SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

I to hope everything went well for your meeting with your son Rhinestone. Happy to report I feel fine. Today is just another day. Just wish the weather was better. Hopefully the sun will be out tomorrow. Still need to varnish my bench and touch up the bits I missed on the fence .

Thank you all for your birthday wishes.

Have a good day everyone. ?

Rhinestone I too didn't see your post before you would have met with your son. Hope it went as you wished

Hope things are going as well as they can Rhinestone

I wish I'd seen your post earlier Rhinestone as your meeting with your ES will have already taken place now. I'm so sorry I missed it due to a particularly busy afternoon and evening.

I hope it went OK and he didn't ask about staying at your house so putting you in a terrible position. Please let us know how it went and that you're OK.

Glad you had such a lovely birthday Whiff.

WhiffHappy Belated Birthday. It sounds like you had a wonderful time. It’s hard to listen to music or watch movies that make us remember our estranged loved ones. I cannot look at old pictures because of that. It will get better for you.

Well …. I am meeting up with my ES today and I am nervous. We have been texting since my mother was in the hospital. So between his father calling me and repeatingly trying to justify why he is evicting our son and my ES injecting
his angry feelings about his father in texts to me I am remaining neutral and say neutral things like WOW or REALLY or I DIDN’T KNOW THAT. My X has been confessing his mess ups to my daughter lately. For example he told her how he wasn’t such a good father or grandfather or how he shouldn’t have let wifey #2 make decisions about our son. Very odd to me that he’s doing this.
My therapist had told me to text with love . I admit it’s hard when my ES starts his conspiracy theory talks . He asked me yesterday if I wanted to meet his dog and go for a walk . He is almost moved out of his dads but still has no place to go so I hope he isn’t using me and will ask to stay at our house. After three and a half years estranged, I’m really scared that I will say the wrong thing. Please send me your positive thoughts as I need all I can get today.

Sounds like you had a really lovely birthday Whiff I'm happy for you xxx

Birthday sounds great Whiff

I'm so glad you had a lovely day whiff
I love fish and chips and cake on a birthday. And crafting and gardening goodies are right up my street too - lucky you. x

It all sounds fabulous.

Glad you got the greenhouse problem sorted, enjoy your day getting it how you want it.

Thank you for the birthday wishes. Pleased and very happy to report I had the most wonderful birthday. My friends and family know me very well . I had cross stitch kits (addicted to it as I find it so relaxing . You can't rush the stitching) gardening book and money to buy plants. My daughter and family brought me beautiful glazed pots in 3 sizes 2 of each plus other pots and gardening items plus money for plants. We went to a lovely park with my grandson's. As soon as I got in the car my grandson told me they had made me a cake. It was cold but we all had fun. Then back to their's were he sang happy birthday and helped me blow out the candle. Hot chocolate and cake yum. And present time. Had lovely time playing with the boys. We had dinner all together. Fish and chips followed with more cake.

My son in law had the day off and started decorating my grandsons room. ( They moved into their new house in February) . He was so excited as he was camping in his parents room with the brother. Once he was in his PJ's I read 3 books to him. I love that he likes nannie reading to him. I have a lot of children's books at home to read to him when they visit. Fed the baby this time was quick enough to follow with the bottle as he moved his head.

Didn't get home to after 8.30. Fell asleep on the sofa and woke at just before one. Then slept until nearly 8.

On the morning spoke to my brother and a friend . Had lots of texts. Friend popped round with a card. My greenhouse door was fixed and the clips holding the panels in put in the right way. Realised on Thursday they had been put round the wrong way.

Very busy but a very happy day. Memories of last year wiped away.

Can get my greenhouse kitted out today.

Thank you wonderful friends for getting me through this last year. I know the 4 th won't hold any horrors for me and can face it just as a normal day.

Sharing with you all has made a vast difference to my life and it feels like home here. Sentimental I know but I always say how I feel. ❤️

Happy Birthday Whiff[flowers[

Wishing you a happy Birthday Whiff

That will be lovely Whiff, the best birthday present any GM can receive.

Smiles what a wonderful woman you are. Thank for that lovely post. And saying that's the behaviour of a woman of courage . I do try and be brave but have wobbles .

I can't listen to the music we played at my husband's funeral. Last time I tried was 10 years ago and couldn't do it. So haven't tried since.

I intend you enjoy tomorrow. Looking forward to my grandson singing happy birthday. ?

You're not an idiot Whiff. You thought you were 'ready' and found that you weren't and for me, testing myself was one of the bench marks I used countless times, to see if I was getting better.

