoy and not the place I lie and worry in. Nobody died of lack of sleep and one night of less sleep than usual won't make much difference to you unless you spend that night in an anxious and fretful state.

During the day write all the things your mother did to control you in a list, leaving a blank at the top. Then at the top write "But I am my own mother now and All these things are over" and with a black marker cross them out so you can't read them. If possible burn them. (Use a match and drop the paper in the sink)

Have a little mantra to hum in your head to your own little cherry tune, with your own words along these lines:
"I'm in charge of me now,
I'm the mum round here.
What I say goes.
I give myself permission to be happy and have fun.
I only do what I say".
Or anything like that which means something to you. Don't use negatives though, i.e. do not say "my mother does not control me' or wtte. Always be positive and keep it short. Keep this little ditty or mantra going in your head as often as you can. Do it when you are going to sleep. It may take 40 days of re-educating your brain that this is the case. That is generally accepted to be the time it takes to make a memory a permanently placed change in our brain. (Look up "long term potentiation"). After that, top-ups are always useful.

I wish you every blessing and really do understand what having a forceful mother is like. Mine made me marry a 32 year old man when I was 19, he was a psychopathic narcissist. She was a narcissist. These types can really get inside you and it takes a concerted program of actively replacing what they did to you to change the automatic patterns of fear that recur in your brain because of the many years of their abuse.

You can do it. It works.

with all my love, Elle x ???

Some relaxing music may help, such as Gregorian chant or Buddhist chant. I sometimes play this if my mind is in a whirl, and often, when I do, I don't hear the end!

Ok, CBD oil is very good for stress. It is extracted from Hemp and does not contain the hallucinogenic elements of hemp but does relax you and can ease pain too. It is perfectly legal.
cbd.co.uk/collections/cbd-oil-drops/products/summer-fruits-cbd-oil-drops?variant=21708347637820 there are various flavours and strengths and if you get the 1000 you only need a few drops so it lasts for ages. Doctors are aware of it but do not prescribe it. I find sometimes it helps me sleep and sometimes clean sheets work better! After sheet change day I really do usually sleep well. That might be because the duvet is heavy etc. I'm arthritic and a friend suggested it and they were told it is sometime to try by their consultant at the hospital.

Googes41, that's a good saying of your father's. I will try to remember that.

Try 7/11 breathing.Breath in for 7 and out for eleven counting
Each breath . Takes a bit of concentration but it does work.
My father had a saying “things without remedy should be without regard” I have found that useful in darker days.