SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement

Summerlove

'Your money or the GC' is extreme but it happens as we've seen here on GN this week.

Another lovely morning here. We're going to the crematorium to order mum's plaque today which should take about 3 weeks to be made and installed. It will be nice to have somewhere to take flowers for her.

I'm waiting to hear from my cousins to see if they can remember when our gran was cremated there, I think it was January 1994, and once I know they'll be able to tell me exactly where her ashes were scattered so I can take flowers there as well.

It's strange how things work out in the end, mum and her mum's remains being laid to rest at the same place.

Thank you again everyone and I am pleased for you Smileless that you have a sunny day today.

I am going to crawl back under my stone for a bit, but I will return when I feel a bit stronger. I appreciate all your kindness so much.

Special hugs to you hugs, as suggested by your wonderful username!

Looking forward to when you feel strong enough to join in again PF x

Just completed the form and with restrictions on the number of characters and spaces, it was hard to know what to put so I settled for "I love you mum" for the last line.

Hi Everyone and many thanks for the advice and support I am getting about my daughter, personally just trying to stay strong and keep myself as focused as possible.

PetitFromage I see from your post at 10.35 you are feeling fragile, have a rest and take a little time for yourself until you feel stronger.
I hope you don't mind me saying but your long post yesterday was so good and yes I know it brought up many difficult things for you but I hope it helped you to get certain things off your chest.
There were several things in your post that completely mirrored my own experience and the same as yourself almost word for word the therapist I had about 3 years ago in regard of the ongoing scenario of my D told me my D sounded like she needed care herself and she spoke of her as being spiteful and cruel.
Like you said yourself you thought that was a harsh thing to hear I know that is probably because just as I felt we love these children of ours and it hits hard to hear them described like that even if we know we have been treated badly.
I will not make this post too long all I can say is you done amazingly on the weekend and it must have tired you out I so hope your D has e-mailed you and also her sisters to thank-you all for a lovely weekend.
In fact your post made me shed a tear or two.

Smileless2012 hope it goes well with the plaque. We need that mark for remembrance and somewhere to take our potted plants and flowers. I so need to visit my late parents grave as I have not been for quite some time. I did manage to go during the lockdown and it was open but I was somewhat upset as for some reason all ornaments pots and
dried flowers that people sometimes leave on the graves had all been removed it was bleak to say the least.

I'm glad you got a lovely morning smiles. I do think it's important to have somewhere to take flowers or to just go and chat and remember. I still talk to my mum and Dhs - long departed. "I love you mum" sounds perfect, what could be a more important thing to say?

Thank you for the hugs PF, sending some right back. Will be thinking of you and yours while you take some time. xx

Do focus on looking after yourself 3nanny. I'm sorry your lockdown visit to your parents' grave was disappointing, I don't know why they would have done that.

I've been dreaming about my ES much more often lately. For a long time my dreams of him were as a small child, and I would have taken him out for the day and somehow lost him, I would be searching and shouting his name, and wake up with my heart pounding. More recently I've dreamed of him being grown up and us meeting again and hugging then I would wake up and realise it wasn't real and feel sooooo sad. In the last dream he was being a troublesome teenager and although I was being very patient I woke up quite grumpy. No idea what it all means but it feels like some kind of progress from waking in terror.

Thank you hugshelp. It will be good to have somewhere to take flowers. It's a beautiful garden; a lovely place to sit and remember.

Dreams can be upsetting can't they. For about 18 months I would dream about how things used to be with our ES and then when I woke up the next morning, it would take a few moments to remember that we were now estranged.

I often dream about him and he's usually about 8 or 9. If he's in my dreams the age he is now, he looks totally different but I know it's him, if that makes any sense.

Hugshelp and Smileless2012 I found your dreams about your sons to be interesting mainly because I have had interests about dreams and folklore also psychic ability. I must have a look in one of my dream books later and see what they say about dreaming about a family member.

I do not often have many dreams (at least not ones I remember) and it has been a long time since I remember having a dream about any family member.
It is strange you have brought up dreams though because three nights ago as I slept vividly and loud enough to rouse me from sleep I heard three doggie cries, so assuming one of the dogs needed to go outside for a wee I pulled myself up from the bed. My dog that always sleeps upstairs near me was stretched out and snoring (much different noise from a cry) so quietly I went downstairs to check if it was the other dog and she hardly ever goes out during the night,
she was curled up in her special chair and snoring loudly.
I was a bit taken aback and as there are no dogs too close nearby where I could have heard that cry I wondered what had woken me. I went back to bed and fell asleep and the next day I was thinking about the dream it was so unusual.

I'd be very interested to know what you can find out 3nanny.

Jungian therists believe dreams are our way of making sense of our waking life.

