EAC FOG FREE. Healing resources on the topic of abusive parents.

He's spot on there isn't he. ...sometimes they have outlived their usefulness, and are ready to be shed so we can actually align with our true nature.

We are all a combination of our fundamental personality traits and how traumatic experiences in our lives have shaped us.

Welcome freedomfromthepast.

I’m so happy to see this thread - thank you Starblaze.

Jeff Brown speaking to us on a deep level again today

Interesting thoughts Smileless

That's why estrangement is the best option and often the only option for some. Being estranged by or estranging from your abuser takes you out of their control and negates any effort on their part to carry on with the abuse.

Those who have found that freedom, despite the cost for some, are I think fortunate as there are many who end up in a relationship of co dependency with their abuser so the cycle continues.

There's so much to be gained and to be thankful for when the relationship with an abuser ends. This often enables the cycle of abuse to be broken.

As I've posted many times here on GN; the only way to win the game is to stop playing. Sometimes silence is painful, but when you can see that that in it's self is beneficial, it becomes golden.

www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse

This is a very quick outline of emotional abuse tactics employed by all abusers and how to respond.

It does clarify that not responding or engaging with abusers or attempts to abuse is a defence tactic and not the same as ignoring problems/concerns within the relationationhip.

I was thinking this morning about the similarities between abusive people.

I think maybe it is because all abusers and enablers are emotionally abusive and the tactics for emotional abuse are the same.

When it comes to sexual or physical abuse or even neglect, in order to hide it, and force the victim to accept it everyone who knows that is happening employs emotional abuse tactics to cover it up.

The same with emotional abuse, everyone who knows the emotional abuse is happening employs the same tactics to cover it up.

We look at our main abuser but sometimes don't realise how much reinforcement of that abuse was going on and how that is also abuse.

I think that's why they are all the same no matter how different our experiences are.

There is finite amount of emotional abuse tactics and all abusers use them.

freedom I'm so glad you have created a strong support network for yourself as well as joining the support network we are trying to create here.

Welcome to GN freedomfromthepast it's good to see someone posting for the first time, especially when they've been reading the threads on GN.

I can understand how your 'tolerance' of your mother's behaviour ended when she began treating your children in the same way. I'm sorry to hear that your D became suicidal because of this; it's great to know that she is now well thanks to the support she's received from her family.

I agree, it is amazing to see the similarities when stories of estrangement are being shared. Just knowing that you are not alone, that your experiences are not 'unique' is comforting.

freedomfromthepast -- Another wise EAC said a long time ago when someone asked, "Did we have the same 'mom'?" His reply was, "We ALL had the same 'mom'." It really stuck with Me and then I met my husband. I was like, "I don't remember having a brother but I'm sure we have the same 'mom'."

It's why I work very hard to not sound like my own because it triggers Him.

Thank you for your kind welcome HolyHannah. We are working through the experience as a family as we are all much stronger. I no longer feel guilt because I have accepted the situation for what it is, something out of my control. Do I wish my mother was well and we had a great family dynamic? Yes. But I don't and I am not going to dwell on it. I cant change her.

I feel lucky that I am the scapegoat as I have developed the strength from my life experiences to stand up for myself and my children. It was hard, but I did it.

My daughter is well by the way. And my siblings and I have created the best support network. While our experiences were different, they weren't THAT different apparently. We are still learning things even now that happened during our childhood that we never knew about the other. It amazes me when I hear EAC telling such similar stories even without being related. That is why support threads such as these are important as well.

freedomfromthepast -- I hope other lurkers will also feel comfortable coming forward and telling their truths. I am sorry for what you have been through. My choice to protect my children/go No Contact was not easy but ultimately I know it was/is correct.

I wish you all well in your healing journey. Every person in your family will have different experiences of dealing with the abuser. I encourage you all to talk and share your experiences. It is one of the best paths towards the cycle not repeating further.

I am coming out of lurkdom to thank you for this thread. Starblaze, you are brave for putting this out there. This thread is important to me, and I am sure many other lurkers and posters, because finding support as an EAC is difficult. Sometimes we need to hear other EAC stories and perspective and share support resources. I started reading on this forum about a year ago after I stumbled upon it. I have never posted because I am a bit younger than most here, I still have teenagers. And I am in the US.

I am an EAC because my mother was emotionally abusive. I tried, until I was 43 years old, to make it work. I excused her because "that is how she is", "she was abused as a kid so "her mental illness is not her fault". Then she turned her mind games onto my children which caused one of them to be suicidal. I was done. The cycle stops with me. She has never gotten help for any of her issues and that is on her. Though she doesn't BELIEVE she has issues, only that she is a victim of her children. All 3 of which have cut contact with her as a self preservation tactic.

Anyhow, Starblaze, thank you again for this thread.

Finding freedom in positive self-talk

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/understand-other-people/201908/the-unseen-scars-emotional-parental-abuse