Frightened I will never see her or overcome this block

Elena,
be very weary using the courts to see your gc. The money used to defend themselves in court is money being taken away from your gc. Maybe they won't be able to afford after school activities anymore because you are suing them. Court is only going to really hurt your d and gc. I would think that you are very unlikely to gain the outcome you want in court when there is a history of sexual abuse however. You may spend alot of money, put your gc through trauma (yes being sued is traumatic), and then not even get the outcome you want. If you do this and it doesn't work out, you may guarantee that your d and gc never see you again.

Elana, I’m glad you’re reading all the advice.

Don’t push your daughter about her granddad, that is her relationship to manage. I know it’s hard, but you need to try to let that go. I understand your upset though.

Have you looked into therapy to help you process your feelings? After a few sessions you might be able to reach out to daughter with a different perspective, she might be more willing in that time frame to listen, whether due to time or hearing that you are trying to sort your feelings.

Now, she might not be interested, but after therapy you will be stronger to deal with that.

Therapy is not a punishment as some would have you believe, but more a tool to help us all through tough times.

Wow Motherofdragons you have written such wise words in your post. Thankyou so much. I do want a relationship with my d and gc and I know its raw right now with my d finding the things out about her s and my gd. She is very angry this she has told me herself. I suppose seeking out the courts so soon is because I'm so scared to sit on it for too long and then come to find out my d is still refusing to speak with me and stopping me seeing the children, then the court may decide the gap has been too long therefore refuse to accept my even having a relationship with the gc anymore. My d has even used the very same words you have posted that she is still trying to process what happened. But now comes the but, unless she agrees to sit down and try to sort everything out with me neither of us are going to be able to move forward. I'm even moreso worried with her mindset right now as I did text her just days ago to let her know her grandad was in hospital with Covid. She has never been close to him, neither have I really due to my parents divorcing when I was 3. But he is still my dad and her grandad. I was so upset when the hospital called me, all I wanted to do was talk with my d as upset as I was. My d didnt even send me a text to ask after him. This is what is so worrying for me, that if she won't even communicate with this then shes never going to communicate with me again. Plus with Covid I can't imagine my paperwork of which I want to file would even be looked at for a long time yet. I don't want to cause a bigger problem but if and when I do file to go to court, I really hope this move will at least make her realize just how much I love my gc to want to see them so badly...

I'm not baffled Grandmafrench …. after reading your post.

Grandmafrench How can you say the rudest, most generalising, most invalidating thing so far on this thread and think it somehow makes adult estranged childroon look bad?

I'm honestly baffled.

Where on earth do you find the energy, Smileless ? It's like angry teens meet American psycho-babble, meets attention-seeking behaviour. The original poster - whatever her history on the Forum - and anyone else who has anything sensible to say, will definitely be deterred from posting, ever again. Is that the plan, do you think ? High time that those with their harsh words and try hard language climbed onto those Unicorns and went off to play elsewhere. Not convinced that discussions with adults are really their thing?

What sort of language Namsnanny? Examples?

There's a whole language connected to estrangement.

It's quite juvenile and not too hard to understand, if anyone can be bothered.

It's a bit like teenagers who need a language different to everyone else to define themselves as part of a social group.

Starblaze I know what you mean

Was it the right thread? I'm losing track lol

Starblaze I see that you explained unicorns on another thread. Thankyou!

Yes they're surprisingly more common than you could ever have imagined Madgran.

Unicorns ....?

Do have a look at the Support thread Wibby, I totally understand that this and possibly another thread on the estrangement thread make it look as if nothing's changed, and you're right I'm sorry to say.

That said the support thread has been running for than 7 years. It has stood not only the test of time but the occasional posters who come on to try and upset those who use it for the purpose it was created for.

You're welcome Madgran.

What have I not explained?

hopefully a little laughter comes in

Which maybe could be fine if everyone understands the joke or has it explained when they ask!

*I've seen the unicorn reference several times on the estrangement threads and not saying this is the necessarily the case this time, but it's used as an insult.

For example EP's who've done nothing to warrant their estrangement are like unicorns ie they don't really exist, or EAC who estrange their parent(s) for no good reason are like unicorns ie they don't exist either.*

Ah ok ...thankyou Smileless

Madgran … don't ask

Wibby … I too know how Sally and you and Ironflower must be feeling.
Don't think you need to leave Wibby, try the support thread before it gets derailed.

The unicorn rules with harmony, has healing properties, it can clarify water with its noble horn ..

@Smileless I know how Sally must be feeling, it was the reason I left the site a few years ago. Sadly nothings changed!

I think we lost Sally sometime ago Wibby but hopefully she's found somewhere more positive and helpful to seek the support and advice she needs.

I've seen the unicorn reference several times on the estrangement threads and not saying this is the necessarily the case this time, but it's used as an insult.

For example EP's who've done nothing to warrant their estrangement are like unicorns ie they don't really exist, or EAC who estrange their parent(s) for no good reason are like unicorns ie they don't exist either.

When I go to friends for support, the conversations change and grow, hopefully a little laughter comes in. Sometimes the dubject changes to others and comes back. That's what made me realise that I couldn't expect threads to stay on topic and I shouldn't be pedantic about it

Maybe we should leave the thread policing to gransnet

Wibby I have to say I agree and I said as much a little further back on the thread. I then suggested a new thread for the way the discussion was going and that was followed by the unicorn stuff which makes no sense to me and I would genuinely like to know what the phrase is supposed to mean as it is regularly used in the estrangement threads and to me is meaningless in the context.

However your comment has reminded me of my own earlier comments. I too feel sorry for the OP who I think was driven away pages back. Thankyou for reminding me!!

What a farce this thread has turned into! I so feel for Sally as she was asking for advice and some posters are just horseplaying throwing digging comments at each other which has nothing to do with the the original post!! and Sally must be really upset reading all the drivel.