SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement

I've just had a pm from LeeElizabeth and all is well, well as well as it can be. Phew.

I found it worrying TBH Starblaze; desperation and a sense of panic but if this happened just yesterday the feeling of shock may well be overwhelming. I know it was for us. I hope she posts again.

I'm sure you are "gracious enough" Spring it is hard isn't it. Our friends with GC made a point at the beginning of not talking about their GC which was very thoughtful but in the end for us, it made it worse somehow so normal conversation resumed.

We became very conscious that 99% of the conversations were all about our estrangement so we said that for a while at least, we wanted our time together to be an estrangement free zone. Just as happened with conversations about their GC, estrangement did and remains something we'll talk about from time to time but for us, in a healthier way.

We it's no wonder that the weather in the UK is such a topic pf conversation. This morning grey skies, thick fog and chilly with a light drizzle and now, lovely blue sky and warm sunshine. Fabulous.

Thanks everyone. Struck by the phrase 'we are more than our estrangements' from Smileless on this forum and 'no one is going to ask those awkward questions that bring things up and you're not sure how to answer' from Hugless. Sometimes life can feel like that can't it - dodging the tricky landscape. Hope I can be gracious enough to be happy for those reuniting with gc they haven't seen for a few months....even if it hurts. Sorry weather is so awful for others - maybe we just escaped the showers!

I've just read through all that and it does look entirely odd

Just to explain why I'm all over the estrangement forum at the moment, I've been trying to respond to a large number of posts from LeeElizabeth made last night over a very short space of time, which have left me rather concerned.

I've sent you a private message LeeE and you can find it by clicking on the yellow box at the top right hand corner of the page, marked Inbox.

Looks a bit odd seeing my name on 9 threads, so thought I should explain.

Hello LeeElizabeth I don't recall seeing you on GN before so welcome.

From what you've posted, this sad situation has just occurred so there's a chance that given some time your D will calm down and you'll be able to find a resolution.

Had there been any issues before the argument that you can think of, that may explain what appears to be a rather extreme reaction?

It's still horrible here this morning hugshelp the rain has gone but been replaced with thick fog!! It's supposed to be a lot better tomorrow so hopefully just one more miserable day to contend with.

I just became estranged from my adult daughter of 29 today. We had an argument. I apologized and asked her forgiveness. She refuses to forgive me and wants nothing to do with me.

Been equally horrible weather here smiles - it has rained and rained all day. Had to pop outside to sort out a few problems in the garden where things were getting flooded and it was so muddy and wet everywhere. We've had incessant rain for a week or two now (lost track) but today was the worst. Poor poodle, and not nice having a soggy doggy. Glad you managed to nip out for shopping in the end.

Yes there's often things that bring it to the fore Spring that can be very painful. But this is a good place to talk about your pain when you need to and to just hang-out and chat at other times, knowing nobody is going to ask those awkward questions that bring things up and you're not sure how to answer, unless you go to that place yourself. Glad you had a lovely walk - treasure the little pleasures in life as much as you can.

Well we managed to get back with our shopping before the rain started again. At this rate I'll be needing Mr. S. to use his DIY skills to build us an arc!!!

Decided to postpone our trip to Aldi to this afternoon because it's still raining and queuing to get in the store in the rain doesn't exactly thrill me.

It looks as I type, that it may have just about stopped and is looking a tiny bit brighter so fingers crossed it will stay that way.

Nice to see you again Spring and glad you enjoyed your walk with your DH. You've obviously had better weather where you are. I think even the ducks have stayed in today it's so horrible.

For me, one of the good things about this thread is that we don't only talk about our estrangements. It's good to have a laugh and talk about other things because we are more than our estrangements. We have lives to live and good things to enjoy.

I think for a lot of us living with estrangement, Covid and the restrictions due to lock down have made us think about our situations perhaps more than we'd normally do.

It's lovey to see and hear about GP's reconnecting with their GC that they've been unable to have physical contact with but it's hard too, for us to know that in all probability we'll never see our own.

Thank you for the welcome lovely people. Good to see you have ‘normal’ chat and don’t just focus on E!! I think has just been hard seeing pictures all over the media of reconciliations after Covid distancing. Brings what’s missing/lost to the surface. But on a positive note had a lovely walk with my dh this afternoon, and I know these intense feelings will pass or at least get easier to manage. Glad to have connected with you all.

Oh dear hugshelp I don't even know what a flash gun is. The only cameras I've ever used are the idiot proof ones where you point and press and even with those, the results are questionable, but thank you for answering my question.

Well what a horrible days it's been here today. Pouring with rain all day. It's so awful that our dogs didn't get their afternoon walk. Our little poodle has had his legs crossed for ages. Every time I've opened the door, he's given me a 'you cannot be serious' look, so I had to resort to picking him up and putting him outside.

Job done. He did what he was desperate to do and then shot back inside.

A snood/diffuser is a thing you fit on your flash gun to direct and soften the light smiles.

