SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

Dear friends, I wish you all a Merry and Peaceful Christmas.

Love and hugs to you all xxxx

From across the pond -
Wishing GOOD HEALTH to everyone this holiday season. May we all get out of this horrible year unscathed. And may we all have PEACE in our lives.

Lovely to see you PF - may your Christmas be full of love, warmth, and kindness, I know it will be from you. x

You sound nice and organised 3nanny - hope everything goes swimmingly. Have a happy, healthy, peaceful Christmas.

Have a happy Chirstmas Iam64

Sending everyone very best wishes for the Christmas period. What a year its been for everyone. good to hear your mil responded to treatment smiles, uti's can be so tough on older women

Sorry I have been dropping in and out as much as time allows the days up to actual Christmas Day can be busy and just when I think everything is all organized I remember something else I have to get done.
I suppose I have over bought again as usual
but better to have enough than to run short. I have just taken the turkey from the freezer as it needs 36 hours defrosting so its all going well.

Smileless2012 that was good news about your M.I.L and she will be more comfortable in her care home than in hospital so a weight of your mind I would imagine.

Yogagirl it had been about ten weeks since I last saw him although ten weeks is like ten years to me when I do not see the G.C. I think he remembered me because in the past I often took him to the supermarket and he would sit up in the trolley so he has experience of being in the supermarket. When he ran over to me he grabbed my hand and I expect he thought I was there to go shopping with him.
I have got all the presents for the grand-children but we are in Tier 4 now so anything will be exchanged at the door and who knows how long this latest restriction will last.

P.F good to see you popping in and you are right Christmas will be challenging this year but I hope you will have a good a time as possible.
I think Christmas will be challenging for all of us in our own unique ways however "Wishing everyone a peaceful and healthy Christmas" and may 2021 bring brighter times for us all.
Take Care. xx

A very Happy Christmas to you too PF; a special time of the year for you all to share your wonderful memories of the lovely Mr. P.F. x

Sorry I haven't been around, but I want to say thanks for the hugs to hugshelp (perfect user name!). I am sending. them right back and to everyone else who is missing loved ones this Christmas. Thinking of you Smileless and Mr S

Christmas will be challenging this year, but we are determined to have as good a time as possible and to remember DH. We will certainly be raising a toast to him!

A very Happy Christmas to you all!!! xx

I think Listening and not saying much sounds like a sensible plan for your friend smiles

Smileless indeed!!

Oh me too Madgran. He has a 3rd son with quite severe disabilities and has maintained that relationship for the last 12 years. His D has always been aware of this so I for one, don't understand why she has taken on board whatever her mother has been saying, when she could see what a good dad he was in relation to her disabled brother.

It must be so hard for him. Wise advice Smileless. I hope it works out for him as he wishes

A father I know from a site I was on a couple of years ago has had a text from the daughter who hasn't spoken to him for 12 years, she wants to start communicating with him again.

She's said she now realises that her mum, his ex wife poisoned her against him and how toxic she is. I've asked him to be very careful. The poor man has been treated appallingly by her and his son. He says he will just listen and refrain from saying too much at this stage.

12 years That's one text I hope I never receive.

Smiles Good to hear your m.i.l is on the road to recovery & back in her home where she's safe & well cared for.

Rhinestone and Hugshelp Hope you are feeling more upbeat now we are past the 20th.

3nanny Fancy bumping into your little GS&D in the supermarket & he remembering you! Did you give him a cuddle? and how long since you saw each other last? I always wondered what I would do in the same situation. Now of course my beloved GC wouldn't know me, I would them. Think I would probably just stop dead and stare!

I was so very upset when Boris announced we are now in tier4. Thought I wouldn't get to see my beloved DD&GC. But s.i.l phoned me and said it's ok to still come as we are in a bubble together and added Oh, could you cut my hair, as hairdressers closed .Bit worried about doing it though. I was a hairdressers apprentice many moons ago and always cut all my families hair, up till maybe 10yrs ago. Now it's just my little doggie that gets a haircut from me. So looks like s.i.l will get a Joey haircut for Xmas

A goodness that's been a worry for you smiles. I do hope she improves and need no more hospital time.

Thank you 3nanny It sounds like you're being very sensible and it's a shame you are having to deal with relatives who are not. I'm glad you have your son in your bubble. x

Smileless thinking of you and Mr S. Very worrying for you

We've had some good news about m.i.l. It was thought she had sepsis but has a urinary tract infection so has been put on a course of anti biotics and is going back to the home this afternoon.

So our initial fears have been calmed but of course we're concerned that Covid may take a hold and that she's not eating and drinking enough.

It's good that you'll see your son on Christmas day 3nanny. It's quiet here too. We were going to get a final shop on Wednesday but decided to go to Tesco's this morning. It was surprisingly relatively quiet which was a good thing and I'm glad we decided to get it done today.

