Overcomplicated

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

All of them?

Google may be your friend here.

Recent research to verify HolyHannahs postings as correct information.

Birdie I'm lost now.

What exactly is it you want proof of?

Mama bear 20,
No one has shown me any proof, can you ?

HolyHannah,but if you are using out of date research to back up what you are posting surely then there is a chance you could be misinforming people ?

Thank you for that article HolyHannah. I found it very informative and it certainly rang true with my own situation. MIL loved using the silent treatment as a form of punishment and to get her way. Me going no contact was not to punish her, but to put an end to her emotional abuse.

Birdie I don’t see how an article from just two years ago is outdated in any way, inlet your looking at statistics. It’s not like it’s from 20 years ago, or even 10 years ago. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that you want proof, but when handed proof you find a reason it’s not good enough.

Can't ever recall you being accused of "making stuff up" HolyHannah.

You don't have to have been a perfect parent to have done nothing to deserve being estranged. I don't recall ever seeing a P, estranged or otherwise claiming to have been perfect.

For me it's unrealistic to assume that all EAC had good reasons for estranging their parents especially when there plenty of examples to show that that isn't the case.

Bridie -- I state the same things myself. What is wrong with quoting an article/researcher who backs what I am saying?

When I write and say, "This is how I believe a situation is..." and provide my personal example do you know what happens next?

I get accused of "making stuff up" or get asked to provide 'something' to back up what I say/believe as the truth.

I am doing just that and yet somehow it's not 'good enough'...

FriendlyGhost

That must be a difficult call for grandparents. I think I would be cautious and report such things as abuse can escalate to loss of life very suddenly and children have paid the price in the past. Grandparents may not be aware how bad things truly are and that must make a decision terribly difficult if they don't consider that they don't have all the information.

My grief counsellor was my lifeline Madgran77.

Rosecarmel I understand and I do not mean to oversimplify. There is no book. Just a tool for understanding that I wanted to share as it changed my outlook.

Conversely that suits my daughter very well Starblaze. I backed her into a corner and she became aggressive which just meant I needed to regain her trust. I have it now and our relationship is being rebuilt understanding why she became that way. There is no blame.

^Thank you all once again for sharing your thoughts with me, it is a struggle to keep up^

I understand that realizing something can at times appear sudden, and that asking questions can facilitate the process- But the circumstances that led up to the realization have usually been occurring for quite some time-

I do think, I think like yourself, that once the process of realizing is completed it can become easier each time-

Mind games HolyHannah ?

Sorry everybody, my last post was meant for another thread.

Starblaze -- Oh yes. That's another one.

No. My 'mom' wasn't always "walking on egg-shells" with Me. As always it was the other way around but oh she would disguise it. It would be the pity looks and, "Well if I say this in this tone you'll know I'm not trying to be 'nice' but anyone looking in might think so, so when you react I can say, 'But I was trying to be nice!'...." add immature/dumb smile... And of course this leads to the, "You're too sensitive." in a snotty tone...

Star blaze.
But they aren't Holy Hannah words, they belong to the researcher/therapist.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I enjoyed the article Holyhannah she has a way with words that is very reassuring. I will look for more

But times change, research changes, what was relevant in 2018 may not be applicable today.

Bridie -- I read and post what I think is relevant regardless of the age of the article. If it isn't of interest to you...

Still would be interested in more recent research with or without pictures if you could provide the link. Thanks

Genuine answer Birdie

Holyhannah got the sarcasm. I don't believe in sarcasm unless it's meant to be funny

HolyHannah I know exactly what you mean. Also "I'm ways walking on eggshells with you" which is a strange thing to say if you are hurting someone... You are hurting me and trying not to? You'd have to axe murder me to make me feel much worse lol

The act of going No Contact (especially within the context of removing yourself from dysfunctional narcissistic family systems), is perfect because it offers fodder for their campaign. It is seized as ‘solid evidence’ that you are one sick puppy, truly narcissistic!

Their “logic” goes like this: The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used by narcissists. No Contact is silent. Ergo, you are an abusive narcissist. And of course, they are the poor, long suffering victim.

From the article:

narcwise.com/2018/05/13/no-contact-vs-silent-treatment-ghosting/

Star blaze
No need for sarcasm, it was a genuine question.

Tonnes of helpful articles on the EAC thread if you need more understanding of abusers and narcissists Birdie. Some have pictures too