@Bibbity re your comment "SN children used to be shipped off to institutions where they were more than likely physically, emotionally and sexually abused. But please do continue with how much better that was for everyone."
It wasn't better. It made a lot of people's lives a lot worse and then they got into a relationship and became parents.... My ex had that exact past, but hid most of it from me until I was in too deep. Unfortunately he was extremely damaged and abusive. His parents loved him, but couldn't cope with him and the school he went to couldn't deal with him either. I googled it and it was "independant" and unregistered at the time he went there, yet it was a school recieving government funds. The teachers were not proper teachers. It did not even claim to meet any of the children's educational needs in the report I read, in fact every question just had a line through it. So yes, the government were paying lots of money to keep these SN children away from society back in those days and it didn't help the kids involved at all, so I don't think that is the answer
Personally I feel I couldn't have loved my kids more. I tried to over compensate for him, I suppose. I was a stay at home parent and gave them all the love and attention I could. I've studied Child Psychology and was able to have good attachments with all of them. But despite my best efforts, one of them has ADHD and is abusive/ hostile.
I'm not saying I am perfect, obviously something has gone wrong somewhere- but I really did give them a lot of love and was always there for them, so I do wonder if some things like ADHD and behavioural disorders are genetic??? Mine were never out of my sight until they went to school, so they definitely weren't neglected. I think parents are blamed a lot for neglect, but not all are neglectful. Surely some things are hereditary.