Is 'No Contact' abuse?

Smileless2012

*No contact* is also a term used by parents whose AC have estranged them/gone no contact with them VS, and that does not mean that those EP's who use the term are or were abusive.

Sorry, you have lost me there...

Why would using the term "No contact" be abusive?

Do you mean that a child has said "I am going No Contact with you" has been said directly to them?

Either way, I have just agreed withFeverjo that it should not be a term used just for that purpose and think that anyone should be able to go no contact with anyone without it being called abuse...

Especially because abusers quite often use that idea to frighten their victims into staying

No contact is also a term used by parents whose AC have estranged them/gone no contact with them VS, and that does not mean that those EP's who use the term are or were abusive.

I see what you mean Feverjo

VS, I agree with much of what you say.

But I do not believe going 'no contact' is only an option that belongs to victims of abuse.

Anyone has a right to walk away from relationships that are consistently disruptive to their peace and happiness. Everyone deserves to go no contact and have that respected if it improves their lives and protects their children from emotional distress or inappropriate influence.

Smileless2012

We'll just have to agree to disagree Feverjo. I am satisfied with the example I gave of an unjust practice.

I can also agree to disagree, as I am also satisfied with my example of justified separation of that relationship.

I've explained this before but...

No Contact is a term used by abuse victims and the people supporting them to describe the situation that is walking away from an abusive person. I know I have asked for that to respected before but will try again

Ending a relationship is not abuse either and family relationships like any relationship must be wanted by both parties for them to work

Silent treatment is a term to describe abusive behaviour, when a person refuses to speak to you until you fulfill a demand or in order to hurt you by ignoring you. It is true that sometimes the silent treatment becomes permanent if the abuser decides they have no use for you. Usually they have moved on to another victim. Sometimes they will message you or otherwise keep you on a hook incase they want you back and sometimes they may reach out just to be hurtful

There is nothing intrinsically abusive about leaving any relationship and we have to be careful that we don't perpetuate that myth...

Abusers themselves use the idea that leaving a relationship is "abuse" in order to frighten their victims into staying which happens in many relationships, often marriage

We'll just have to agree to disagree Feverjo. I am satisfied with the example I gave of an unjust practice.

Why has someone been jumped on for answering an old thread? Have I missed something?

What's going on?

Smileless2012

Wikipedia "Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a person or thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes of other types of aggression.

An example of an unjust practice is denying GC their GP's and GP's their GC, especially when prior to the estrangement a loving and mutually beneficial relationship already existed.

That doesn't prove that no contact is abuse. In fact, your definition did the exact opposite. It cannot be compared to any of the above examples.

Lot's of things can be done to hurt feelings but don't qualify as abuse. A dirty look can be done to hurt feelings but doesn't qualify as abuse.

Whether or not a relationship is "mutually beneficial" is something I defer to parents when it comes to their children. Grandparents can simultaneously love their grandchildren and also participate in parental alienation when there is conflict between grandparents and parents. Inappropriate comments/criticism and undermining are examples of reasons to cease contact between loving grandparents and children.

Every situation has nuances that are specific to the specific conflict.

Wikipedia "Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a person or thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes of other types of aggression.

An example of an unjust practice is denying GC their GP's and GP's their GC, especially when prior to the estrangement a loving and mutually beneficial relationship already existed.

Smileless2012

^It shouldn't be used to hurt others, but rather to heal one's self^ I agree Feverjo but when it is used to hurt others, it becomes abuse.

No, it isn't. Not everything that hurts another, even intentionally is abuse.

It shouldn't be used to hurt others, but rather to heal one's self I agree Feverjo but when it is used to hurt others, it becomes abuse.

DontBeCrazy did you get thrown off Mumsnet that is why you have come to bug GN . Think Reddit you suit your comments better.

It's not abuse, even if it feels bad for the person cut off. People throw the word 'abuse' around. It's a specific word with specific meaning. It's actually incredibly distasteful to "abuse" the meaning by applying it liberally to things that don't qualify.

However, I'm of the opinion that it should be done strictly to regain peace in one's life. It's not a weapon. It's a means to an end. It shouldn't be used to hurt others, but rather to heal one's self.

I wonder too smileless!

When I read some of things posted by some who have estranged, I wonder if they hadn't done so, if that would have been more abusive Bridie.

Don't be crazy...please go elsewhere and play your nasty games there.

I think the whole original comment is trolling . I wouldn’t give it the time of day.

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It depends why. To just disappear and block someone is abuse. Not physically but emotionally yes.

Walking away is not abuse!
I walked away from my mother and sister and in doing so, my family, to heal my mental and physical health. If i could not be productive, a taxi or a pair of hands then I was useless in their eyes. None of my so called family contacted me during my illness but I was expected to check on others. I was blamed, shamed, humiliated and ostracised. I was emotionally bullied for years but didnt recognise it as abnormal. It had always been this way.
It was helped through counselling. I disconnected myself from the dysfunction and by doing so began to heal.
I do feel a great sense of loss and disconnection but it's a small price to pay to free myself from the toxicity and anxiety.
Not every one has a family that provide understanding and support. Mine negatively affected my self-esteem, confidence and self worth, which has had far reaching affects on the choices i made and direction in my life.
I am only just starting to understand at 62 that I'm important too, that I am aloud to be happy.

No, no contact is not abuse, it's a solution to problem.

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