Hi All, hope you are all trying to keep your spirits up and keeping as well as possible.
Rhinestone and Hugshelp so sorry that you are both feeling downhearted as I think the 20th December was a memorable time for your estrangements so it must be hard for you right now.
Smileless2012 it must be an anxious time for you and Mr. S. particularly as falls are serious in the elderly and recovery time can be slow. I hope you hear some better news from the hospital when they contact you.
Thank-you all for your messages about me bumping into my daughter and grand-son it certainly had me in a few moments of panic but I had to recover myself as he recognized me and ran over to me and I did not want to let him see me crying.
My eldest daughter suggested it would be lovely for me to have Christmas dinner with them although I was a bit apprehensive about that.
That decision has been taken out of my hands anyway as the news came on television on Saturday afternoon that my area is going into Tier 4 which happened yesterday. Nothing will be that much different to me anyway as I keep to all rules and I know I should not say this but some extended family who think they can just drop in even though we are in pandemic will be told sorry you can't come in not when we are in Tier 4 and a virtual lockdown so maybe I will get the peace and quiet which I truly do not mind. The only one that has been in my bubble is my son and he still comes in or else perhaps my mental health would suffer so I am sticking to him for any visits.
It has become a ghost town where I am and most people are really scared of this latest variant of the covid 19, I have even started to wear a face mask when I walk the dogs just for safety.
Take care All.

m.i.l. had a fall about 5.00 am and has been taken to hospital. We don't know which one or what her condition is but apparently she hasn't been drinking or eating and is quite poorly.

A very anxious time.

*right back, doh...

Thank you Rhinestone I was thinking about you but keeping busy.
DH got a belated brief reply from ES in reply to the email about the death of his Godfather. DH sent ES birthday wishes, so whether he will hear any more I don't know. ES blows hot and cold with regards to DH, though any communications are months apart, but has still not spoken to me, nor told either of us why.
I'm never sure what to think when there's that bit of contact between ES and DH. I wouldn't dream of interfering but last year when ES suggested everyone except me going out for a meal on DHs birthday I did feel that was a bit much. DH vetoed that anyway, though they went for a walk. I can only try and keep myself occupied, but as most of the time, especially since covid, I only see DH a lot of the time, it's hard knowing he's busy emailing ES and I'm not allowed to.

We had a videochat with our DD and her partner this afternoon which was lovely. But again, her and DH got chatting about ES, as she was chatting with him earlier. I am very glad that DD and ES are getting on well but I do feel like the proverbial spare part.

Anyway, thanks for letting me unload, and thanks for the hug Rhinestone - sending one right bag.

Feeling a bit better health wise today smiles thank you. How is Your MIL? Glad you had a chat with DS. I think video chats are keeping us a bit saner.

Sending hugs PF

I hope you manage to get through the day as best you can Rhinestone and that you can find something positive to do and/or think about.

How are you today hugshelp? Feeling better I hope. It was definitely the right decision not to go especially as Portsmouth has gone into the new tier 4.

Spoke to DS in Aus on Face time earlier; goodness knows when we'll be seeing him again.

hugshelpToday is the day we have dreaded. What’s weird is that I woke up around the same time my father passed away. But I’m not letting the rest of the day of the ES’s birthdays get in my way. It’s gloomy outside but I’m going to try and do something positive for me. You too I hope . Just know someone else across the pond is feeling your pain . We will get through this . Sending you a hug and strength.

Oh goodness 3nanny you must have been thrown into an instant turmoil, which you seemed to have handled very well. I'm glad your D was ok at least, and it's so good your GC recognised you.

I think you made the right decision about Christmas smiles and hope you can focus on having a lovely safe one.

I think the points about expectations are very valid, and something for me to mull over. I'm having a tired day, CFS flare up, so not really managed to do anything, so sorry if I'm not taking it all in today.

More sleep for me, nn all.x

Oh goodness 3nanny that must have been a shock. It's wonderful that he remembered you but I can only imagine those few moments of panic as you tried to work out how to behave.

I'm so glad we took the decision 4 years ago to move away. Being recognised by either of our GC would never have happened as they have no idea what we look like, but just seeing them was bad enough.

As you say Madgran having to book for a church service is a sign of the times; when will it ever end.

I've felt a lot better for having finally made the decision not to go away for Christmas. It was praying on my mind and spoiling the build up to Christmas. Even though it'll just be the 2 of us, I know we'll have a lovely time and we have our lovely girls popping round on Boxing day for a few hours to share a meal.

3nanny6 That must have been SO hard for you. I admire your approach to it all despite the pain. At least your daughter was "okay" but I can't imagine how you must have felt after such an encounter.

Relaxation time is necessary for all of us. It is SO strange booking a church service ...another sign of strange times.