Is 'No Contact' abuse?

Good advice for those who need it.

Smileless2012

You really should try and take on board the advice you give to others VS.

Well, at least that is one way of acknowledging it was good advice I suppose

You really should try and take on board the advice you give to others VS.

Smileless it never has to be an argument, that's not what these threads are for and when people are coming to you with their own perspective, if you can view that as important and meaningful to them, then perhaps we could have a healthy discussion

We would have a better experience if you didn't do it and continue to deny it.

Smileless I haven't twisted anything...

And no one is saying that except you... Maybe if you stop thinking that way, we would both have a better experience here

So what if I have argued against your reply. That does not give you the right to twist what I have said and certainly doesn't give anyone the right to accuse me of down playing abuse, and weaponising and misusing the term abuse.

Perhaps we wouldn't be here if there wasn't an assumption from some that EP's are always the villain and can never be a victim.

Smileless but it was said on this thread, it is only that you have continued to argue against my reply, if you hadn't, we would not be here

There's no point in continuing this discussion VS.

You can't even do so with me based on what I have said, but prefer to twist my saying that if an EP has experienced their estrangement as abuse they're entitled to say so, into the act of estrangement being in itself abuse.

But it is not abuse Smileless it is an end to abuse

Hurtful but not abuse

As someone who has experienced has experienced abuse too, you should know that

If an adult child was abusive and stopped contact, let them go, experience it as a positive, abusive people never change no matter how often you tell them they are hurting you

Smileless

The thread speaks for itself, I don't need to defend my point at all really

I have not said that the act of estrangement is in itself an abusive act VS. I have said that if an EP has experienced their estrangement as abuse, they have the right to say so.

I stand by the responses I have made to the recent posts on this thread. The posts I have responded too speak for themselves and if you don't need to lift yourselves up at the expense of others because you ended the relationships, it might be an idea to stop doing so.

Smileless

Talking about our own experiences and what we deem either abusive or not abusive or fundamentally wrong in relationships is not an attack on anyone...

And we have no need to lift ourselves up at anyone else's expense because we are the ones who ended the relationship... There is politely nothing to gain there

For anyone to ever insist that estranging a parent is an act of abuse is entirely wrong on so many levels

You can tell me your adult child was abusive and how and I will always believe you, you can say that your child cut you off to punish and hurt you and I will believe you

But if you try to say the act of estrangement is in itself an abusive act I will tell you exactly why that is incredibly harmful and wrong to so many people...

And that is why we are seeing the reactions we are getting...

Perhaps you should have been clearer then VS. That said the desire from the posts on this page to attempt to make EP's feel bad about themselves, or to push them down so others can lift themselves up, is clear to see.

Actually, it was someone else's feelings I responded too Smileless

I responded with validation that acknowledged I could see why they felt that way and perhaps a reason for it that actually may not be intentional but is clearly happening here

Up to you what you do with that of course but I am saying it neither with anger or rudeness

Yes we do VS and maybe you should try it. I am talking about my experience and doing so without trying to minimise the experiences of others. It's a pity you cant do the same.

I have never had the desire, or felt the need to try and make anyone who has estranged feel bad about themselves, and it's not a good look when those who have estranged attempt to do so to the EP's on this forum.

We all have the opportunity to self reflect on how our own comments impact others Smileless and why they respond the way they do, in this case, that peoples own experience and feelings were being minimised

You chose to ignore that and focus on your own feelings instead

I don't need you or anyone else to tell be about true abuse victims Feverjo because I am an abuse survivor, and as one User I certainly wouldn't misuse and weaponize the term.

Not at all VS. Why on earth would I as an adult who has experienced abuse feel the need to push other abuse victims down to lift myself up.

It's a ridiculous thing to say especially as you know I have also been abused because I've posted about it before here in GN.

Rather a sad thing to do really .

The experiences of abuse victims is definitely not a concern around here. That much is clear. A lot of language about abuse is misused and weaponized.

And well said feverjo.

I think it isn't really about adult children who have experienced abuse and more about some sort of need to push us down to lift themselves up... It's not healthy

Smileless2012

^Everyone has a right to 'say' a thing. That doesn't make it true or right to do so^. I totally agree with you Feverjo so saying that no EP's experience of their estrangement is abuse, or they don't have the right to say so, doesn't make it true does it.

It's good that we are in agreement .

Oh we don't agree at all and neither would any true victim of abuse agree with you. I don't think it's in the least bit "smile-worthy" to degrade abuse victims experiences by comparing it to what amounts to a break up between adults. I find that shameful.

Treat yourself to something really nice Bridie; you deserve it and here's a BIG (((hug))) because you deserve that too x

It is Smiles!
Not up to coping with it today, I shall retreat and lick my wounds for now.

Everyone has a right to 'say' a thing. That doesn't make it true or right to do so. I totally agree with you Feverjo so saying that no EP's experience of their estrangement is abuse, or they don't have the right to say so, doesn't make it true does it.

It's good that we are in agreement .

Smileless2012

No one has the right to tell another how they should or should not experience something. If an EP experiences their estrangement as abuse, it is their right to say so.

No one has a right to abuse another. Every adult has a right to end a relationship with another adult. Those two facts are indisputable. How can there ever be confusion on these two points?

Abuse isn't merely a matter of perception. Abuse is a matter of reality. To suggest that abuse can be as subjective as a person's individual reception of it is to downplay the issue of abuse itself. I don't think this is even remotely okay. Everyone has a right to 'say' a thing. That doesn't make it true or right to do so. It's downright insulting and unkind to abuse victims. Not every hardship or bad experience in life can be arbitrarily labeled abuse. Such a distasteful thing to downplay abuse by assigning the accusation to another person exercising their God-given right to walk away from a relationship. If you wouldn't say such a thing to a spouse separating, or someone walking away from a friendship, you don't say such things of a son or daughter walking away from parent. Mischaracterizing any separation between adults in this manner actually highlights such a need for separation imo.