Mine was music. ES was a huge MJ fan and it was about 2 years before I played any of his music because it brought back too many memories. The first time I did, I ended up in tears.

I have a song for Mr. S., one for DS and one for ES all from different artists, and it was more than 2 years before I ventured to play the one I still regard as 'his'; it ended the same way and was only about 2 years ago that I played it all the way through.

I know it feels like a life time but it'll be one year tomorrow since you last saw your son and GC, one year. It's still early days Whiff and if heaven forbid nothing changes, you may never be able to watch that video without crying and if that's ever the case, you'll be no more of an idiot then than you are now.

You're doing all you can to live with the pain of being estranged from your much loved son and GC Whiff, that's the behaviour of a woman of courage, not an idiot x

Thank you for your support. As I was feeling better decided to varnish my bench then painted the fence on the driveway. Tired but happy it's done. Bench will need a couple more coats. Will do those another day. Resting so I can enjoy myself tomorrow.

I don't know why the pain comes in extreme bursts sometimes whereas at other times we can manage fine.
I get used to the emptiness and fill it with other things, but sometimes that particular hole just makes itself felt no matter what I do.
Sending hugs whiff

Whiff..reading that makes me so sad for you and I feel your pain ...it just takes one thing to open the wound. It is good to put your feelings on this forum especially when you are on your own with no other family members to talk to.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Whiff xxx

I'm an idiot thought I was strong enough to watch a video of my grandsons . Was fine until I heard my son's voice laughing and talking to the boys. Then the tears started. Fool should have known better. I know the boys will look different especially the younger one. But miss them so much. Looked today as didn't want to spoil tomorrow. My darling daughter and family are doing everything they can to erase last year.

I am determined not to give in to thinking back to the last time I saw my son tomorrow. I just don't want to be that mess again. With all your help I am not that person anymore. I don't hold out any hope of him suddenly realising what he has thrown away.

Don't understand why I feel like this was fine Christmas. Annoyed with myself as I am very good at understanding how and why I feel things. Why have I got blinkers on?

Just writing this is making me feel better . At least here I can say how I feel without being judged. Thank you all for that . Without your support wouldn't have got through this year. ??

Glad your DD isn't doing too badly rhinestone. My DH and sister both have hiatius hernia - it is a nuisance but the meds help - hope they can soon make her more comfortable.
Glad your mum is doing better.
I'm not sure what I'm hoping will help your son, but I hope something or someone will. x

Great to hear you're feeling better whiff. It saddens me so much to hear how much you have done for others and then have all these struggles, mostly alone. I too cannot understand why the idea of standing by people and trying to help them vanished.

Glad you found the thread Zander. I'm so sorry you are suffering. When our loved ones leave our lives it is devastating. I think most people here will also have exhausted every avenue, only to be met by a brick wall. When I was at my lowest, the wonderful people on this thread kept me going. And still do. It has got a little easier, but it really hurts still. We can only support each other on our journeys.

As you wisely say smiles the accounts of others and knowing we are not alone can be a huge comfort.

Rhinestone glad your daughter hasn't anything to serious . But still it must bother her. Don't know much about hiatus hernias . Is that the one in the chest area or groin one? Glad you mom's is bit better. Hope she doesn't try to drive to far.
Sorry you have the on going worry with your son. ?

Zander Therapy has been great for me. Please give it a try. I have been going for a few years now and if you get the right therapist it helps.
I haven’t had time to read everyone’s posts but I will.
My DD is good and just has a hiatal hernia.
Mom is better and we talked together with her psychiatrist. She is allowed to drive a few miles and did it successfully the other day.
Today my X is telling my son he has two days to get his stuff out before the police come and throw his stuff out. He has ignored the letters from the court. We texted last week and he still has not found a place to go. But he has the money to go to a hotel if need be.

Therapy isn't something I've tried but I know of some who have and it's been very helpful Zander. There's no harm in giving it a go, if it isn't right for you then you don't need to pursue it.

Coming to terms with the reality that our AC aren't the people we raised them to be, and thought they were was for me, the first step into acceptance, as was not feeling or being responsible for what our ES had become.

Thank you ladies..it is so helpful to talk to someone who really does understand. I have been told before the girls will look for me, and I have written them letters, but my concern is time may run out before they are old enough.
I think I have been in denial that the sweet child I brought up has turned into this awful person, and maybe admitting that will help with acceptance.
I was about to see a therapist but due to a bereavement she has put appointments on hold for a month, but I will pursue this ..what do you think and have you found therapy helpful