Your money or your grandsons

As to my relationship with my DIL. It has mostly been good but she does follow her religion (selectively) as it suits her desires. She is Jehovah Witness and I am Catholic, so she and her friends have often told me I'm going to hell and that I'm a Pagan worshiper, etc. They were married only a couple of months when she decided to quit her job and stay home. Then a few weeks later she found out she was pregnant. So, she has been spending most of her time sharing her religion door to door and spending time with my grandsons. My son has not joined her religion but is frankly not really behind any formal religion. As for misinterpreting anything I might say to my grand sons, I never know what may make them cut that avenue off. Even me saying, "I hope to see you soon." was considered me pressuring them. So, yes, I have to be careful. Also, FYI, her mother lives in a little shack that is nearly falling down and has rats so bad that she is afraid to go in her bedroom any more because they are in there. The kids told me that I was not allowed to help her or my DIL's homeless blind sister. Their words, "They need to figure out their own lives."

Unfortunately there are some GN's who judge other people and their situation on their own experiences JGran, and it doesn't seem to matter how a poster's EAC has and does behave, it's always the EP who is to blame.

I'm glad that you haven't been deterred and are still posting.

It never ceases to amaze me just how cruel and vindictive some people can be and how for some, their sense of entitlement overrides their basic decency.

Some of the responses you've had just go to demonstrate how unwise it is to make assumptions; to weave one's own story into another's narrative,

The assumption that your son estranged you because you disinherited him as a 'punishment' when that clearly isn't the case.

I hope you've found the support and understanding from the majority who have responded of some comfort.

It seems somehow a few individuals think that somehow things happened differently then they did. My son worked for me for several years and during that time I agreed to allow him to live in a property I own rent free as a boost to his income. Then he decided that he didn't want to do it and wanted to work for someone else. I was in cancer treatment at the time and was relying on him due to my poor health at the time, but thankfully the job was nearly done and a friend helped me finish it. The only changes were those he made at the time and that is the only reason I stopped giving him a salary. I let him keep the car and I still pay his car insurance. He isn't reacting to me cutting him off because I did not until several months after his decision to abandon me. He doesn't even know to what extent he has been removed only that some changes have been made.

Wow he’s a real charmer isn’t he NOT, certainly showing you his true colours, well I’d show him mine! He’d be cut out of the will !

A woman fighting cancer, suffering from the at times almost debilitating effects of chemo, being pressurised by her son to sign over her properties and her bank accounts while weak and confused.

Shocking doesn't begin to summarise this poor woman's treatment.

I don't agree that makes sense MrsWarren but certainly goes a long way to explaining why estrangements can and do happen.

You'd be amazed I'm sure MrsWarren at what can and will be used against you. Even when you've experienced it, it's still hard to believe.

Starblaze

Jgran you said you disinherited your son and now you seem to be suggesting he has lived in one of your properties rent free.

Would I be right in guessing it is this property he wants signed over to him?

If you are now not happy to leave that property for to him, are you allowing him to continue living in it?

If so, that may explain why he would be angry enough to say you can't see him or his children, if they are losing their home as punishment for whatever happened a year ago you won't talk to us about.

This would make sense.

Regardless of how angry Jgran's may feel and for whatever reason, he is using his own children as weapons, to blackmail his own mother with in order to get what he wants or perhaps feels he's entitled too.

How anyone can even begin to condone or excuse such behaviour is beyond my comprehension.

Smileless2012

Why assume that JGran may be involving her GS or saying anything inappropriate? If her son is prepared to use his own children to try and get what he wants, there's a very good chance that the most innocuous comment in a text message could be used against her.

It's not that hard to see surely.

I don’t see how a “Hi darling, hope you are well. How is school going? Hope you’ve been managing well through this lockdown. It must be really difficult not seeing your friends” could be used against her. I really can’t. So yeah, it is hard to see.

