SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement

Hi, all, missed a lot just reading away catching up. We went on a (socially distanced) walk with DH's cousin and her OH. Despite being 10 years our seniors they are very fit. I knew I was pushing myself, unwisely, to my limits and my CFS flared up so I lost a day and a half in bed sleeping off payback. I usually pace myself a lot better but vanity got in the way as the oldies kept telling us how they'd already done 3 miles that morning and 8 miles yesterday, and seemed genuinely perplexed at me holding up the rear. (I have tried to explain my chronic illness but - ah well my own fault).

I had to laugh at your roadkill pizza smiles. And as for how we handle these things with our OHs I think it's more about how we say it than what we say. My DH would feel patronised if I told him he'd tried his best when he's messed up. I tend to just say quite bluntly, 'well you buggered that up but never mind' and we'll laugh about it together. I regularly tell him I've buggered something up too, and he knows my attitude is nobody's perfect, and I love him whatever he buggers up. So we're good. We all do things differently, and that's fine.

That's a lovely thing you did for the wedding smiles but it never fails to amaze me how the nice things get forgotten and the negatives get blown up till we are monsters.

I'm sorry things didn't move forward after you were given a bit of hope starblaze. Your mum sounds very damaged, as most bullies are. But bullying can hide their pain and weakness even from themselves. She sounds like she tries to be whatever will make her popular. I'm not saying she couldn't be fixed, but she'd probably need a lot of help and to be willing to work at it. And would find it hard.

I do hope you're right that you won't be estranged star but if only a willingness to be honest and apologise were all that was needed. I have yet to be told why I've been estranged and my written apologies of 'I'm sorry for however I've hurt you and am ready to listen to what those things are whenever you are ready to tell me' have fallen on deaf ears.

Beautiful sky smiles - I don't know if there's a proper name for the rays of sunshine through the clouds like that but I always call them 'the fingers of God' and find them very uplifting.

We've got a cracking thunderstorm here now! love it! I'm sitting in my little greenhouse with the rain hammering down and watching flashes of lightening, followed by deep rolls of thunder. The air feels so much cleaner and fresher already.

I know what you mean hugshelp if I spoke to Mr. S. like he was a small child he'd feel patronised too. I usually call him a berk he on the other hand, which really annoys me, which is why he does it, is pat me on the head, and if he's feeling very brave the pat on the head is accompanied by 'there there, never mind'!!!

Mr. S. loves thunderstorms too Chewbacca, we used to get some amazing thunderstorms in Florida. We have a recording of one and it's soooo loud. The rain would be so heavy that when you looked out of the window you literally couldn't see a thing. Then it would be gone; clear blue sky, bright sunshine and steam coming off the ground.

Sometimes I really miss our villa.

We've had the odd spot of rain but nothing to speak of. TBH we could do with a good down pour to clear the air.

I don't know why hugshelp but some people just move on from relationships like an axe blade fell between them. I didn't find it that easy. My mum didn't put it to me as nicely as that (more I don't know why you don't want a relationship with me you cruel, horrible etc etc) but I did try to explain the issues. They were disregarded and actually laughed at. Anyway I don't handle things that way, I had to know for me that I had tried my best.

My children, perhaps I should have used "hope" instead of "think" because that is how it was meant. I apologise for causing offense, it wasn't my intention at all.

I love thunderstorms too Chewbacca We had one earlier

Ours has passed now Madgran. And the air is so much clearer today, don't you think?

Same here. And yes much fresher. Went on a walk with my daughter earlier, and it was lovely with a breeze. And now our thunderstorm has also blown over, really enjoying the bit of evening sunshine we have

Well the winds getting up here and those black clouds are being swept away.

Lol smiles DH does like to tease me sometimes too. But as long as it's all done good-naturedly.
We've had rain here but I wouldn't say we've had a proper storm. There's a bit of wind but it's not really fresh.

