Trigger Warning - Could upset some people
Just got off the phone with my mum. I feel sick to my stomach but I managed to get a lot of things off my chest. I didn't like that she cried though.
Basically she went on about how much we hurt them. I said I was willing to move forward but we had to know that there would be no more nastiness, name-calling, silent treatments or favouritism amongst the grandkids. She said that wasn't happening. We hurt them too much by taking the grandkids away from them.
Note I never took the grandkids away from them, I stopped them babysitting. They still saw the kids / spent the day with the kids twice a week up until 18 months ago. They stopped spending time with the kids and said they didn't want to go out because oldest son was starting kinder and they had a special bond with him.
I explained some incidents that led to us not trusting them watch the boys. For every single dang incident she had an excuse or a reason. They were in the right to hold my autistic 2 year against the toilet when I said no, and hubby asked them no less than 5 times to let him go. They were in the right when I asked them to maybe just give 12 month old hotdogs on occasions not every day and they told me I was full of s* and ignored me. They were in the right when they physically pushed the grandkids away from them because they were angry at my husband. Their feelings were hurt. I pretty much said if you actually think those situations were right, then there really isn't much more to say. They had an excuse for everything or they completely denied that it ever happened.
The worst one, I brought up that I told them when I was 3 that I was being molested. They threatened the person but continued to allow me around them unsupervised. He continued to molest me. I said all of this and my mum said it was my fault for not telling them that it was still happening. She also said that the police wouldn't have done anything because he was 15 and I was 3.
I pointed out that if they will only have anything to do with the grandkids if they can babysit them, then we have nothing more to say. I cannot ever trust them to be around them alone, supervised was okay (public place only) as long as no nastiness (impossible most likely).
They keep making out that they were wonderful parents / grandparents and that I'M the monster. The only reason she could say for this was not letting them babysit.
Why can't they see how nasty they are? I still feel bad for them which is ridiculous and probably a result of conditioning. I grew up being told that everyone was against them and that everyone else was bad.
So now I get to withstand the constant phone calls and harassment again. She just wants me to crawl to my dad and 'give him' the kids and then she said they might be able to treat me nicely.
Argh I haven't blocked her number yet, mostly because I'm scared of them showing up at my door. They live 10 minutes away. (I have panic attacks related to the domestic violence from my childhood). I wish I could move and never see them again.
Any advice for coping with the guilt and moving forward with my life? Does it get easier?
I'm also sad because this means that I will have no contact with some extended family that I care about.
Received 2 nasty phone calls while typing this out lol
Ironflower Thu 04-Jun-20 04:54:24
Pantglas2 Thu 04-Jun-20 06:12:10
Grandad1943 Thu 04-Jun-20 08:02:58
Marydoll Thu 04-Jun-20 08:10:14
Grannyjay Thu 04-Jun-20 08:23:25
Ironflower Thu 04-Jun-20 08:39:07
Grandad1943 Thu 04-Jun-20 08:56:04
Smileless2012 Thu 04-Jun-20 09:19:44
Starblaze Thu 04-Jun-20 09:25:15
Ironflower Thu 04-Jun-20 10:23:38
Summerlove Mon 08-Jun-20 19:50:55
rosenoir Mon 08-Jun-20 20:27:59
Smileless2012 Tue 09-Jun-20 08:58:12