Yennifer -- I agree. If people latched on to that as my reason for estrangement. Maybe the same happens with no pony or boarding school. One reason of many is smaller but that's all that gets focused on
Emotional abuse in particular is 'death by a 1000 cuts'... Even after I began recovery and accepted my Scapegoat role etc. I thought, 'if I hint around the edges' that I now "see through her behavior" she would 'knock it off' or at least tone 'it' down. Boy was I wrong. It became a new 'challenge' to her to find new ways to get a negative emotional reaction from Me.
I'm very open about my likes/loves to those who know me. And of course my mom knew who I liked and I said to myself, "IF something bad ever happens to special person and 'mom' tries to use My pain over that person being hurt it will be the 'final straw'." Needless to say special person did get hurt in the line of duty and my 'mom' called not once but TWICE the day it happened, to see how upset I was.
Thankfully for Me, her 'nature' could not be contained so when the first call arrived I was mentally prepared... She was NOT 'mentally prepared' for MY reaction. Which was to chat with her like everything was 'normal'... She expected/assumed that the minute I picked up I'd be a basket case and blurt out what she already knew had happened to special person...
Nope. I just let her steer the conversation and pick around the edges of what was 'going on'. I refused to 'bite'. After 40 minutes of 'trying' she finally gave up and said, "I have to go make dinner." and hung up.
A little over 2 hours later, she tried again. This time she did directly bring up special person and their accident. I said, "Yes... I know what happened but thankfully (I listed the reasons why the situation could have been much worse) and special person is going to be fine." I'm sure she has no idea to this day that she shot herself in the foot that day.
Using those I love as a 'weapon' against Me is a big 'no go' zone and when I learned how she used my emotions as 'weapons'? I turned the gun off. Until that day (yes I remember the actual DATE) I still had a hope that I was wrong about her emotional abuse. After 'that day' I never carried further doubt. So yes EP's, you can hit a 'breaking point' and once your 'child' is "there" the work to undo the damage is going to be A LOT -- IF it can be 'undone' at all.