Adult daughter with mental health issues has cut me out of her life

I have similar problems to your DD and I also have the guilt you feel regarding not protecting my DDs from their father. If I were you I would send a text once a week even if she doesn't respond. Just a "Hello. How are you all? xxx" That way she knows that you're there and the door is open if she needs you but you're giving her space.

Thanks for such wise words x

Libby I do feel for you. Please don't feel guilty. I am sure you did the best you could at the time. Your DD mental health problems are likely to have many causes. Just contact her occasionally to show you care, maybe send a small present to GD or a post card. I am sure in time things will mend.. Try and be patient and please don't blame yourself. You have done well to take a step back.

Thanks folks some good points. Don’t think visits are too often just days in school holidays so maybe 6 or 7 a year sometimes at her request. Re husband in fairness that may be judgemental but I do struggle with the idea that he doesn’t act on the advice of the mental health professionals that they have engaged with. She has stopped him from the leaving the house too as she is scared to be alone which is so terribly sad for them all. With regards to C could never judge her we were always close, if I judge anyone it is myself that I did not see that I was gaslighted and allowed my ex husband to treat us atrociously. I feel a terrible failure. The day it all came out with regards to my ex my father dropped dead without warning and I was a complete mess for months - I think c needed more than I realised or could give and am haunted by this. Now my 6 yr old granddaughters development is being impacted on by lack of socialisation and seeing her mum in such a terrible state. I just wish I could do something to help.

Oh dear, maybe in visiting as much as you can, you actually visit too much from their point of view?

Is it possible you haven’t taken the hint or listened to what they are saying?

There has to be a reason it’s gone from to Ok to visit to please don’t come at all.

Does she feel judged by you? You may not feel you judge her but in your post you talk about her husband being an enabler which is rather judgemental. If she can't leave the house then she can't leave the house. Whether he was there or not she still wouldn't be able to leave the house.