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Seeing a lookalike of your estranged person walking towards you

(14 Posts)
Lavazza1st Wed 04-Nov-20 17:28:35

Last week I kept seeing young men that look like my estranged son. I haven't seen him for almost 2 years even though he works a mile away.

I wasn't even thinking of him, but was walking the dog and saw a succession of people that walked towards me and looked like him. Then it didn't happen for a while and then today it happened again. So weird! Has this happened to anyone else?

It hasn't made me miss him, but rather made me remember how he tried to take me for every penny (he wanted control of the family finances) and force me to live a life different than I was comfortable with (he wanted me to give up work and do full time childcare even though I am not near retirement age yet) He also even told me "Look after us now and we'll look after you when you're old"

It translates badly. Because I didn't do what was expected of me, I lost my GC and them. The truth is, they put me into an impossible position which I could not win either way from.

Do you ever see lookalikes of the ones you're estranged from and even think it is them until they get 6ft away, or is it just me?

Kamiso Wed 04-Nov-20 17:33:27

Not under the same circumstances but after my cousin died I ran after a man thinking it was him. 6’ with red curly hair but not much like him on closer inspection.

Smileless2012 Wed 04-Nov-20 18:02:14

No it's not just you Lavazzasmileit's happened to me a few times and it was always with relief when I realised it wasn't himsad.

Lavazza1st Wed 04-Nov-20 21:18:00

@Kamiso So sorry about your cousin flowers

@Smileless2012 I'm kind of glad its not just me smile I wondered if it was a kind of wishful thinking / subconciously wishing to see him? But, I also felt relieved because thinking it was him brought back all the awful things he did. Strangely he has a lot of doppelgangers within a short distance of where we live!

Alexa Wed 04-Nov-20 21:44:38

Lavazza1st, I hope the situation will improve for you. It's not unusual to have mixed feelings, and sometimes situations change unexpectedly.

Lavazza1st Wed 04-Nov-20 21:52:36

Thanks Alexa. I would find it hard to trust him again after some of the ways he stole and cheated, plus he did not tell me he was moving out. They just disappeared one day. We gave them a temporary place to stay and had been used to living with our GC, but because we could not jump through the hoops he and Dil set, they took GC and cut us off. I dont respect the lies or miss being treated like that.

Alexa Wed 04-Nov-20 22:10:10

Lavazza1st, thanks for your reply, I always think it is wise to know the other's faults, which you do.

I am not you, however if I were in a similar situation I'd have uncomfortable mixed feelings of anger, sadness, and hope.

Lavazza1st Wed 04-Nov-20 23:26:45

Yes @Alexa I think I did go through a range of emotions. The time when I thought I saw him three times in one morning really shook me up and I was alone, but today I was talking to a friend when the lookalike came towards me. Im still trying to figure my feelings out but somehow it felt reassuring that a friend was there, and then relief that it wasnt him.

Lavazza1st Sun 08-Nov-20 15:50:54

In the last few days it has been suggested to me that the reason I may be seeing so many lads that look like my son is that my ex was extremely unfaithful (this is true)

I have seen four lads now.... all in their 20's and all that look similar. Maybe it's not wishful thinking, maybe its not me going mad. MAYBE he was THAT unfaithful. grin Somehow that makes me feel a bit better.

Yogagirl Mon 09-Nov-20 09:06:59

Morning Lavazzalst

It happens many times to me, thinking I see my D&GC, then turns out not to be. In the first year or two, I did actually see her & my beloved GC quite a lot, as they lived nearby. On one occasion I saw my S-in-law pushing my GC in a double bugger [where was my D??] He saw me and stuck his middle finger up at me, my friend was following in her car behind mine as she was coming back for lunch and was so shocked to see this.

Terrible thing your son did to you, what else could you do but keep your life as you had it, but that shouldn't mean you lose your GC & your S! I hope it works out and you get to see them all again soon.

Lavazza1st Mon 09-Nov-20 13:09:55

Hi @Yogagirl Aww so sorry to hear that happened to you sad flowers

I don't know if I want to see him for so many reasons, tbh... thanks. I'm thinking of talking to the lookalikes instead.

Smileless2012 Mon 09-Nov-20 13:39:43

"I don't know if I want to see him for so many reasons, tbh" a day I'm sure no parent ever thinks will come Lavazza and it breaks your heart when it doesflowers.

Lavazza1st Mon 09-Nov-20 16:33:39

Yes @Smileless2012 Unfortunately he is Kleptomaniac, so I could never relax around him even if he did reappear.

Thankfully my other kids don't have this issue and also now my other son is communicating, so I am hopeful. I think he is mainly upset that we made him leave home and take responsibility for his family himself.


MawB2 Mon 09-Nov-20 18:10:33

What was more unnerving for my sister in law was to see her mother (who had died 6 weeks earlier) apparently walking along Rye High Street wearing the skirt and jacket my sister in law had taken to the local charity shop just a week earlier! gringrin