SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

Your Christmas decorating sounds lovely 3nanny I agree Christmas can be hard. I think as you say we can only learn to accept things.

Thank you yogagirl. He was a lovely man and leaves behind a wife and teenage son. Her mum has moved in with them for now and I'm glad, I hope that will bring comfort to them all. Sending cards and messages just doesn't seem much but we go straight from lock down to tier 3 and I'm hearing of so much covid around here. Sorry you're also having a tough time from this awful year, it really does feel relentless. Hope your family stays well and the dinner lady soon recovers.

I get what you mean smiles - the longer you put it out of mind or find positive ways to deal with it, that harder the blow when it sneaks up on you, and you've been doing this a lot longer than me.

An elderly relative of DDs partner has covid, which she caught in hospital. On a positive note, DDs partner has set a date to move in with her. They are trying living in her (too small) adapted flat for 6 months and if all goes well looking for something bigger together. We have to work out some logistics to help him move, as he doesn't drive, but he's not taking big furniture so should be doable - all masked up and distanced ofc. I'm thinking a gingerbread facsimile of the flat might go down nicely, going to work out some quantities and try and do a plan.

Sending loving thoughts your way PF

My Thanksgiving went well. I made the dinner and dropped off food to DD, Mother and brother. Then we all got on Zoom and had a chat.
Very disappointed in my friend that got Covid. She came out of the hospital after five days then spent a few days at home. Without another test co firming she was negative she got her nails done and went to a few stores. The next day she crashed having very low oxygen. Her husband who also has the virus had ten more days to quarantine. Instead he went to a restaurant to get food for her. That’s why this will never end. People are so irresponsible. And it makes it harder for businesses like yours Yogagirlto open. Not only are we estranged from family but we are estranged from our normal lives.
YogagirlI know you teach classes. Could you do it online?
PF sending you healing thoughts as you near the funeral.

Thank you so much everybody for your support and good wishes. Hopefully, all will go well on Tuesday and I will be back to check in with my lovely friends later in the week. But it's all a bit overwhelming and unreal at present.

Big hugs to all

Hugshelp: My Christmas decorations look very bright and cheerful and help to keep my mood lifted. The Christmas itself is very far off the ones I used to have when all the family on my mums side got together every year, although sadly all those relatives are now no longer here. The estrangement with my daughter does not help but I say it is what it is life goes on.

P. F. I wish you and your family well for Tuesday, I do hope you will manage the day and at least take comfort that DH will finally be laid to rest and be at peace. Thoughts will be with you.

I'm glad you had a good thanks giving rhinestone Oh my goodness your friends do sound careless, with their own health and that of others.

Hope all goes well PF, sending hugs.

Good for you 3nanny, looking back to happier times can be very bittersweet.

Morning all

I had about 12 gold Finch, a Robin and 2 Blue tits in my tree, which I can see right outside my bedroom window, so beautiful & heart warming. They love the kernels on the end of the conifer branches that form in the winter.

Smileless my little Joey is so loving and affectionate, He was booked into the grooming rooms [Pets-at-home] for the 15th Dec. I phoned them 3 times to checked this was still going ahead, as it had come off my account online. No reply, only voicemail saying they were doing emergencies only. So as I could tell he was overheating with the central heating & his thick coat, I took the bull by the horns and trimmed him myself When I was just getting going I thought I wish I hadn't of started this but by the end he looked really cute & cuddly & was such a good boy staying still for me. I was really pleased I'd tackled it, as I could tell how more comfortable he felt, plus saving myself £43!
You guessed it, a couple of hours later, I got a phone call from the grooming rooms, saying Joey was still booked in for the 15th

Rhinestone I did do 5 yoga sessions that I put on YouTube for my students, free. Didn't feel right to charge, with all of the upset. Many of my fellow yoga teachers set up zoom classes & charged, they said they were successful & they are continuing them them. But the saying can't teach an old dog new treats seems appropriate here. I had to really force myself to do the YouTube!

Whenever I feel upset about my estD, I just think to myself that she never loved me, doesn't love me, doesn't want me in her or her children's lives [my GC] and has a heart of stone towards me. Then I accept I will never see her again.
I really hope & pray I see my GC in the future though.

Yogagirl I understand you not wanting to charge. Could you charge less and do a zoom one? One of the yoga teachers here did classes outside until it got too cold. You may want to do that at a park when it’s warmer in the spring.
The one thing that keeps me going about the EGC is that when they are older I can contact them and they can make the choice to see us or not.

Morning everyone, hope you're all OK.

We put up our decs on Sunday, inside and out, so our large and extremely bright reindeer is in situ on the roof terrace.