Years ago Hubby was putting up a new folding door for daughter's room in our old house. (The house was tiny, about 650 sq ft, so there wasn't room for her to have a regular door on her bedroom. We have since moved to a larger house.) I told Hubby that since I know I tend to micromanage these kinds of things, I'd go in our bedroom and listen to music and let him crack on with it. A while later, I came outside just to check on the progress. Hubby proudly showed me how he had put in the track on which the door slides. I said to him, "Honey, you did a great job of putting it on upside down." To his credit, he was great about it and promptly fixed it.

We've been married just 2 months short of 40 years and have been together nearly 43 and I can honestly say, taking our estrangement out of the equation, we've shared more tears of joy and laughter than we've ever shared in sorrow.

agnurse .

Lol agnurse my friend has a door which is upside down. There are 4 doors in that hallway. She didn't mention it as she thought he would realise. It had been 3 years when I asked her about it lol

I had an online counselling session on how to deal with some difficult people/situations that have come up. In regards to the email from my mum what I've been advised is:

Real change doesn't come suddenly, you should be looking for real change that has lasted a year before considering any sort of reply. This would include evidence that some sort of therapy/counselling has been undertaken. Real genuine apology and acknowledgement of mistakes that need that apology. Evidence of genuine empathy and understanding towards you. Real change will come with no anger, no guilt trips and certainly no third parties contacting you with same.

Its taken a lot of stress off my shoulders, it really has.

Had a lovely face time hour with DS earlier . I don't know how we'd have coped with him living on the other side of the world without today's technology. Next best thing to being in the same room, although of course nothing can compensate for him not being here.

I realised this morning that Wimbledon would have been starting tomorrow; the highlight of my summer. Previous matches are going to be shown so I'm hoping that they'll show Murray's victory.

No BBQ for us this evening so we'll have to go and buy a joint for tonight's meal.

A joint you say Smileless? You dark horse you!

Chewbacca actually that wouldn't be a bad idea if I had a supplier.

Before the conversion into 2 houses, this property used to be a joiners workshop and then, was a cannabis factory, raided a couple of times by the police; never been able to find any though.

Mr. S. requested roast chicken with all the trimmings so we went to our local Tesco's as I have to have cranberry sauce or my chicken dinner just doesn't taste the same.

Aldi hasn't had any for weeks so I bought 2 jars. The dogs will be pleased as a little chicken is the only human food I ever give them when we have a chicken dinner.

Veg has been prepared and I'm waiting for the milk to be ready for bread sauce.

Ooh you lot are naughty!

yeah but we're nice aren't we hugshelp and of course that includes you.

Hey can I join the naughty but nice gang, as I'm having roast chicken dinner too? .

If your dogs are anything like my AC's Smileless they sit there, never taking their eyes off you until they are allowed their share!

I really have to be strict with myself because they are well trained and very patient. But I'm the one that wants to break the house rules and give them a titbit
Never do though, not my house not my rules.

I took a photo of them once, waiting for their chicken treat and had it made into a picture. Framed it and gave it to AC and partner for Christmas.
They still have it on their wall.

The dogs are very photogenic though.

Hope everyone has a good Sunday, will read back posts later, dinner is calling!

Chewbacca

Smileless I have this picture in my head of you and Mr S eating roast chicken with all the trimmings, sitting in a haze with silly grins on your faces, surrounded by suspicious looking greenery!!

Welcome to the naughty but nice gang Namsnanny, the more the merrier.

Yes our dogs are just the same, a bit of chicken is the only meat of ours we give them and they do enjoy it bless them. Our little poodle has a very delicate tummy so we have to be very careful.

Madgran you described our evening meal, our faces and and our foliage perfectly.

You could come to Canada. Joints are completely legal here as long as you're over 18 and purchase them from a licensed supplier (If anyone was curious, no, I do not partake.)

We've enjoyed a delicious bowl of home made chicken soup for lunch, made from the carcass of yesterday's chicken. Waste not want not.

Chicken dinner for us tonight