Hope For Estranged Grandparents

All I can say is thank goodness estranged parents can't go to court to gain access to their adult children.

You are hereby ordered to attend the home of your mother from 8am till 6pm on the first and third Saturday of the month.

All social engagements, work commitments or clubs that fall on those days must be cancelled and future commitments cannot be made. You may book no holidays during that time frame.

In the event of illness or failing to attend the session due to not wanting to go, your parent may petition the court to have you found in breech of court order. Someone you care about may be given fines or custodial sentence.

Ironflower Sun 21-Jun-20 00:03:06 sorry about your and others' personal stories, they sound horrible. However, this thread is about principles and I am sure not one of the posters thinks that abusive parents should be allowed to abuse the GC.

MissAdventure Sun 21-Jun-20 01:30:42 good to have an objective view on all of this.

rosecarmel Sun 21-Jun-20 03:32:53 not in the UK. We have a process which does it's best to prevent this.

HolyHannah Sun 21-Jun-20 03:57:02 that's why we have Family Courts in the UK

Nonnie I’m not even going to respond to you as I have done previously. However I stand by exactly what I said to you (my comment which was deleted). I don’t care if you found it offensive. I find you and your ignorant ramblings offensive. And your insinuation that I am answerable to a higher authority. You are obsessed with a higher authority telling parents of minor children what to do, aren’t you? Very authoritarian of you.

What I will say is to anyone estranged from their grandchildren and reading this - please do not get your hopes up on the basis of Nonnie’s posts. Speak to a lawyer who will inform you of the criteria which requires to be met before the court will even allow you to apply for a Contact Order. The burden of proof is high. The courts are not there to make your children be “reasonable”. They are there to act within the current legal framework, so if you do not have an established relationship with your grandchild, or have never met your grandchild, then you will not be granted leave to apply to the court for a Contact Order. The details of the case in question on this thread are unknown and so it cannot be used as an example or to give hope to estranged grandparents.

And thank goodness that EAC can't go to court because they decide they want access to their parents. That said in either case, who would want too!

If any EGP has been given hope from this thread, it will be because of OP's success. A GP has successfully been awarded contact with her GC.

The details don't have to be known, the success of the OP speaks for itself.

Yes, I finally caught up!

I think we need to separate out what happens in different countries on this thread because it is confusing to each of us when we read about what happens elsewhere.

I also think we need to understand the awful situations some are/have been in while acknowledging that not all parents are badly motivated and not all cut off GPs have been removed from children's lives for good reason.

Imagine a couple from different cultures who split up. Would it be right that the parent who has the care of the child prevents the family from the other culture seeing the children because they come from a different culture? I don't think so, I think children should know their backgrounds wherever they come from.

It was not what happened in the case I referred to, 2 policemen came after a call to 101 and they stayed long enough to make the parent be reasonable. Star you have a very strange interpretation of 'scare tactics' and a very selective memory. I stated a fact, not a law, it happened, I was there!

Well, if you were there, then what is it that happened Nonnie? Did the police enforce the contact order or not? I mean, they couldn’t have done, as they do not have the authority to do so. So how did they make the parent be “reasonable”? They are the police, not the Mafia!

The criteria has been discussed at great length.

The courts "are there to act within the current legal framework"; at last the message is getting through.

Nonnie has already explained that the police responded to a 101 call and stayed with the parents long enough to make them see sense.

It would be helpful if people actually read the posts before responding.

"be reasonable" not see sense.

The courts "are there to act within the current legal framework"; at last the message is getting through

I am perfectly aware of the criteria which requires to be met and the legislation in question. That is why I have repeatedly said that the courts are not there to police parental decisions. The legislation is there for a reason. The success rates are low for the same reason.

Perhaps you should work on getting the “message” through to Nonnie who seems to think that the courts are there to make decisions based on the parents being “unreasonable” as opposed to the grandparents actually meeting the criteria to satisfy a Contact Order.

Smileless I agree, that would not make any sense. Thee vast majority of the time it is the children doing the etranging.

Nonnie has already explained that the police responded to a 101 call and stayed with the parents long enough to make them see sense

It would be helpful if people actually read the posts before responding

Let me help you with that Smileless.

Nonnie said:

Smile if a parent subverts the court order then the police can be called to enforce it. I know of a case where that happened

And then she said:

It was not what happened in the case I referred to, 2 policemen came after a call to 101 and they stayed long enough to make the parent be reasonable

So I asked her to clarify what actually happened as her two statements are contradictory. What part didn’t I read?

Perhaps you should work on digesting what Nonnie is saying. Neither she nor anyone else has said "the courts are there to make decisions based on the parents being unreasonable".

It's been said on numerous occasions that the courts are there to make decisions based on what's best for the children, and those decisions take into account the child's welfare and their right to know their extended family.

She did clarify, she said the police can be called to enforce a court order. She knows of a case where that happened. Two policemen responded to the call and managed to get the parents to be reasonable so presumably there was no need for the order to be enforced.

She did clarify, she said the police can be called to enforce a court order. She knows of a case where that happened. Two policemen responded to the call and managed to get the parents to be reasonable so presumably there was no need for the order to be enforced

Perhaps you should work on digesting what I am saying.

The police CAN’T be called to enforce a contact order in the U.K. So Nonnie CAN’T know of a case where it happened.

I too would like to hear from Nonnie if the story has further embellishments

You can apply back to the court if someone repeatedly breaches the order, and the police can then be involved.

A court order would be pretty pointless if nobody could enforce it.

You can apply back to the court if someone repeatedly breaches the order, and the police can then be involved

Yes, the point being that you need to apply back to the court for approval to have it enforced. Sounds good in theory but Bibbity put it perfectly:

*Yes. They can. But Realistically they don’t.
They don’t do it for parents. They would never do it for GPs*

A court order would be pretty pointless if nobody could enforce it

That is exactly the reason so many parents feel let down by the family court system. Because the order is not enforced for them.

Maybe Nonnie will fill us in further information/details.

I don't think using the term embellishment is appropriate Starblaze as that suggests that "a detail especially one that is untrue, is added to a statement or story to make it more interesting". Was it your intention to suggest that this is what Nonnie does?

Yes definitely in regard to this story.

For someone so sensitive about what you perceive is said to you, you sure don't mind dishing it out, starblaze

I think the bar was already set pretty low MissA and not by me. I'm only being honest, I think the story has been embellished. That's not the same as calling someone a total liar or telling someone that perhaps they are the problem or any of the other passive aggressive nonsense that goes on.

I would like to know how it can be workable without upsetting the children. I would not pursue it. Being a grandparent is wonderful, I know that, but not if the relationship with the parents is acrimonious as I think once the courts are involved it scuppers any chance of reconnecting with estranged child. That’s just my opinion of course, but I wouldn’t have my children hurt if I could avoid it.

Starblaze "I'm only being an honest" so it's OK for you to be honest but it's not OK for someone to give an honest answer to a question, you asked three times in one post.