I was thinking about you all because this is the hardest time of the year isn't it. We think about our EAC and EGC, wonder what they're doing and I always think how lovely it would have been to be able to see our GC in their nativity plays.

That happened to us during the last lock down Yogagirl. We were half way through giving our cocker a trim, having already done the deed with our poodle when the 'phone rang. We let it go to answer 'phone and when we picked up the message once we'd finished, it was our groomer 'phoning to book them both in for a groom!!

You did well putting some yoga sessions on YouTube for your students; I wouldn't know where to begin!!

I'm glad that Thanksgiving went well for you Rhinestone. I was reallyto read about your friends being so careless and irresponsible. Is it any wonder that keeping this pandemic under control is so difficult.

Sending you a BIG (((hug))) for tomorrow PF. I hope everything goes as well as it can.

Petit Fromage I hope that you were all able to say goodbye to your DH as a family in the way that you wished today

Thinking about you and your daughters today Petitfromage as you say farewell and hope everything went smoothly. ?

Your decorations sound lovely smiles

Thinking of you and your daughters PF xxx

Thinking of you all today dear PF as you say 'goodbye' to a wonderful husband and father xx

PFThought about you yesterday and hoped it all went well.
SmilelessGlad you got your decorations up. My DH has not wanted the tree up since the estrangement. And we have a new tree in a box still. Our estranged boys birthdays are in 18 days, both same day. That does not help. Maybe my dad dying on that day too was an omen.

Smileless2012 Your decorations sound lovely and the reindeer must look fantastic. I have seen a few of the outdoor reindeer decorations when I walk the dogs they look really pretty lit up.
I have spoken to several people when out and about and they have said they have put up even more decorations than usual to cheer themselves up because it has been such a terrible year.
P.F thinking of you and the family and hope you managed the day well for D.H.

TBH we struggled putting up Christmas decorations to begin with Rhinestone but we did.

Christmas happens every year whether we like it or not, you can't ignore it so for us it was better to 'go with the flow'. I think we'd have found it even more difficult seeing other peoples homes looking all 'Christmasy'.

It's so much harder for you with ES's having their birthdays, so close to Christmas and on the same day, plus it being the anniversary of your dad's death.

Do you want to put the tree up? If so, maybe he'll agree if you ask him.

Our looks lovely 3nanny but I think in the interests of 'elf and safety' sun glasses should be worn if one intends to get too close.

Smileless2012 I know what you mean although I think it must look well lit up. I remember when eldest daughter was younger and a house not far from us would cover all the front of the house and even the porch in every type of light and decoration they could find my daughter always called it "Las
Vegas" and was amazed how many lights they put up.

Rhinestone : that is sad that DH does not want a tree up although with E.S's birthdays so close to Christmas it must
hurt and feeling 'Christmassy' may just be a bit much for him. Would he agree to some of those candle arch decorations in a few of the windows they are plain but look
quite amazing. Maybe ask him.

It's difficult with Christmas birthdays. Rhinestone our ES has his on Dec 20. I'll be honest I'm the one who wouldn't bother with decorations. I've done it previous years for our DD, who has come to us, but it's just me and DH this year. I'll do it for him but my hearts not in it. I'm sorry you've got the anniversary of your dad's death to think about too.

I do like your joke smiles, you often cheer me up. x

Hugshelp That makes three estranged boys then. Dec 20th is the date I was talking about of the boys birthdays and my dads death. Wow! Maybe there is something to that date.

Hello everybody, just checking in to say that the service was lovely, especially the music from the wonderful choir. DD1, formerly ED, attended with SIL and the DGDs. She gave one of the readings, which she did beautifully, and the DGDs met all of their extended family for the first time. Everything went as smoothly as it could have done, and it was so moving that we were able to share the occasion with family and friends, who loved DH so much. DD2 and DD3 were incredibly supportive, as were DH's family, although it was an incredibly difficult day for MIL

So, those were the positives, for which I am grateful, but the occasion was incredibly emotionally draining, as you may imagine, which is why I haven't felt able to post before. Now I have to face life without my beloved. We loved each other at first sight, from the first day to the last day, and all of the days in between, for 34 years. Enough said.

Sending love and wishing you all a good weekend.

What a heartwarming post Petitfromage ? and so pleased things went well for you all on the day.

You must be absolutely drained from the strain of it all but be proud of yourself for being strong when it mattered and the example you’ve shown to your family of love above all things.

Take special care of yourself over the next few months as you navigate life without your beloved DH and remember that we’re all rooting for you x

I'm so glad it went well PF. Such a difficult and heart breaking day for you all.

Take care of yourself and remember that we are all here for you. Sending you love and hugs xx

So sorry for your loss PetitFromage Glad your DD is not your ED anymore. Sending love and hugs

So glad for you PF. Take care