Hope For Estranged Grandparents

Wow.

If you remember Smileless I defended you on that particular scenario recently, or at least tried to give you a softer landing.

Not trying to prove anything really. I don't like people to judge me based on others opinions of me, I would extend that to anyone else.

We are in the estrangement threads, I have (unfortunately) been estranged for a very long time. I know where I am, I choose to reply to certain subjects. Some people ask me questions and sometimes I answer them patiently and sometimes I don't. If a thread subject comes up that I don't want to be asked about, I simply wouldn't share any of my situation on it in the first place.

Why would we bother to be on the estrangement threads at all if not for occasionally needing support to heal or to work out how we can potentially fix those past issues. That may mean reconsiliation and forgiveness or it may mean letting that relationship go but growing as a person.

The enlightenment of past threads?

Not a lot has changed around here for a long time. The same old opinions, the same old arguments the same old formula between estranged parents and estranged children.
For the most part,estranged children just aren't wanted here (see my recent comment on the subject).

Its a shame.

You often say that Starblaze "that for the most part estranged children just aren't wanted here" and it simply isn't true.

It's what is said that is important, whether it's said by an EAC, EP or EGP, if someone finds it upsetting, unpleasant or just rude, it's the language that is used that is sometimes 'not wanted', not the person using the language.

"The enlightenment of past threads?". It was you posted, that you were reading past threads that had been recommended to you and that you were finding them enlightening, are you not finding them enlightening then?

It struck me as rather an odd thing to say when nothing else was added, as if it was intended to put people on edge, be a little wary of what they might have posted before.

It's happened before and even as recently as this month on June 6th @ 4.32 page 12 of the 'Perception Filter' thread, HolyHannah began re posting posts of mine to try to 'prove' that my story over the years has changed, when of course it hasn't.

It's an unpleasant experience and perhaps made me more aware of the possibility than other GN's. I think it was you who posted very recently about being 'once bitten twice shy' and it's quite true.

This thread has been a farce, a real farce of arguing at cross purposes. Not saying I'm innocent of that.

It didn't start that way, it deteriorated.

I now realise that dynamic will never change here. Its constant. Its a shame.

Yes I've seen other things in the threads I've read, that's not my problem though. I don't understand but it makes no difference to me really.

Maybe it should matter to you though. Maybe it would help you move forward.

Maybe it would help you move forward.

The irony of this statement is quite staggering.

Things aren't true because you want them to be Chewbacca

No sweetie, they're not, but are you honestly stating that you, unlike Smileless, have moved forward? Hmmm? Because that's definitely not what you've been saying on these threads for quite some time now, is it?

I don't think you know me well enough to judge Chewbacca you just show up like a furry sidekick and savage ankles

None of us know you; we only know what you tell us and that's been fairly consistent throughout, and that's what I've based my opinion on.

Your analogy of me is possibly correct but then again, I don't think you know me well enough to judge.

Chewbacca there's no rude implication to "moving forward" it's just like personal growth or healing. Something we should all aspire to. Doesn't have to be constant. Just as and when. I've only been here a year and I actually have taken away a great deal from many discussions.

You can keep throwing handgrenades but I have my tennis racket

I'm throwing grenades? It was you who said you just show up like a furry sidekick and savage ankles. Hardly a conciliatory comment was it? You can give it out Starblaze but like others have pointed out to you in the past, you're unable to take it on the chin when it come right back at you. You either deny what you said, or you claim that you're misunderstood or you claim some kind of immunity for being called out on the way you speak to people. And when those fail, you just get personal.

You and I are both EAC and yet I've come so much further than you in moving on with my life and not letting it define me. I do sincerely hope that, at some point, you can too.

Smileless -- Your 'story' has gone from it's 100% your DiL's "fault" you are estranged from your son, to the truth that there was NO abuse until after your son estranged.

That's a pretty massive shift and to say it isn't is just trying to gas-light people.

Chewbacca I'm fine, what do you think I'm doing? Sitting here crying? Don't be ridiculous.

Yes, I think pretty much that.

Chewbacca I tend to defend myself with jokes, for example, What do you call a man buried in the swamp?

You and others like you use serious abuse done to me as a small innocent child against me.

Which of us is more healed again?

Chewbacca -- "I've come so much further than you in moving on with my life and not letting it define me."

With a judging, superiority mind-set like that, maybe you aren't as emotionally healthy as you claim to be...

You and others like you use serious abuse done to me as a small innocent child against me

And that one single comment has proved my earlier post perfectly. Thank you.

Maybe HolyHannah but like Starblaze said earlier I don't think you know me well enough to judge.

No it hasn't HolyHannah and I am not going to rise to your pathetic, repeated and tedious attempts to gas light me.

Earlier on this thread you had the arrogance not only to assume you knew the content of the email we received from our now ES son, you even posted what that content would have been.

I responded and you do what you do most of time, you ignored my response. You ignored it because it doesn't fit with what you so desperately want to prove, that my truthful account of our estrangement is a lie.

Believe what you like, carry on with your pointless crusade to undermine me and 'prove' I'm a liar. You are not discrediting me, you are not succeeding in your attempts to intimidate me.

What you are doing is demonstrating time and again that there are GN's who can have a sensible discussion about estrangement, that there are some who can respectfully disagree and do not need to resort to personal insults and character assassinations. Above all HolyHannah you demonstrate that you are not one of those.

Chewbacca -- And yet you DID "judge" by saying, "I've come so much further than you in moving on..." So when actions and words don't meet which should I believe? That you are 'more healed' then some or that you are judging and acting superior due to your 'success' at healing?

Right.

which should I believe? I don't give much of a shiny shit what you believe HolyHannah and to be fair, I'd consider myself really screwed up if you claimed to understand me! I no longer feel the need to spill my guts to a publicly accessible online confessional booth; seeking approbation and affirmation from random souls who are equally as damaged and haunted by a past. But I appreciate that, for you, its still a necessary crutch to lean on until you can reach that part in your life where you no longer need to keep revising your past. But don't let it take over your life HolyHannah; don't let it be the one thing that makes you "you". I'm fairly sure there's more to you than that.

No need to get mad and insult everyone here Chewbacca

I'm not getting mad at all Starblaze! Why would I be? And why do you feel insulted? I haven't referred to you, or anyone else in a derogatory way, for example, I've not referred to anyone as furry sidekick etc, have I? And I haven't mentioned you by name for a while now so which of my posts do you feel personally identified with?

Chewbacca your namesake is in fact a furry sidekick.

Please calm down