An Estranged Parent said -- "This is something I have always thought about and really haven’t a clue as to the answer. I know that we all love with a different depth of capacity. How can our EC turn their backs on the very people who raised them and not give a hoot if they are dead or alive? Can they really love their spouses, their children? Are they capable of feeling love for anyone. In my case, I know with certainty that my ES loves his children, but in my heart I know he married someone who is very damaged even more so than he is and I think in order for his own survival, he in his mind pretends that all is well."
The first question in that is, "How can our EC turn their backs on the very people who raised them and not give a hoot if they are dead or alive?" My reply, "I guess it depends on how YOU raised them."
Next question -- "Can they really love their spouses, their children?" My reply, "Yes. Just because I got healthier mentally and stopped providing supply/'love' to my mom doesn't make me incapable of finding healthy love with my husband or children." The mentality of "If you don't/can't 'love' ME, you can't truly love anyone." is FFS at best.
Last question -- "Are they capable of feeling love for anyone. In my case, I know with certainty that my ES loves his children..." This statement should speak for itself...
Smileless -- He said that in the first 15 seconds of the video...
"I didn't watch all of it, what little I listened too was enough for me." So not even 15 seconds? Judging something that you didn't watch... Fascinating and exactly part of what he talks about in the video.
Yes that's true which is why we should always be thankful for those we have in our lives who really love us and are our true friends.
We can only measure ourselves against the real love and friendships that surround us
Don't put words in my mouth HolyHannah you've quoted what I posted and then accuse me of saying he was "trolling here" putting those words in quotation marks when I never used them.
So the link was "SENT TO HIM" from one of his viewers was it. I didn't watch all of it, what little I listened too was enough for me.
Of course you prefer to judge for yourself Starblaze; we all do. I agree that "Being an estranged child is not and never has been a measure of how good a person is". Likewise, being an EP isn't and never has been a measure of how bad a person is.
Smileless I'm lost again. I don't have a clue what I am supposed to look at. I prefer to judge for myself though anyway and I haven't watched the whole video yet.
Being an estranged child is not and never has been a measure of how good a person is, so if it is important to you to discredit him, it's probably wasted on me. I absolutely know some estranged children become abusive and some abused children become abusive, that's what the abuse cycle is. Perpetuating the cycle doesn't mean you are wrong about your own upbringing though...
Smileless -- If you watch the video at all he says very clearly that the link was SENT TO HIM from one of his viewers. Again you are twisting the narrative. You say what he was doing was "trolling here" but that is not what happened. Kinda proves his point though....
"I wonder what on earth made him think he would find some 'useful material' here on GN. Not the first place I'd go too to find out about EP's experiences, especially if I lived in America."
You make what he did sound nefarious when that isn't even close to the facts.
I didn't put it on as a link just the info you'd need to access the site Starblaze. It's where people have been putting their comments about him.
I'd never come across him before either thank goodness, and certainly wont be looking at anything else from him in the future.
I think he describes how I felt very well youtu.be/S_mYr6hRBsg
Smileless, its your redit link that won't work for me. Takes me to a Spanish website front page. I've never come across this guy before, I don't know enough without watching more videos etc which I probably don't have time for. I am a big fan of Narcissism Survivor though, when he talks he makes me feel like he cares
Summer of spiders!!! They're everywhere! I'm about to do a Sandra Bullock/Betty White woodland chant!
A parent might provide what they think is a loving environment and yet a child's individual needs and desires aren't met- That's not on the child- And when that child expresses themselves regarding the environment they are met with defensiveness-
So what it boils down to is that the parent only sees what they desired to provide and did according to them and are unwilling to submit their position long enough to listen, to understand and "see"-
It takes less effort to lay your position aside, listen, understand and see than it does to discuss the matter with other family and friends to reinforce your parental position in order to make the child appear wrong -- which isn't loving at all-
What do you mean Starblaze it's precisely what HolyHannah referred too and she isn't saying it's the wrong link!!!
No you made that clear that you think he's correct on other subjects HolyHannah when you asked Starblaze if she noticed some of the key things you agreed with him on.
Personally I wouldn't want to be seen being in agreement with such an unpleasant character on any subject, but each to their own.
I wonder what on earth made him think he would find some 'useful material' here on GN. Not the first place I'd go too to find out about EP's experiences, especially if I lived in America.
He has issues with his own parents and uses that as a platform to publicly decry them and it seems all EP's, regardless of the reality of their situations and to make money.
www.redit.com makes for very disturbing and unpleasant reading but as I've said; each to their own.
Ok -- I take back my last post... Definitely not his wife. His wife is black though so how he feels about race relations in his country is his business. Just because I don't believe in his politics etc. doesn't mean he isn't correct on others subjects.
Not sure that was the right link Smileless. I haven't watched the whole thing yet but I must agree that there were a lot of comments on that thread I found deeply upsetting and I do agree that If cutting out toxic people is a cult, fine I am in a cult lol. Although, as I've preciously said, I estranged before hearing or knowing about any of the language etc. Finding out afterwards that I was very far from alone and that there are other estranged children that understand what I went through was a huge comfort to me.
"There are some rather unpleasant posts on his FB page including a very over weight black woman, wearing a mask and a 'T' shirt with the words 'I can't breath'. This odious and IMO rather disturbed man's comment is "no shit....."."
Yeah, it's probably a picture of his wife...
This is the picture clearly showing the Gransnet site and a particular thread on the estrangement forum, referred to in my post.
Well I didn't expect to see the backdrop to his 'rant', a photograph consisting of the Gransnet site and a thread that was on the estrangement forum 'The brain washing behind going non contact'.
Ollie Mathews it appears, trawls sites used by EP's to talk about their experiences to further his own agenda. This is worth a look. www.redit.com .
Apparently he is accused of degrading and humiliating those he claims to help.
There are some rather unpleasant posts on his FB page including a very over weight black woman, wearing a mask and a 'T' shirt with the words 'I can't breath'. This odious and IMO rather disturbed man's comment is "no shit.....".
A very unsavoury character it seems. Picture to follow.
Starblaze -- Not that I am aware of. He has a 'few' videos... I will continue to sift. Did you notice some key things he and I agreed on? Think 4 legs... LOL
Woah, did not expect that Holyhannah has he made any more about erm, this particular subject?
Starblaze -- People who say, "Get over 'it'." exhibit their emotional mind-set like a flashing beacon. There are a lot of those type of statements to be had. It goes to the similar vein of, "Since you are over 'it', stop talking about it."
If you want a good breakdown on how some people can see through abusers and their language go to YT and look for The Narcissistic Resistance -- The Jig is Up. I'd post the an actual link but I am SURE some here would ask for it to be removed. Heavy Caution -- the video is profanity filled...
P.S. If EP's want to see what an angry, abused AC "sounds like" his video is a prime example. No one should say I sound 'angry' if they watch him. I agree 100% with him but 'delicate' is not his forte...
I know what you mean, you have to experience something to know how much work and effort goes into just trying to 'get over it'. My other pet hate is 'life's too short'.
People who say "get over it". I don't think they have any understanding of the work that has to go into getting over it and that healing and personal growth isn't quantifiable, there are no goal posts
I thought that was who you meant because you'd posted how cross you get and understandably so, when people say you should "get over it". Who were you referring too?
I didn't mention estranged children Smileless
What have you seen in other EAC that made you think they had "false confidence and high self-esteem needed to decide (they are) over it and perfect the way (they are)" Starblaze?
No one ever gets over it do they, but I think some manage to live with it more productively than others.
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