Hope For Estranged Grandparents

You are very lucky as in New Zealand grandparents have no legal rights to access and its very cruel.

Thank you MoD

My parents getting unsupervised visitation is my worst nightmare. Facing the choice of defying a court order or handing my nonverbal children over to adults that physically (my brothers at least), sexually and emotionally abused me

I didn’t want to read and run Ironflower.

What a horrific situation to be in. All the talk of being sent to prison if you don’t hand your children over can’t help.

I would reiterate that you should get some legal advice to see where you stand if your parents were to seek a contact order. Hopefully it remains a threat and they don’t follow through.

If courts were perfect, it wouldn't be as much of an issue. However courts aren't perfect They can't know everything. Just looking at whether the child will be abused or not isn't enough. Parents should get to decide when children start solids, how to potty train, where and how they sleep. The court doesn't even look at these.

My parents getting unsupervised visitation is my worst nightmare. Facing the choice of defying a court order or handing my nonverbal children over to adults that physically (my brothers at least), sexually and emotionally abused me.

I am now going to leave this thread because of the number of posters who are reporting my posts and having them deleted. I don’t care that my posts are being reported, I just really, really don’t want this thread to end up being deleted, so I am bowing out. I guess that is what happens when you advocate against traumatising children on an estranged parent’s board.

I want this thread to remain as a warning. A warning to all parents to really think about the people they allow into their child’s life.

Apparently, making decisions on behalf of your child that a grandparent disagrees with is “unreasonable” of you. Said grandparent will then force you to be reasonable using the courts. If you still refuse to be reasonable, they will then use the police in order to make you comply. If you still don’t do as you are told, then off to prison for you!

Do not allow yourself to be bullied by threats of court, the police or prison. They are grasping at straws because they have no control.

Here’s the truth: you are responsible to your child and you determine what is in their best interests. Trust your instincts. The courts respect you as the decision maker for your child, even if the grandparent doesn’t.

Keep your children safe. Keep your children secure.

Cut them out.

Ironflower thank you for the best contribution this thread has had in about 10 pages.

This is the comment which prompted the discussion:

if a parent subverts the court order then the police can be called to enforce it. I know of a case where that happened. If they continue to do so it goes back to the court which imposes penalties and if the parent continues it is Contempt of Court which can result in a custodial sentence. Now that really would affect the child!

Reading that last line was horrifying and even more so now that you have described the effects that having an imprisoned parent has on the child.

It is certainly not in the best interests of the child and it upsets me greatly to think of a child in that situation, the huge burden they require to carry and the trauma caused by being separated from their parent.

If you think its a good idea that your grandchild spend their weekends visiting their parent in prison then you may just be a toxic grandparent

I couldn’t agree more. Although I would replace “you may just be a toxic grandparent” with “you are a toxic grandparent”.

Wrong grammar lol, I've worked in a prison with children of incarcerated parents.

It IS a possibility. It hasn't yet happened in the UK, but it HAS happened in other countries. Parents have been jailed for not following grandparents visitation rights. Here is one such case: kddk.com/not-childs-play-mom-to-serve-jail-time-pay-attorney-fees-for-violating-grandparent-visitation-order/

If you're an EP and you think its a great idea, then you don't have your grandchild's best interests at heart.

I've worked in a prison with children of custodial parents. The children have high rates of low self esteem, anger issues and depression. They are frequently bullied at school about it. This is NOT in the best interests of the child, If you think its a good idea that your grandchild spend their weekends visiting their parent in prison then you may just be a toxic grandparent

HolyHannah Yes, how could I forget! I’ve been so distracted over on this thread. Thanks for the reminder!

MoD -- I think you might be thinking of the "No Contact" thread... That's where the really enlightening stuff is.

Already done that and still have no idea what you're talking about Motherofdragons and now I really am going to bed

?✌️

Lol

Already done that and still have no idea what you're talking about Motherofdragons and now I really am going to bed

OK Smileless

Sleep well

Perhaps tomorrow then Motherofdragons. You posted that I dug myself into a hole on the perception thread, having made that claim I would like to see you substantiate it. Tomorrow will be fine

I’m not substantiating anything! It’s very clear from the thread, feel free to go back and read it to refresh your memory. But I know you don’t need to.

Oh I do Starblaze and goodness knows I need one.

Off to bed now

Because I forgot you don't have a sense of humour Smileless

Why suggest it then?

Completely up to MoD a judge would dismiss you.

Why don't you think she will without one Starblaze?

Maybe you could court order MoD to substantiate it Smileless

Perhaps tomorrow then Motherofdragons. You posted that I dug myself into a hole on the perception thread, having made that claim I would like to see you substantiate it. Tomorrow will be fine.

But you're not having to argue against traumatising children with posters on this thread are you Motherofdragons. No one here is advocating children being traumatised or condoning those who do traumatise children.

We should try and be careful of what we say and having seen a couple of your posts deleted today, I can understand why you may be worried about further deletions

The only thing that worries me about my deleted posts is that no one will ever know what they said. And I want people to know what they said.

Actually I don't know so perhaps you'd like to explain it to me Motherofdragons

There’s a lot you claim not to know Smileless!

But as I said, not tonight.

MotherofDragons you are pationately defending children and that is right and just. They are arguing because thats just the sort of people they are and they don't care how bad they look because they are backing each other up and egging each other on, and enjoying it

Thank you Star.

Can you believe I’m having to argue against traumatising children. And what’s worse, there are actually people on the other side of that argument.

Only on an estranged parent’s board.