Reunited..... but not

I'd do and tolerate a lot to maintain a relationship with my grandson. My daughter sounds similar to yours Lucy, in the things she says about me at times. If she didn't have a child, I would put her straight, and let her estrange me. But my DGS means I can't do that.

It's sad, that parent/ child relationships can come to this, but life isn't always easy.

Some AC have their parents walking on eggshells. I’d be very sad but I know I wouldn’t play these games. I have my own self esteem to think of. Cheeky bugger.

Thank you smiless and opsadaisy. I feel too weak to do anything, just shrug and carry on. I don't ever want the separation again and she knows it. If only I could work out how to defend myself and keep contact, life is very difficult at times.

IMO it's not the OP that has a problem with respecting boundaries. Her D has a problem with respect in general.

Lucyloo I would respect boundaries she gives you in regards to who she chooses to spend time with and also make sure you have your own clear boundaries that you stick to in regards to what you are/are not willing to do.

I really think counselling would help you too. There are a lot of charitable means tested counselling services, on the phone and online. I don't know if face to face is available right now though. Counselling can teach you lots of things and especially how to be resilient and assertive.

Oh dear Lucyloo this is a terrible situation for you to be in.

I know what it's like to be estranged from an AC and our only GC but what I don't have any experience of is losing GC that we'd had a loving relationship with, as we never had the chance to get to know them. I can only imagine how much harder that must be.

You ask "What am I to do". My advice is to take away your D's control of you by telling her that even if she stops you having any contact with your GC, you will no longer be treated this way.

If you haven't done so already, I think you need to see your GP to explain what's going on in your life and see if you can be given something to help with your depression. I also think you would be wise to seek counselling, not just regarding your D's abusive behaviour toward you but also what you experienced with your ex H.

Your D is abusing you Lucyloo and no one should be treated this way. She is manipulating and controlling you by using her own children to punish you with if you refuse to comply.

I hope that you'll post again, even if it's just to let us know you're OK.

Take care.

I’m so sorry that you are in this situation, there is only one thing to do and that is to correct her, even in front of other people when she blames you, in fact I would drop it into every conversation I could that you left after you were threatened with a knife.
Sadly she will probably drop you again, but really you have to stand up for yourself and put this mean AC in her place.
Each time she puts you down you will just accept it and it will grind you down, she will probably cut you off again when she doesn’t need you.
I’m sorry for you though, there is no easy solution.