Domestic Violence from kids to parents

rosecarmel like "dont say sorry, be sorry"?

"don't say you love me, show you love me"?

Yes, Starblaze-

I love you's aren't enough, has anyone said they are?

No Starblaze no further communication, just condolences.

I think maybe we have drifted a bit off topic now

I have been thinking a lot about how much more the elderly/infirm are probably being neglected in current times, in many ways, even at government level.

Its worrying to me actually that human beings seem to be worth sacrificing for the economy or some ort of ridiculous greater good.

I hope care and concern for the elderly isn't worsened by all this.

I adore my Dad, he is probably healthier than I am but I can't ever imagine having little care for someone I love. Let alone actively abusing them.

* Robbie Burns - O, wad some Power the giftie gie us to see oursels as others see us!*

I am who I am, if that does not fit with who you want me to be, so be it! As I see it, the parents job is to educate their children to enable them to stand on their own two feet as independent individuals. It is not to make life easy, or to make adjustment to themselves in order to please those aggrieved by what they perceive a denial of entitlement.

*Starblaze* I think you might be surprised there are those who love dearly, but often do not like the same person's behaviour. Love is not just a word and cannot be turned on and off like a tap.

sparklingsilver28 -- The problem is my 'mom' didn't separate the two. She would say, "I love you." never act like it and as a 'bonus' would add, "but nobody likes you..." So it wasn't my behavior she didn't 'like'... It was Me.

sparklingsilver28

^* Robbie Burns - O, wad some Power the giftie gie us to see oursels as others see us!*^

I am who I am, if that does not fit with who you want me to be, so be it! As I see it, the parents job is to educate their children to enable them to stand on their own two feet as independent individuals. It is not to make life easy, or to make adjustment to themselves in order to please those aggrieved by what they perceive a denial of entitlement.

?

Popeye the sailor said similar! "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam!"

Children who make requests regarding their parents behavior don't expect their parents to change their behavior- Therefore, don't feel entitled- They too come to the conclusion "so be it" when parents decide not to consider their offer to bridge a gap between who their parents are and who they themselves are as parents- As a result, estrangement occurs- Not because their request was denied, but because they decided they don't want their children exposed to the behaviors that their parents have chosen not to alter or curb-

rosecarmel -- "Not because their request was denied, but because they decided they don't want their children exposed to the behaviors that their parents have chosen not to alter or curb-" -- As adults my parents and in-laws are free to be who/how they are and we have never demanded they change. We have said, "As things are there is no healthy relationship to be had..."

It is their choice as adults to decide if our expectations/requests are reasonable or not and act accordingly. Freedom of choice. They choose to not change while husband and I have.

This does indeed need highlighting Lazzalt, no one should put up with that sort of aggression from their own child. Set boundries and never accept the unacceptable from anyone, your adult bully of a child included.You're not here to be an emotional punch bag or physical one. It must be a relief when the bully leaves. I do think boundries are set in the first few years of life and lots of parents give in to tantrums and bad behaviour because it's easier than reasoning with the child.

Rosecarmel, you and your parents want different things, it's most unlikely they will change or you, especially if the estrangement is deep seated. At Ieast both of can lead,lives you choose.

I've reflected on what 'unacceptable behaviour' may be, in response to various posts. I agree totally that abuse of children by parents is never acceptable behaviour.

Going back to the OP, violence from children to parents is unacceptable behaviour. The age of the child is significant. A toddler may smack out despite never experiencing that behaviour themselves. Its part of learning to manage emotions and parents are key in that. A child of 7 causing their mother to fall to the ground, by 'drop kicking' her knees is unacceptable. That mother needs help with her parenting skills, that should be led by a proper assessment of the family including 1-1 with the child.

Move on to an adolescent who is using substances, behaving abusively towards their parents and siblings. Unacceptable behaviour, help needed for all concerned.

Adult children threatening their parents, stealing from them etc, unacceptable behaviour. The majority of parents in those situations try hard to encourage their child to get appropriate help. The parents seek out advice on how to help their child, fearful that if they stop treading egg shells, their child will estrange from them.

Iam64

Abusive people rarely estrange their victims. Even abusive people in relationships with a new partner continue to make life hard for their exes quite often. I can understand the fear, the same way when my mum would threaten to throw me out of the house as a teen for literally nothing or an argument she engineered.

So I think we need to teach victims it's safe to set those boundaries and if they aren't respected, then the grief of estrangement is always less than the grief of an abusive relationship and the harm that causes everyone around it.

As you say Iam parents abusing their children is totally unacceptable.

When it comes to adolescents and adult children abusing their parents, it does make one wonder if parents are more 'tolerant' of their AC's unacceptable behaviour, than AC are of their parents unacceptable behaviour.

I don't know about that Smileless I think putting up with abuse for more than 4 decades is an extremely high tolerance in my case and then there is the fact that abusive parents train their children to accept abuse from birth.

Often we don't know how much is wrong with the relationship until our own mental health issues force us to get help, for instance, the breakdown my mum drove me to.

A child being abused is defenceless, has no where to go. Being indoctrinated and controlled by an abuser from the 'beginning' is totally different to a parent whose teenage or AC starts to abuse them.

There are course difficulties with an adolescent living at home but some parents are 'putting up with' abuse from their AC who should not be reliant on them for a roof over their heads and some who no longer live with them.

It's the 'tolerance' of that behaviour that makes me wonder if parents are more 'tolerant' of AC's behaviour, than AC are of their parents unacceptable behaviour.

I think like most things regarding this topic there can’t be homogeneous grouping.

I know parents who are disturbingly intolerant of very basic teenage behaviours, I know parents who could really do with shining their spine and sorting out what’s going on.

I know adult children who are really intolerant to basic interactions from their parents and I know adult children who put up with way to much rubbish.

Starblaze, your own experience is acknowledged and validated. You’re right that some abusive partners, usually men continue to stalk and sometimes kill women who get the courage to leave them.
That’s a different scenario than the one I suggested. Are you saying that a parent being abused by an adult child won’t estrange because somehow they’re responsible for the abuse.

Iam64 no that's not what I said at all!

Maybe you could re read and if there is a point that isn't clear I can respond but I'm not able to see where that could be.

Bibbity

I think like most things regarding this topic there can’t be homogeneous grouping.

I know parents who are disturbingly intolerant of very basic teenage behaviours, I know parents who could really do with shining their spine and sorting out what’s going on.

I know adult children who are really intolerant to basic interactions from their parents and I know adult children who put up with way to much rubbish.

I agree- Each circumstance will be unique-

Yep, no love for homogeneous masses here either....

Unless we are talking abusive people who quite often appear to be one with a few relative sub categories lol

I can imagine Karens neglecting/abusing their parents ..

think I must be missing something!

Oh I see

I don’t get it. Are all Karen’s to be avoided now?