My dreams have always been quite literal like me I suppose. I used to dream my mum was in my house being cruel and refusing to leave or that she scratched my face and laughed. Over time they shifted to her just being in the house and all of us just carrying on like she wasn't there.. I haven't had one for a while. Maybe that's my mind healing.

I'd be interested to know what you make of it too 3nanny

Hope that means you're letting go of some negative stuff star

Yes that's right Iam and for Freud it was how the sub conscious deals with what may be 'hidden' that we are unaware of in our awake/conscious state of mind.

Just got home from the groomers with our dogs and oh boy they look soooo beautiful. She's so clever I don't know how she does it.

They're both curled up asleep now, well it's hard work being made beautiful isn't it.

My AC at uni, others in his residence are isolating and now they are starting to not feel well.

I haven't really told anyone because, we don't get to see people these days and it doesn't feel like a right thing to tell people who care about them in type, especially when I don't know if they have it. So I'm just sitting on it in my head with nowhere to go.

I sent money last week because, I thought it would be a good idea to have extra food supplies just incase. I sent multivitamins. That's all I can do. I can't visit or do anything else useful.

Chances are everything will be absolutely fine. May not even have it, may be totally mild but I can't help worrying.

We always talk about, these babies don't come with an instruction manual. I'm not sure anyone needs one. All they want from the moment they are born is love. Nothing bad comes to children from unconditional love.

Oh dear, Mr. S.'s face was a picture when he came home having been to our new vets to pick up some dog food and medication for fleas, worms and ticks.

We had to change vets because the other practice which was great, was changing their 24/7 emergency care to another practice an hour and 45 minute car journey away.

When I re registered I was told they didn't do the healthy pet plan we'd had with the others which included all the aforementioned medication and annual check ups and vaccinations.

So, for one tray of dog food and treatment for 3 months, the bill came to £132.14. Mr. S. came home with the food and no medication.

All sorted, I 'phoned them and yes they do provide the healthy pet plan so someone will ring tomorrow so I can set it up, and then re order the medication.

Mr. S. said "well why didn't they explain that to me" so I said knowing what the look on his face would have been, they probably thought it was better to just get you to pay for the food so they could make a quick exit.

starblaze that sounds very stressful! You’ve done all you can though.

Goodness Smileless that must have been a shock to him!

It was Summerlove, it would have been an even bigger shock if I'd gone to pick them up because I'd have thought I have to have it so more than likely would have paid.

Hi all and hope you are all well, Smileless2012 and Hugshelp
just letting you know that I will find where I have stored my dream books and get them out over the weekend. I will look up what it says about dreams in regard of sons. Smileless you are right about Freud and his beliefs, I have some of his books also which were reading material on the counselling course I done quite a few years ago, in fact to me the good old days before I then had some counselling myself for the
difficult time with my daughter.

On a more cheerful note I also have been sorting out the dogs medication, and my three week supply of meds my diabetic dog needs has just been delivered. That costs £28 so not too bad as I order it online after my vet gives me a prescription. If I bought it off the vet it would be £52 as the vets are expensive due to their overheads. I am just grateful for the online service without that I could not keep going.
Bought their food and flea/worming treatment at Pets at home so that will keep them going for now.
It is costly to keep pets and with one that needs continuous medication the bill keeps going but they are my babies and lifeline and when pain and hurt can sometimes overwhelm they keep me grounded and strong as they need attention everyday.

Mr. S. mentioned getting our dogs medication on line but I just assumed our vet would charge us for the prescription we'd need does your vet charge 3nanny and do you need a new prescription every time you order?

I studied Freud quite a few years ago when I was researching psychology and psychoanalysis for my degree in social sciences. It's a fascinating subject and although there's a lot of criticism now about his findings and how he carried out his research, he was the first to recognise not just the 'existence' of the sub conscious but also its effects.

I got rid of all my work and reference books when we moved but have thought about dipping into the subject again to refresh my memory and give my brain something to think about.

I think you may have wet my appetite 3nanny.

It's hard not to fret Star - hope you soon hear that all is well.

Oh poor Mr S smiles! Glad you'll soon have it all sorted though.

Thanks 3nanny I'm fair to middlin as we say in these parts. Hope you're ok.

Oh I love that saying "fair to middlin" hugshelp.

Morning all

Nice to see it's all settled down on here and everything is pleasant again.

I follow the 'Healthy Dog' system. I put a little fresh garlic in my dogs food for fleas, worms etc, as the chemicals are also poison to the dogs not just to fleas & worms. Also after the initial inoculations, no more are needed. I bought a vaccine & check up for life for my previous doggie, sometimes when I went to get the vaccine done the vet would say Oh, she doesn't need to keep having these I then read that the vets do this only to make a profit!

I also got my meds [for my last dog] online, so much cheaper! You do pay for the prescription, but it last 6mths. It's called 'Medivet'.

As for dreams, you can analyse them yourself, I do.