Jgran you said you disinherited your son and now you seem to be suggesting he has lived in one of your properties rent free.

Would I be right in guessing it is this property he wants signed over to him?

If you are now not happy to leave that property for to him, are you allowing him to continue living in it?

If so, that may explain why he would be angry enough to say you can't see him or his children, if they are losing their home as punishment for whatever happened a year ago you won't talk to us about.

Why assume that JGran may be involving her GS or saying anything inappropriate? If her son is prepared to use his own children to try and get what he wants, there's a very good chance that the most innocuous comment in a text message could be used against her.

It's not that hard to see surely.

JGran

I wish that the 17 year old had regular access to his phone, but he does not. Especially now that we are in Quarantine due to Covid-19. He has abused his use of his phone in the past so they do now allow him to have it all of the time and I have to be very careful what I say on the messages. If his mother or step-father (my son) see anything they don't like, they will remove me from his contact list. Religion is our biggest barrier as my DIL is Jehovah Witness.

So you are still in contact with the 17 year old.

What do you mean that “you have to be very careful” about what you say to him? Surely you should not be involving him or saying anything inappropriate to him anyway.

No contact with parents, not when parents.

To be fair, no contact when parents, no contact with child - in general.

Your gc will be soon 18 and he won't be a minor anymore.

So while you were sick, did your son have a job or he took the role of care taker?

Did he ever had a poa?

What is this big fight between you two that happened a year ago?

I wish that the 17 year old had regular access to his phone, but he does not. Especially now that we are in Quarantine due to Covid-19. He has abused his use of his phone in the past so they do now allow him to have it all of the time and I have to be very careful what I say on the messages. If his mother or step-father (my son) see anything they don't like, they will remove me from his contact list. Religion is our biggest barrier as my DIL is Jehovah Witness.

All of my property investments are my retirement plan. We never know if we will be sick in our last years or if we will be healthy every day to the end so I have invested and he was allowed to live there rent free as long as he worked with me and managed the real estate. He decided to not take care of the real estate during my fight against cancer. I was very sick toward the end of chemo and he just decided he was not going to continue helping me and looked for a 9-5 job. When I first became sick he began pressuring me to sign the properties over and my bank accounts. While weak and forgetful, I was still capable of signing my name.

What a horrible situation JGran and I hope you're getting good advice perhaps from a professional. Would you be able to put your property in trust for your grandchildren for when they're a good deal older? I hope you manage to get it sorted and don't get pushed around.

I'm not signing it over. I decided that before and told him so which is why I can't see my grandsons. I can't just sign that house over to him without taking chances on cutting my elder care as my properties are my retirement plan.

That's very good advice Nonnie.

JGran I agree with the others, don't do this. I would go further, if you live in the UK you should do your Lasting Powers of Attorney so that if you become incapacitated you have given someone to right to deal with your affairs. If you don't your son may be able to go to the Court of Protection and handle everything. However, because you talked of 'College' I suspect you are not in the UK where we would be more likely to say 'University' so perhaps there is something similar you can arrange with your solicitor to ensure your son cannot manage your life in the event you cannot do it yourself.

Still not enough info. Still too vague.

So at some point he was supposed to be given a home but something happened that you changed your mind.
You also acknowledge you coddle him too much for too long and it's a long story.

Still team Switzerland

Speak to the police. It’s blackmail and attempted extortion.

JGran's GS at 17 will still be living at home so although he's old enough to make his own decisions with regard to having contact with his GM, if his father is prepared to threaten his own mother in such an awful way in order to get what he wants, who knows what pressure this 17 year old may be under to not have any contact with his GM.

There are various reasons why a P may decide to disinherit an AC; 'punishment' is not necessarily going to be the reason. In some cases the changing of a will occurs due to estrangement because for example, the EP's don't regard it as appropriate that an AC they have no longer have a relationship with should receive a gift in their will.

As has already been said, inheritance is a gift not a right.