Hello spring - of course we all wish we didn't need to be here, but I can tell you I am so glad for this beacon of light in the darkness. Being estranged from loved ones is the most horribly painful thing, and yes the unanswered questions torment us. I too tried many attempts at reconcilliation or at least a tiny bit of communication, anything, but as you say it is either ignored or met with anger and hostitility - but never any answers or discussion.

Sometimes just dropping in and knowing I'm 'with' others in the same boat, even if we're only talking about shopping or something is still a comfort.

With you all in spirit ladies. xxx

We're glad to have you here Spring although of course we'd all prefer not to be.

You are coping; being "hit by the wave of grief" happens to us all from time to time. Usually coming out of the blue and often totally unexpected.

For me, as time's gone on (we've been estranged from our son and only GC for 7.5 years) those waves have become far less frequent and when I do get one, it usually comes as a bit of a shock, as if I'd thought it would never happen again, but of course it does.

This is a place to share, to give and receive support and just come for a chat which we often do, as you may have seen from the posts here.

Take care and do post again; we'd love to hear from you.

Sad to arrive in this forum but guess you all know why. Been estranged from Dd for 5 years now. Thought was coping but then get hit by the wave of grief....a gd we will never see/ get to know. So much pain....so many unanswered questions and no way of reconciling as every attempt to say sorry/ make amends/listen met with silence or hostility. Glad to be here...

What's a snood/diffuser hugshelp? I've been doing that today too, touching up paintwork. Much better to keep on top of these things than have to do the whole lot isn't it.

Evening all.
Hi aquamarine I'm glad you found workshops that helped. Your words resonate with me so much, who'd have thought indeed... I'm so sorry you have the pain of hearing about new family you cannot meet, it's heartbreaking.

Hi, smiles - just a few touch-ups to damaged paintwork, a few repairs to odds and ends that had got damaged, and I wanted to knock up a snood/diffuser for my camera - it turned out very scruffy but seems to work.
Living in the moment, as you say, and yes it only works sometimes...

And yes, we keep moving forwards the best we can 3nanny6

Hi Aquamarine how are you? I am glad to hear that you went to the workshop in December in regard of the coping at Christmas, which we all know is a time when family are usually at the forefront of our minds. Last Christmas was probably one of the worst I have known as it was the first one that I had not seen the GC since they had been born.

A new grand-child has come into the world who you have not met so to feel tearful and upset is a normal reaction and
if the tears help then there is nothing wrong with that.

Our AC can change so much and many times we do not know why. My main problem has been with my daughter who has my G.C. although there has been a bit of a breakthrough with her it is all still very fragile.
I can imagine you must also miss your son, I have always been close to my son although he met a young woman three weeks before lockdown and he decided to go into lockdown at her address and is still with her. I am happy with that although his phone calls to me have not been that frequent and only once he came and left flowers outside my house for me (he is keeping the lockdown rules) but I do miss him. You are right it is good to live in the moment to find happiness with those in our lives, things can get easier but there will bad days as well. I take those days in my stride and keep moving forward that's all we can do.
Take care.

Sounds as if you had a busy day yesterday hugshelp. What DIY have to been up too?

"who'd of thought, I was once close to my son" It's hard to believe how much things can change isn't it Aquamarine.

So hard to know that we have GC that in all probability we'll never see. Living in the moment is all we can do, making the most of what we have and the people we have in our lives is all we can do, and as you say sometimes that works but not all of the time.

8nammy6
you're so helpful , as it happens last year I went to a workshop in Sheffield in December , coping with estrangement at Christmas , I've done two zoom meetings during lockdown too ! they are a help.
today I had a cry , since I've been estranged I've a new granddaughter born last November , my mum told me but obviously I haven't met her , my son's second daughter...
who'd of thought , I was once close to my son...
life can be unpredictable . live in the moment if you can , I try sometimes works , sometimes not.. take care ladies.

Evening ladies. Today has flown. Shopping delivery and some DIY - which refused to go according to plan - just made the day fly by.
Weather's still rubbish here.

Morning ladies. Well it's rather nice here this morning! Clear blue sky, warmer than it has been and that chilly wind has gone.

Glad you liked the pictures hugshelp. Like the sound of your knitted animal hats, maybe that's a look I should go for.

Hope you're OK aquamarine.

Thanks for the information PF.

Ooh, your pictures are lovely smiles

I have quite a collection of knitted hats, quite a few of them with ear flaps - just need to remember to wear them every time - easy to get caught out when it's supposed to be summer!

Just before lockdown Dh, myself, our DD, and DD's chap, went out for the day, all wearing knitted animal hats - we did get a lot of amusing comments from people (all friendly).

I'm sorry you are struggling and tearful aquamarine - I have spells like that, and times when I manage to distract myself with nicer things. I do hope you can find something to find some solace in. And thank you for the suggestions, I will have a proper look at the standalone page soon - maybe just before bed is not the best time but I bookmarked it.

Hello 3nanny6 gloomy weather a good excuse to catch up with things here too. My tomato plants are only a few inches tall atm.

Aquamarine